Blushing - help!

[RazzleMazzle]

AIBU for blushing as a 30-something? I have the WORST blushing problem. I’m a manager who oversees a team of a dozen, and work in a very social environment. I have no real confidence issues at all, but I have the most embarrassing blushing problem. In any team meeting, I’m brick red; in one-to-ones, I’m like a fire engine. It’s something that’s affected me most of my life. But…I’m in my early 30s and assumed I’d grow out of it by now. It affects so much of my life, and I even feel it’s inhibiting my career progression as I avoid situations and ‘stepping up’ into senior roles so as to avoid potential blushing triggers. Ive tried ‘not caring’ (doesn’t work); and I’m not going to get any medical intervention. So…does anyone have any advice/workarounds?

Scrunching my toes up works for me, this was recommended to me a while ago. Not sure why it works, perhaps because you're diverting your focus to your feet. It can be done without anyone noticing as your shoes will be on in the office I'm guessing!

Also you can put a little foundation on your neck/top of the chest area if that's on show (and if you're not wearing a white top!) as well as your face. The 'go red' idea sounds good also.

I feel for you! I've suffered with it on and off for much of my life. I've been almost entirely clear of it for the last 8-10 years though. It coincided with having kids which might just be coincidental. Years ago I tried hypnotherapy for it and it definitely worked for me. Might have been a placebo effect but it worked regardless!

High-necked tops are your friend :)

Also, when you feel it happen, try not to panic as you'll make it worse. Just power through, make eye contact with people and keep talking. It will subside once your brain catches up that you don't care x

One of the benefits of menopause was my propensity to blush stopped I think it absconded with my eyebrows

Yes, I think menopause has helped my blushing.
I used to blush when I lie.
Good job I wasn't the PM.

I think it’s an anxiety issue deep down.. I used to dig my nails into my palm discreetly when I felt the blush coming on and it’s stops it in its tracks.. think it’s about deflecting you brain! Xx

@FindingMeno lolololol!

Oh, hi my fellow blushers 🙋🏻‍♀️

I totally get you, OP. It's a truly debilitating, mortifying thing to deal with. I often feel at a disadvantage at work, because blushing is such a giveaway of one's emotions (even though most of the time I don't even feel at all embarrassed - it's the feeling that I might do it that sets it off!).

My tips:
Pinch yourself hard somewhere when you feel it creeping in, supposedly it distracts the brain!

Really listen to the person speaking, painful as it is. I find if I get too much "in my head" I cannot calm the blush. If I actively "lean in" to the external situation, I genuinely switch focus.

Wear higher necklines so you don't stress about visible chest hives. Don't dress too warmly as this Defo intensifies the hot feeling for me.

Double Wear is your friend!! I would NEVER go barefaced at work, the difference in the visibility is unreal!

Finally, did you watch Game of Thrones? I always channel Tyrion's advice to Jon in the first episode.

Weirdly I recently asked my husband about this, he's known me years and is adamant I don't blush anymore. A colleague said the same. Yet I KNOW I still do, I can feel it! The knowledge that others don't notice it the same has been a revelation. Try to keep in mind - nobody will be as aware of it as you. Don't let it rule you. X

@Genevie82 thank you - will give that a go!

@55Jumbo thanks so much for your detailed reply and insight! You’ve given some really useful, practical advice - really appreciate it! My friends and my husband have no idea I have this issue, so assume they’d give the same response as your husband, if asked. My colleagues would def say otherwise. Ha. I feel my blushing exerts a stupid control over my life. But I’m guessing everyone has issues in some way or other.

@CatsAreBoppinAroundToTheRadio Thank you :)

@Whingasaurus 🤣

@RazzleMazzle that's great your husband and friends are oblivious! Shows you're totally capable of normal confident interaction.

Just try to think - they're only work people, fuck them! Do you care that much? they know you blush, you know it. Try not to be shocked/spooked by it.

Lean in to it, hold eye contact. Act as you would with your friends/husband. Even if you feel purple at the time, I've found it has gradually helped me overcome my work blushes (though I'm never truly safe, all it would take is a hot guy asking me a question I can't answer and BAM) 😂

Clinique Redness Solutions foundation helps, but blushers gonna blush!

OP and everyone else who is experiencing this, CBT can help. It is an anxiety cycle, you think you're going to blush (and be perceived negatively because of it perhaps?) You get anxious about blushing, then you think, I'm going to blush and boom, you blush, and it confirms your fear, so next time you're in that situation you worry again about blushing.
Something I do with patients is get a 'blush colour chart' palette from a make up line, and ask them to pick which shade they 'feel' they go. Then take a selfie just before they go into a situation where they blush, and as soon as possible after or during the blush take another, and one when you think it's gone down a bit. Go to your chart and see if any of the selfies match the blush colour you picked out.
100% it wont. You 'feel' you're beetroot or coral red. But visually, you aren't.
Try it out.

Something like this is similar to the one I would use as it's got the shades you feel like you are going

Early rosacea

@Meadowblossom

Early rosacea

Not necessarily. Many people I know who do it have no rosacea and do not develop it.

It can take over a decade for full blown rosacea to come out. I have it. Some of you are describing it to a tee and will go on to develop it.

@ladyface69

OP and everyone else who is experiencing this, CBT can help. It is an anxiety cycle, you think you're going to blush (and be perceived negatively because of it perhaps?) You get anxious about blushing, then you think, I'm going to blush and boom, you blush, and it confirms your fear, so next time you're in that situation you worry again about blushing. Something I do with patients is get a 'blush colour chart' palette from a make up line, and ask them to pick which shade they 'feel' they go. Then take a selfie just before they go into a situation where they blush, and as soon as possible after or during the blush take another, and one when you think it's gone down a bit. Go to your chart and see if any of the selfies match the blush colour you picked out. 100% it wont. You 'feel' you're beetroot or coral red. But visually, you aren't. Try it out.

That's really helpful, thanks. x

I am 100% one of you! Im a teacher and have been in your camp for the last 2 years since a child pointed out I was blushing when I was having the most random panic attack. I ended up on propranolol for a while but eased myself off it for fear of having a heart attack when out a run!

Once my brain knew I blushed and people could notice, it was like it would fire up the blushing jets at every possible opportunity. I’m now considering quitting my job because I just don’t feel like it fits with me and the person I am anymore! I’m really not a shy person generally but it’s completely taken every shred of confidence I have. I wear double wear foundation, fake tan and quite a lot of blusher so that I just permanently look that way. My theory is they won’t then notice if I’m blushing underneath it. It’s such a debilitating condition and I had no idea I wasn’t the only person in the world suffering from it 🙈

Have you tried visualising something white and cold? I used to think of cold milk in the fridge.

This is my life 🤦🏻‍♀️

I've just seen this on the Guardian website:

www.theguardian.com/fashion/2022/feb/19/the-best-creams-and-correctors-to-camouflage-ruddy-skin

It think it's best in the long run to experiment with techniques etc (that many previous posters have listed) as these creams are expensive, but hopefully the above link might help some people in the short term.