‘They never ask me anything about myself’

[Cheekypeach]

Conversation with my sister popped into my head earlier
Me: Hi, just phoning for a chat, how are you?
Sister: I’m fine thanks how are you?
Me: I’m fine - how is your week going? What’s the news?
Sister: No news really. How has your week been?
Me: Good thanks, been doing X Y and Z, blah blah blah
Long pause
Me: What’s wrong?
Sister: I’m just a bit annoyed, you never ask anything about me and just go on and on

I did ask, it’s not my fault she didn’t bloody answer! Am I supposed to ask every single thing that might have happened in case it did?! If she wants to tell me something so much, why not just bloody say it? Why wait to be asked? I hate scripted volley-like conversation, can’t we just say what pops into our heads??

ARGH!

Embarrassing

Yanbu
Maybe she was having an off day

Obviously you need to text 'RU OK hun??' That'll fix it

I’ll say carefully YABU…..

Do you just throw a not-really-that-interested ”how are you”question out there?

Do you usually bang on and on and on about your life?

Or if she does tell you something, do you quickly turn it back to yourself?

It’s really does sound like this has been building up.

How long exactly was x, y , z blah blah blah going on for? Hard to judge otherwise.

Is she usually like this, or is it normal for her to be touchy? Either way, it was a bit ott considering you had asked about her. What did you reply with?

YANBU but maybe ask a more specific question such as “Tell me about how work is going?” or refer to something you know about her from your last conversation. Eg “I know you were worried about John’s school exams, how did the meeting with the teacher go?” People sometimes don’t quite know what to say when asked a more general question.

Hm, hard to say.

She could be having a bad day,

OR,

she's one of those people who say 'no news really' but actually have a million things they want to talk about but don't know how to start off on. I know some people like this - you need to ask a fair few times and literally squeeze information out of them, but it's their way of sharing and anything else makes them feel like you're not interested.

Only you know which one it is because we don't know your sister!

I do see where your sister is coming from, I wouldn't have taken from that exchange that you are very interested in my life.

It would have been much more caring to have told her one thing (not X, Y and z!) and then asked her something more specific, like "oh did you buy that lamp you were talking about".

It could feel a bit like you are just asking her a vague 'how's your week' so you can then ramble on about yourself.

(Obviously, it's really hard to know though based on just that example)

Im a bit like your sister- never volunteer anything unless I’m specifically asked. And I also feel a bit disgruntled that people don’t ask

Im with your sister . I equate people asking about me with caring

Who’s the they only your title? I’m confused.

From that exchange it does sound like you just called up to talk about yourself, it would be different if you had specific questions like how is work / how did your driving test go / how is Lucas finding school etc etc

If someone says that someone goes on a lot about themselves then I’m sure it’s true tbh!

Rather than waiting to be asked, why don’t people just say what they want to say? Why make it such hard work, like I have to draw information out of you like it’s some kind of state secret?!

I agree OP, I find people like this very draining.

Yup with your sister. I have a friend qho does a causal "hows your week" before launching into a one sided conversation for the whole time!

@Purpleraspberry

Is she usually like this, or is it normal for her to be touchy? Either way, it was a bit ott considering you had asked about her. What did you reply with?

She’s very highly strung as a person and naturally quite tense. I pointed out I asked how she was and what was going on with her, and she said nothing

Then she was all ‘oh but if you’d asked a bit more then maybe I would’ve said something’

I gave up at that point to be honest!

You’re not unreasonable in that you did ask, and she didn’t offer any info.

But

When was the last time you talked? Do you know generally what’s happening in her life - last time you chatted what did she mention? Start there. Ask a specific ‘update’ question e.g.
Hey, how did that work pitch go?
Did DN get on the football team in the end?
Did you enjoy X?

She’s very highly strung as a person and naturally quite tense. I pointed out I asked how she was and what was going on with her, and she said nothing

Then she was all ‘oh but if you’d asked a bit more then maybe I would’ve said something’

I gave up at that point to be honest!

Heh. You’re the sister of someone I know

Did you ask at the beginning and then talk at her for 20mins? Some people find back-and-forth conversation tricky.

This annoys me too. If someone is keen for a chat about something surely the onus is on them to share it rather than for you to painstakingly coax it out of them.

@LouLou789

YANBU but maybe ask a more specific question such as “Tell me about how work is going?” or refer to something you know about her from your last conversation. Eg “I know you were worried about John’s school exams, how did the meeting with the teacher go?” People sometimes don’t quite know what to say when asked a more general question.

Yes, this. Great idea. If someone asks how I am I always answer with 'fine' even if the sky has come crashing down and even if I want to actually tell people.

She doesn’t usually answer my calls. She usually only phones me if she wants something if I’m being honest. Very very very rarely for just a chat, maybe twice a year.

@Cheekypeach

She doesn’t usually answer my calls. She usually only phones me if she wants something if I’m being honest. Very very very rarely for just a chat, maybe twice a year.

Yeah I think there’s an underlying issue here, maybe something’s build up

@roundthew perhaps. But I don’t think so. She’s just very ‘my little family’ about things, keeps herself to herself & is quite introverted.