To feel sad and or confused about a change in friendships.?

[Tootsuites]

We live in a small hamlet. For the last six years or so we have been friends with a couple. In addition to this I set up a social group so that if anyone wanted to come to things , needed a lift etc they would be welcome. We ( the two dw and another dw) also met weekly to paint as its a mutual intrest.
A couple moved in who have spare income and time. They be friended the couple who are our existing friends and go out with them to the nearest village pub now each tue ,fri and sunday. In between they meet for coffees etc and its seems to be most days.
We get invited sporadically but not as a norm . . sometimes to dinner parties.
The dw who was part of our group was not included at all and i was and it came as a shock to her that she had been described as a" bestie " one week then just not included . She is never contacted now. I think that the new cple did not want to invite her, and the dw in the original friendship group omitted to include her... and it became a patteen.
My advise to her was to have parties and invite them all as you cannot control what others do but you can organise social stuff yourself.
It didnt work. They went to her events but did not invite back.

I am sometimes invited but what has happened is the dw who normally used to invite me round for coffee etc, to paint, is no longer doing that and all her social time seems to be spent with the other couple who visit them almostdaily ,then when I do get invited to stuff its oh when we watched a film, when we went to.the pub, when we did so and so .. so its clear that the bulk of her time is spent with them.
In the pub they described themselves as best friends to a person sitting next to them in my prescence.
My friend seems to remain a kind and nice woman .
I have never experinced anything like this before. I feel quite sad when I hear what they get up to. We were , I thought close.
I dont mean to sound childish.
I would appriciate perspective. Others in our hamlet have said to me ( i dont discuss it) oh so and so are always together arnt they.. its v noticable as its most days as i said.

Re the couple thing.
Yes... seems to be a thing for some people.

. But dont they realise it excludes some of the population.... .........

What will happen to them when eventually, as we all will be at some point , they are alone...!??

@Tootsuites

JSL52 Because on the occasions we have been invited the tv has been on and the discussion about what they watch. Re plastic. Because they have said about the stuff they have such as bottled stuff not tap for eg. I was giving examples to in answer to the question that they may have more in common with ,when in fact it does not seem an explanation and I was trying to demonstrate how .

Someone's choice in TV and waterbottle is not a reason that you will get along! Nor is their taste in decor/clothes etc. Unless you are super shallow.

No she doesn't @olivehater, don't be ridiculous. You sound very concerned OP I'd decline the invitations and just concentrate on your lovely friend
It's like being back in the playground excluding people

HoliHormonalTigerlilly
I disagree with you saying that things like making enviromental freindly choices for example is somehow shallow.
Also ,watching some tv programmes that put pointless celebs on pedastles is actually not good.. It can teach our children that money and celebrity is of value greater value than some other things .. what rot.. i think, again, that that culture IS, or can be,shallow.

There is nothing wrong with having values that are mentally and enviromentally ethical.To care about such things is not in itself shallow ...

For crying out loud, all of you sound like the classic joke about being so uptight that when you fart only the dogs can hear it. Step outside and look up, there's a massive sky there, breathe and stop staring at the ground and worrying that your latest Louboutins will clash with your Lamborghini Aventador. You're all clearly boring the crap out of each other because it's all a desperately'Keeping up Appearances' show. Do some charity work and get your soul back.

Perhaps the two partners get on particularly well and that is what is driving this new foursome? But going out to the pub together 3 x per week! Who on earth even wants to do that.

OP I must say your posts do strongly confirm my impression that Hamlet life must be pretty ghastly.

Perhaps they're swingers 🤷‍♀️

Why don't you just ask them?

Friends of mine have just had to move house because they lived in a gated community from new builds. The relationship with the neighbours got so intense, holidays together, almost daily meet ups etc, it eventually collapsed and there was a massive fall out. Police had to be called with the problems. Think you have dodged a bullet not being in that pressure cooker situation.

It all sounds a bit 'desperate housewives' to me living in each other's pockets. Going to the pub/ socialising with the same people 3+ times a week? Far too intense.

