@HighlandPony
Most of us who have been in foster care will tell you it’s not. No real sense of family, shifted to another home just when you start to feel settled, most Foster parents haven’t got a clue about life from your background, never really fitting in, always being different, always waiting on some overworked or can’t be bothered social worker to approve this or do that. Nope. Foster care is no picnic.
Apologies I wasn't trying to insinuate that foster care was great.
My point was that well-off children are advantaged because of the highly individualised care they received from their parents.
The only way to close that gap would be to give similar to kids, but you can't take people away from their parents just because they're not 'engaging' them.
In extreme cases where there is an issue then kids are sent to foster care.. which as you said isn't a picnic.
@BoredZelda by primary carer I didn't mean a SAHP.
I meant an individual who knows the child intimately, and caters to their strengths weaknesses.
Even with two working parents + nursery, it's the parents' job to figure out what their kid needs, how best to engage them. Again normally one parent is more hands on but it doesn't need to be a 'single' parent, could be both.
Take my DP for example. Very good at what he does, having been exposed to it from a young age. But he's autistic, got into a practical uni course on the strength of his own projects. Wouldn't have gotten in with his A-levels.
If he had been born in a different family with less resources he'd have been fucked over completely. Yes, school gave him a lot of help, but that was only 9-4, it took his parents trying lots of things, encouraging his special interest etc etc.
For 'poor' but well meaning parents it's about poverty of aspiration, and chances. Like the sure start centers,lots of parents taking their kids. My grandmother couldn't read but she valued education, sat next to me when doing homework and insisted I draw straight lines, and please the teachers.
For neglectful parents, or SEN kids it's a different story.