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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit much?

43 replies

mygrowingbunion · 26/01/2022 08:23

Colleague’s cat died yesterday. Had the cat for 15 years. Colleague is devastated. We have offered time off, but he wants to come into the office and not work from home. That’s fine.

But he keeps sending my other colleague and I messages telling us to keep people away from him. Even to the point he wants us to clear a passageway if he leaves his office to go to the kitchen for a cup of tea or the loo. He does not want to be talked to and he keeps sending us messages on teams telling us he wants us to stop people from looking at or interacting with him.

I am having to jump up from my desk every time someone passes or tries to go to him. I am starting to find it a bit annoying (since yesterday) as it derails my work. I have sent messages to all the people he works with so he should not be getting too many approaches.

I know pet loss is devastating, but AIBU to think this is a bit much in the workplace?

OP posts:

CailleachGranda · 26/01/2022 10:25

He is being absolutely ridiculous

And you don't "have to" jump up and intercept people. Choose not to

Flickflak · 26/01/2022 10:34

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

flashy44 · 26/01/2022 10:47

@GiantHaystacks2021

If he's that bad, he should go home. How he's behaving is nuts, quite frankly. It's a workplace, not a soap opera.

This

MonicaGellerCleans · 26/01/2022 10:53

I know from experience how hard it is to lose a pet, but he is being totally unreasonable. Expecting you to clear a passage for him?! What the actual fuck?!

I'd just stop doing it. If he doesn't want to deal with people he can tell them himself or go home.

It seems as though he's enjoying having attention and people running round after him.

Purpleraspberry · 26/01/2022 11:05

It sounds to me like there is more than the death of his cat wrong. Perhaps he has mental health struggles and his cat's death has either tipped him over the edge, or his ott requests are a cry for help?

He is being totally unreasonable to ask what he has, and he needs to work from home, and yanbu to say no. Tell him you sympathise, check he is ok but say you feel his requests aren't appropriate and he should work from home if he feels that strongly against being around people.

Georgeskitchen · 26/01/2022 11:56

Sad to hear of the death of his elderly cat but his demands sound very disproportionate. Best advice I think would be, get a grip or go home!!

SniffMyFeet · 26/01/2022 12:10

I really feel for him but whoever manages him should email or speak to him and ask again if he'd prefer to go home as you are unable accommodate his request as its unworkable
Very sad though

Cas112 · 26/01/2022 13:34

You need to tell him you cant accommodate to this as he is not the only employee in the building you cant deny people access of where they have to/need to go.

He either accepts he will be in the company of other employees or he works from home. Letting him work from home is accommodating enough, he should appreciate that.

toppkatz · 26/01/2022 14:05

@Ceramide

Perhaps he realises that if anyone spoke to him he would burst into tears?

That's what I was thinking. Poor bloke, give him some slack.

billy1966 · 26/01/2022 14:16

Utterly ridiculous.

I would have huge sympathy for his feelings of bereavement but insisting on coming into the office and imposing on you like that is not on.

toppkatz · 26/01/2022 18:59

Most employers would not think it reasonable to take a day off because your pet died, so he had to go to work really, didn't he?

He was caught between a rock and a hard place.

Ionlydomassiveones · 26/01/2022 19:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Nillynally · 26/01/2022 19:30

He needs to be taking some time off! This is ridiculous behaviour, I understand he's very upset but to refuse time off to grieve properly he is enforcing it in others and making other people feel uncomfortable. If I was his manager I'd be asking him to take some time. Good grief.

VladmirsPoutine · 26/01/2022 19:48

I'd find this entirely bemusing. You've done enough. Just leave him to it.

2Gen · 26/01/2022 20:30

Blimey he is bang out of order!

We lost a beloved moggy too and I shed plenty tears over him in private. We still miss the old rogue even today. But if we'd behaved like this man, we'd have been quite rightly told to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Cats and dogs don't live long; they get run over and or wander off, sometimes a fox might take them. The pain of loosing a cat or dog is the price we pay for loving one and we have to be prepared for that when we take a cat or dog on as a pet. He needs to go back to WFH or get a grip and keep his grieving for his own time. Stop pandering to him, it seems to me he's starting to enjoy pulling your strings and making ye dance!

2022success · 26/01/2022 20:33

OP you need to tell him that his behaviour is unprofessional and he either works from home, or cracks on with it. You will not be telling people to keep out of his way.

I say this as someone who nearly had a breakdown when their 19 year old cat died, and have given a staff member two weeks compassionate leave when their DDog died (specific circumstances warranted it)

phishy · 26/01/2022 20:33

Let me guess - it’s female colleagues that he is demanding this from?

He’s a twat.

Bakewelltart987 · 26/01/2022 20:36

Sounds like some1 I no his name start with a d by any chance?

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