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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH selfishly waking me

59 replies

EffYou · 26/01/2022 03:32

By blowing his nose thunderously, right next to my sleeping self??

It was a horrible way to be woken up, quite scary actually as it's sudden loud noise when you're fast asleep. He's one of those people that blows his nose incredibly hard. I was and am quite pissed off by it. AIBU?? He said that he had to blow his nose and what did I expect him to do?

I expect you to get up and go to a bathroom! Not scare the shit out of a sleeping person because you're too warm and cosy to be polite. He also knows that once I'm awake it takes hours for me to fall back asleep, so he's merrily dreaming away now and I've been awake for two hours. Am contemplating finding a video of someone blowing their nose loudly and just playing it next to his head. See if he thinks it's just "normal household noise" right next to his ear when he's asleep. 😡😡

OP posts:
HelloFrostyMorning · 26/01/2022 15:02

@arethereanyleftatall

If I ever could logistically wise, I would always always choose to sleep alone. It's so so much nicer. Sleeping in the same double bed every night is a funny old thing, the done thing, but no one likes it! Perfect world - have your affection, then sleep alone.
This is spades. ^

I have slept in a separate bedroom from DH now for 15 years, (since the mid noughties,) when we moved to a bigger house. It's utter BLISS!

Sharing a bedroom was OK for the first decade or so we were together, but then DH started to snore really bad. He was only in his early 30s, but he snored like an old buffalo. He wasn't overweight, he didn't smoke, and he rarely drank alcohol. He refused to see anyone about it, and said 'snoring is natural...' Hmm

I used to go and sleep on the couch, and although it wasn't super comfortable, (quite narrow,) it was much better than sleeping next to him.

It wasn't just the snoring, it was the heavy breathing, prodding in the back with his elbow, kicking me, hogging the duvet, suddenly coughing (just as I was dozing off, and bloody waking me right back up again,) and grunting and fidgeting. The snoring was the straw that broke the camel's back. I HATED sleeping with him.

As much as I love my DH, I could never EVER sleep in the same bed with him again. If I ever entered a new relationship - if DH died or we divorced, I would not be sleeping in the same bed as him. (Not that I'd ever have another relationship...I doubt I would, not after nearly 40 years with DH.)

I don't think it's doable long-term to be honest, to sleep in the same BED as someone else. 2 fully grown adults, sharing a 6 foot x 4 foot bed is just ludicrous actually. Some people say 'get a super king, best thing we ever did!' Or 'if you want a good sleep, get a split-bed that has a soft side and a hard and get 2 duvets yada yada...' But whilst that gives you a bit more room, it doesn't do anything to help your suffering from your partner's snoring...

As the above poster said - it's the done thing - for a couple to sleep together, and some people think there must be an issue in the marriage if you sleep separately. In my experience, a marriage is more likely to survive if you have separate bedrooms. One partner being deprived of sleep (usually the woman!) causes deep resentment, and an underlying loathing of her husband/partner.

I had several snarky put downs shot at me from a couple of people at work, and my cousin, some 14-15 years ago for me and DH having separate bedrooms, sneering, and saying 'marriage problems???' and 'it's not normal,' and 'it's not right...'

Guess who is still together after 35 years of marriage? Yep! Me and DH. Guess who is NOT still married? Yep! The snarky fuckers who looked down on me and DH. Both work colleagues, and my cousin.

Also, as has been said, it's perfectly normal for many upper-middle, and upper-class people to have separate bedrooms, even from the start of their marriage. IMO, and IME, having separate bedrooms is more likely to make a marriage MORE successful, not less.

SilverHairedCat · 26/01/2022 15:06

@Bywayofanupdate my father, as explained, has a foghorn. I lived with him for 22yrs. My DM is totally intolerant, he's unable to sneeze, cough or blow his nose anywhere in his own home without being told off or tutted at.

It's miserable being unable to undertake the a basic bodily function without being accused of making someone terrified / unhappy /scared / whatever.

I feel for the people who make the noise who are not responsible for other's reactions.

HelloFrostyMorning · 26/01/2022 15:09

@Wifflywafflywoo

Mine sneezes in his sleep. Never felt fright like it. Honestly think my soul leaves my body each time he screams his sneeze into the night!

I agree with @GrumpyDirector that's pretty funny! Grin

DH selfishly waking me
HelloFrostyMorning · 26/01/2022 15:16

[quote SilverHairedCat]@Bywayofanupdate my father, as explained, has a foghorn. I lived with him for 22yrs. My DM is totally intolerant, he's unable to sneeze, cough or blow his nose anywhere in his own home without being told off or tutted at.

It's miserable being unable to undertake the a basic bodily function without being accused of making someone terrified / unhappy /scared / whatever.

I feel for the people who make the noise who are not responsible for other's reactions.[/quote]
FGS, the OP (and others supporting her) is talking about her DH doing noisy shit WHEN SHE IS ASLEEP IN BED NEXT TO HIM. Not just during the day. No-one has MENTIONED anyone not being able to sneeze or cough or blow his nose in the bloody day time. Why on earth are you even mentioning this? Confused

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and is very debilitating and bad for your health. Stop minimising it, and trying to derail the thread, because your mother has a go at your dad for sneezing/ coughing/ blowing his nose etc, every time he does it in the day... It's not the same as the OP's issue.

Wifflywafflywoo · 26/01/2022 16:46

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@Wifflywafflywoo

Mine sneezes in his sleep. Never felt fright like it. Honestly think my soul leaves my body each time he screams his sneeze into the night!

I agree with @GrumpyDirector that's pretty funny! Grin[/quote]
It's a good job I love him. Even our dog levitates with fright out of bed bless her heart.

We have a king size bed and now can't believe we survived years in a double. Everytime he rolls over in bed I get flipped in the air like a jumping dolphin. I don't understand why he doesn't roll smoothly?! He kind of bounces a few times off the bed until he's comfy whilst I cling onto the duvet to stay on the mattress.

Also I completely accept that I am not perfect in any way however, I have asked him if I ever bother him whilst sleeping and it's a resounding no. Other areas of my waking like I do make up for it though 😄

MangosteenSoda · 26/01/2022 16:52

You need to track down the poster who sounds an air horn when her favourite choon drops a sick beat.

Perhaps she can let you have it for a night or two Grin

GrumpyDirector · 26/01/2022 16:58

@Wifflywafflywoo Oh, God! 😂

iklboo · 26/01/2022 17:04

DH sleep talks. We've had:

Sits up - sweeps arm majestically, booms in Stage Actor Voice 'And off! Into obscurity!'

'Wheeeeeeee!'

(Child-like voice) 'oooh, those are pretty colours. Don't let Zippy know'.

Then there was the time he sat up in bed 'driving' with his pillow.

DS's finest is 'Don't let the chickens get me'.

HelloFrostyMorning · 26/01/2022 18:00

@iklboo

DH sleep talks. We've had:

Sits up - sweeps arm majestically, booms in Stage Actor Voice 'And off! Into obscurity!'

'Wheeeeeeee!'

(Child-like voice) 'oooh, those are pretty colours. Don't let Zippy know'.

Then there was the time he sat up in bed 'driving' with his pillow.

DS's finest is 'Don't let the chickens get me'.

"Don't let the chickens get me!" Grin

What on EARTH is he dreaming about?!

Actually, we're probably best not knowing! Shock

Grin
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