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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset with bf for uninviting me to party

49 replies

NewUser11 · 27/01/2022 12:15

Me and my partner haven't been together that long, but we have met each-others family and said I love you's for reference. Last week he mentioned his friend was having a party and asked me to come, I asked if he was sure as he hasn't been out with his friends in a while and it would be my first time meeting them, and I didn't want to get in his way of having a good night. He said of course he is sure and definitely wants me there, which felt really nice!

Last night while we was talking, he said actually he wants to go alone as he hasn't seen them in a while and doesn't want to have to feel like he's 'looking after me' the whole night as I don't know anyone there. I said that's fine but actually upon thinking about it more, I'm a little upset. I'd rather him have just not invited me in the first place because then I wouldn't feel like this.. It makes me feel less than and really unimportant. AIBU?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 27/01/2022 12:21

Yanbu

He doesn’t sound very committed to you

Floundery · 27/01/2022 12:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

moomee12 · 27/01/2022 12:23

How long have you been together?

Teacupsandtoast · 27/01/2022 12:24

Mixed group or all male group? (His friends, that is)

JamSandwich0 · 27/01/2022 12:25

It was literally your idea.

Flowersandbread · 27/01/2022 12:26

You did ask so I'm guessing he's assumed you don't mind

TedMullins · 27/01/2022 12:26

I don’t think that’s too much of an issue. It’s good to have separate time with friends. He should’ve just not invited you in the first place though.

DropYourSword · 27/01/2022 12:27

He might be assuming you were hinting at this outcome!

Viviennemary · 27/01/2022 12:29

But you more or less told him you didnt mind not going.

KatherineofGaunt · 27/01/2022 12:29

He's had a chance to think and would actually prefer to go on his own on this occasion. I'm not sure what the problem is. Enjoy your own night or or in.

MooSakah · 27/01/2022 12:29

You suggested it. He shouldn't have said it was fine but he probably didn't think you'd mind as it was your idea. This way they go and get smashed and you can meet them another time.

LadyCatStark · 27/01/2022 12:31

Maybe his friendship have expressed that it’s friends only not partners and he wants to let you down gently?

MooSakah · 27/01/2022 12:33

@LadyCatStark

Maybe his friendship have expressed that it’s friends only not partners and he wants to let you down gently?
Ah yeah maybe. Is it like a ladz night out maybe?
Fearnyleaves · 27/01/2022 12:34

So how long have you been together then?
It sounds like a complete non issue to me. You even suggested it.

Sprig1 · 27/01/2022 12:37

Maybe you caught him on the hop when you originally said that you wouldn't mind not going and now that he has had time to think about he thinks it's a good idea. I think it would be unfair to be upset with him but maybe let him know that you would like to go next time.

girlmom21 · 27/01/2022 12:40

Maybe he thought his friends girlfriends were going and they're not

GreenFingeredNell15 · 27/01/2022 12:45

It was your idea and he's taking you up on it.

Neither you nor he are being very flattering to you, though.... suggesting that he might not want to introduce you to his friends.

Original poster
NewUser11 · 27/01/2022 12:47

He's mentioned multiple times he wants me to meet his friends, I've never mentioned it. I offered when he first mentioned it but he was adamant at the time he wanted me to come, and I haven't mentioned not going since. I just said yeah if you want me there it will be fun. And then obviously he told me he would rather I didn't yesterday

OP posts:
Original poster
NewUser11 · 27/01/2022 12:47

Also it's not a 'boys' night, it's a big party and other girlfriends are going.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewUser11 · 27/01/2022 12:48

But a lot of his friends are single!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 27/01/2022 12:48

When's the party? Can you meet one or two of the other couples beforehand?

LooseVsLose · 27/01/2022 12:48

You can't be upset with him for agreeing with your own suggestion. And your suggestion was really sensible, kind and imo totally correct. If he hasn't seen them in a while it will be different if he takes you and he'll feel the need to make sure you're comfortable. Don't let yourself ruin a very nice gesture you made. It was lovely of you to suggest it!

As an aside I much preferred meeting DH's friends one at a time so I get a chance to properly connect. A party full of his friends would have been quite overwhelming for me, so maybe a blessing? x

MooSakah · 27/01/2022 12:49

@jodieeee

But a lot of his friends are single!
He wants to hang out with his single friends. Don't sweat it.
Aprilx · 27/01/2022 12:50

I think as you suggested it, you can’t really turn around and complain about it. He simply went away and thought further about your suggestion and decided you were right.

Stookeen · 27/01/2022 12:51

He’s taking you at your word. However, I agree with the pp who said you’re not exactly flattering yourself by suggesting you would be a burden and he’s not exactly bursting with enthusiasm to introduce the woman he loves to all his friends…

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