I'd focus on the friend that has been excluded and let whatever situation is happening with the other couples play out. Sounds like it will implode with that level of intensity. The new couple are something different, shiny and interesting right now, wether they have longevity in the friendship remains to be seen.

You seem like a nice person. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Is the hamlet you live in Kembleford? Because this reads like an episode of Father Brown.

Just waiting for the murder of the "new couple"!!!

Take a step back from it, let the new couple be the besties and you spend time with the original dw in the group. Sometimes we have to let things fizzle out and friendships change. I imagine the new group will get fed up of each other at some point if it’s 24/7.

I have two best friends of roughly 40yrs. Over years how much time we spend together has varied but we have always been close. Last few years sadly we have become less close, one is very work oriented and the other has a newer friendship group she sees. When ever we meet up she goes on about them and it really hurts me as that use to be us. I don't really have other close friends so I feel left behind. I'd say leave the other friends to their friendship group and focus on your other friends.

Relationships change over time. It can stir up powerful emotions in us as they do, based on our experiences up to that point. For example a child who experienced a main caregiver’s absence might feel similar emotions in response to an absent friend in adult life. Everyone’s experience of friendship losses or changes will be different depending on their own unique past. So no YANBU to be upset.
You do sound as if belonging, is important to you, to your idea of who you are. For example, you refer to yourself and the other women as DW (wife) persistently, as if belonging to a man is your primary identity, over being a woman in her own right. It might be worth considering why belonging to a friendship group etc is so important to you to see if you can move to a place within you, where you are more comfortable with the way that the friendship has evolved.

This all sounds very childish. I also live in a fairly isolated hamlet so I know how it is to be in a place with few people around. But in our hamlet we have busy mothers, women running farms, several doctors and nurses, a mountain rescue volunteer. Our hobbies include crafting, swimming, hiking, canoeing gardening, choir and rock climbing. I doubt any of us have time to meet up regularly. The women here are far too busy living there own lives to worry about who is besties with who. It sounds like the women in your hamlet are bored shitless and need more to fill there days.

Let them get on with it that friendship sounds intense, somethings bound to happen sooner or later.

I think you all need to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune a bit better.

It’s frustrating and upsetting, but my initial thought was - I bet the intensity won’t last. It’s like when you get into a new relationship you want to see the person all the time, but then it eases off a bit.
I’d keep up contact with everyone, carry on inviting them all and see the ‘dumped’ DW separately as well so you’re not leaving her out.
As for things in common - I think you either click or you don’t - common ideals don’t have to come into it (you’re not living with them!).

I think it will get less intense when the novelty of the new couple wears off.
Relationships and friendships can ebb and flow, just keep inviting the original couple along and be friendly to the new couple.
Invite the two original women friends to an eco environment activity that the 3 of you used to enjoy.
I understand the new couple have upset the old balance but they must have some good qualities if your friends have embraced their friendship?
Things don't stay the same forever. Change can be good?

Sounds like the goings-on in the school yard.

Possibly some of the issue here is that you are trying to be scrupulously fair in this friendship group by inviting everyone whilst this new set are not bothered about being exclusive/leaving people out because they are enjoying the friendship. It's a bit of a no win situation as they will do what they want to do, probably doesn't even occur to them. As others have said it will probably burn out eventually.

@MakeYourOwnLollies

I think you all need to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune a bit better.

I agree, OP, that some of this intensity and upset seems driven by the close proximity of everyone in the hamlet — which is why many people wouldn’t have become such close friends with neighbours in a tiny place in the first place, because it gets awkward when things go sour, and the dumped party has far too much information about the comings and goings of their former friends, and on the tastes and habits of the people who replaced them. It sounds hellish all round. I can’t imagine my socialising habits being resentfully scrutinised by someone I was no longer as close to.

What's a Hamlet?
Is it a fancy name for a village 🤷‍♀️

@ParkheadParadise

What's a Hamlet? Is it a fancy name for a village 🤷‍♀️

Smaller than a village, and often more scattered — wiki says that another distinction is that a hamlet often doesn’t have a church or pub, or any central ‘focus’, but I can certainly think of exceptions.