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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit much?

43 replies

mygrowingbunion · 26/01/2022 08:23

Colleague’s cat died yesterday. Had the cat for 15 years. Colleague is devastated. We have offered time off, but he wants to come into the office and not work from home. That’s fine.

But he keeps sending my other colleague and I messages telling us to keep people away from him. Even to the point he wants us to clear a passageway if he leaves his office to go to the kitchen for a cup of tea or the loo. He does not want to be talked to and he keeps sending us messages on teams telling us he wants us to stop people from looking at or interacting with him.

I am having to jump up from my desk every time someone passes or tries to go to him. I am starting to find it a bit annoying (since yesterday) as it derails my work. I have sent messages to all the people he works with so he should not be getting too many approaches.

I know pet loss is devastating, but AIBU to think this is a bit much in the workplace?

OP posts:

gobbledygoook · 26/01/2022 08:25

YANBU - as a pet owner who has lost pets in the past, he is BU!

He can't decide to come to work rather than wfh and expect no interaction with people. He's not royalty or a leper, he doesn't need a path clearing to walk about the office.

Tell him unfortunately due to your workload you can't manage this today, or "mysteriously" don't see the teams messages.

MooSakah · 26/01/2022 08:27

Ridiculous.

Dammitthisisshit · 26/01/2022 08:28

That’s not reasonable of him. He’s been given the option of not working, or working from home. If he chooses to be in the office then he needs to reasonably act as one would in an office without impacting others. If he can’t do that then he needs to take one of the other options.

I’d talk to him (or Teams if that’s how he’s wanting to interact) to explain that you can’t keep people away and he would be better at home as he’s obviously struggling with interaction.

cheekychaplin · 26/01/2022 08:29

This isn't about the death of the cat. It's a completely unacceptable way to behave in the workplace and management should be telling him to go home or work appropriately. You don't get to dictate how everybody in the workplace should act. That's controlling and strange that anyone has allowed it. Fair enough to say give me some space, but this person has you jumping about like terrified grasshoppers/

StruggleStreet · 26/01/2022 08:29

He’s being ridiculous, and sorry OP but you’re enabling it. Just stop trying to intercept people now, if he doesn’t want to talk to anyone he’ll have to work from home or tell them himself.

Ceramide · 26/01/2022 08:30

Perhaps he realises that if anyone spoke to him he would burst into tears?

Candleabra · 26/01/2022 08:32

He’s been offered time off, which is very generous. If he’s unable to be in the office he should go home.
He is being ridiculous.

Fatherliamdeliverance · 26/01/2022 08:32

Nah HIBU. If he can't currently manage any interaction then he needs to take himself out of the office, the whole workforce cannot be expected to melt away wherever he goes. Is it because everyone has been asking him about the cat though? If so, maybe the team could be asked not to do this?

MooSakah · 26/01/2022 08:32

@Ceramide

Perhaps he realises that if anyone spoke to him he would burst into tears?

Well yes but he should go home then. Not waste everyone else's time by having them jumping up and down trying to stop people going near him and causing a massive fuss

icelollycraving · 26/01/2022 08:36

Blimey, he’s being unreasonable. Offering time off is generous. How long are you expected to leap up? I’d say that perhaps wfh is a better option as you can’t manage his expectations. Losing a pet is tough as they are essentially part of the family but he’s asking too much.
Is this very out of character?

ANameChangeAgain · 26/01/2022 08:39

Pet are family members and the grief we feel is very real, however he is either fit for work or he isn't. Its fine to make a few allowances, but he can't demand solitude in a shared work space.

girlmom21 · 26/01/2022 08:41

Send him to work from home. There's no point being in the office if he can't function properly and professionally.

Merryoldgoat · 26/01/2022 08:42

If he can’t function at work then he needs to be sent home.

Shiningpath · 26/01/2022 08:45

Ridiculous. If he’s that fragile he needs to go home.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 26/01/2022 08:45

If he's that bad, he should go home.
How he's behaving is nuts, quite frankly.
It's a workplace, not a soap opera.

Cam2020 · 26/01/2022 08:45

Perhaps he realises that if anyone spoke to him he would burst into tears?

Then he's clearly not up to being in work and should work from home.

Pleaseuniverseplease · 26/01/2022 08:49

I'd not be enabling his behavior any longer.
I'd tell him I'm too busy to be policing his contact with others therefore if he can't face his colleagues he needs to be at home.

Newyearnewyearnew · 26/01/2022 08:50

Unfortunately I think you can't meet his requirements so he needs to work from home or take time off. But I wonder if he is coming in because being at home (where the cat was) is just too hard? Can he work from a library or other neutral space instead?

GiantHaystacks2021 · 26/01/2022 09:31

Yes - he could make like Switzerland.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 26/01/2022 09:33

Ridiculous. Don't enable him. He needs to learn to deal with it. It's part of being an adult.

AllAmericanGirl · 26/01/2022 09:52

You shouldn't have let it get this far, these are ridiculous expectations. Tell him he can either function normally and speak to people at work or go home. You can't be expected to act as his bodyguard.

FabriqueBelgique · 26/01/2022 10:15

Is this man single? Pets can be a lifeline for single men. I’d try and have a chat with him, see if he might be better off at home for a few more days until he’s ready to face people.

CounsellorTroi · 26/01/2022 10:18

He is being OTT but he probably finds his home unbearably empty at the moment without the cat there.

TroysMammy · 26/01/2022 10:21

My beloved cat aged 5 diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy died suddenly on the way to the emergency vets at midnight. When I got back home I put him, wrapped up on my bedroom floor and went into work for a morning shift at 7.45am. I was only able to bury him that afternoon. I was devastated but I still went to work, my immediate colleagues all had cats and were sympathetic but I would never have made ridiculous demands in my grief.

NameChangeCity123 · 26/01/2022 10:25

@mygrowingbunion

Colleague’s cat died yesterday. Had the cat for 15 years. Colleague is devastated. We have offered time off, but he wants to come into the office and not work from home. That’s fine.

I know pet loss is devastating, but AIBU to think this is a bit much in the workplace?

I would Not be indulging this. That's completely ridiculous. I understand he's sad, you've offered to work from home which seems like it would be a more Appropriate option for everyone. He can't be causing issues for everyone else and making things difficult for them- should people be expected to clear a passage way so he can pass? I don't think so. He needs to either be working at home or taking leave if he can't function appropriately around people

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