To think this is a little cruel towards the children (party invite)

[Curlychips88]

If a parent has a party for their 2 year old child, invites most of their class, gives out the invites during nursery (out of a group of approx 12) but doesn't invite certain ones?
If it's related to budget or COVID I understand, but just seems a little cruel, even though I'm not sure children of this age will pick up on it.

That’s incredibly rude of her! Our school don’t allow invits handed out there unless to whole class and I think that’s a good approach.

It's nursery and they are 2 it's not like school where the class is the same 25 kids from Monday to Friday.

A nursery can have 20-25 kids at a time but 40 kids in total as they'll have different kids on different days with different over laps.

This is a tricky issue as kids get older but for a 2yo it has nothing to do with the kids, it’s about who the mum wants there. Might still hurt not to get an invite but your child won’t care.

Hmm. I think this can be so tricky. At 2yrs old, it really doesn't matter. They aren't aware and the whole 'party' thing is a bit lost on them. To be honest, I wouldn't have known all the kids names in my DDs nursery group anyway.

By school it's a bigger deal. In her first year at school we did a whole class party as she has an early birthday and the friendship groups hadn't formed yet. It was fine, but expensive. Since then she's had smaller parties with her friendship group, which I much prefer. There are still some whole class parties she's invited to. One thing I found when looking at party venues was a lot had number limits of 20-25 kids, which would end up being 'most' but not all of a standard class of 30.

She's not been bothered about other parties she knows about but isn't invited to so far - but I suppose this could easily happen at some point though. Especially if it felt like 'everyone' was invited but her.

@Whatwhywhenwhere

It’s upsetting but it will happen throughout their lives and it’s a good lesson in being resilient. They will follow your lead- cheerfully tell them “never mind, there will be another time then make sure they have fun on the party day.”

Teach them it’s good to have friends and how to treat them well, it’s also OK to play on your own sometimes and encourage them into creative play, and to keep themselves entertained. Of course you want your pride and joy invited to everything but if you react this way, they will notice and get more upset. Long term this isn’t good for them. Very often at that age, parents invite their mum friends and their kids, so do be friendly yourself.

@Whatwhywhenwhere This is excellent advice for all parents. Children will take their lead from you and grow up cheerful and resilient or anxious and feeling hard done to.

While 2 yos won't notice, I think it's bad form for more than half to be invited and just a few to be missed out.

Having said that, this is a bit of a minefield for parents as it's easy to inadvertently miss people out, even with the best intentions. The healthiest thing if it's your child missed out is always to give the parents the benefit of the doubt and remind your child that there will be other parties.

If they do notice, just hold your own 'party'. We used to have 'parties' every few weeks for ours at that age...we'd invite a couple of little friends round, blow up some balloons and stick on some music.

As a parent, our three year old would only care about her favourite people not general invites to the wider group in the class

As a headteacher, I have dealt with parental complaints that their children have not been invited to parties. I have told them bluntly that advising people who to invite to their homes or who to spend their money on is none of our concern as a school.

I have friends who get genuinely upset if their children aren’t invited to everything. I may have used the phrase ‘get a grip’ to one of them started crying because of one birthday party.

But the kid is 2 inviting 15 or probably more kids to a party becomes overwhelming and where do you draw the line?

The party might even be a very small old fashioned party in the living room with pass the parcel etc.

The kid who's in nursery for a half day at that same time as nursery child do they get an invite?
What about the kid who's in a full day but never plays with Birthday child.

Nursery parties are hard because of the age of the children and the numbers it's not a fixed 25 in the class the numbers will be much more spread over the week

I don’t think it matters when they are 2. If they are older it would be shitty.

When my dd started school she was put in a composite class, p1/p2. There were only 6 p1’s in the class. The other 5 children were middle class, we were working class. A snobby little boy and his equally snobby mum gave invites to the other 4 p1’s and turned to my dd and said “you’re not invited”. That’s being shitty!

Was quite funny when I (who wasn’t worthy of her), ended up being her boss!

They're two. It's fine.

@Cantleave

I don’t think it matters when they are 2. If they are older it would be shitty.

When my dd started school she was put in a composite class, p1/p2. There were only 6 p1’s in the class. The other 5 children were middle class, we were working class. A snobby little boy and his equally snobby mum gave invites to the other 4 p1’s and turned to my dd and said “you’re not invited”. That’s being shitty!

Was quite funny when I (who wasn’t worthy of her), ended up being her boss!

Now that is shitty!

But not comparable to 2 year olds in nursery

Listening to a podcast the other day and there was a story about how a dad got confused and took his 3yo to a party at 12pm instead of 2pm. So basically his child had joined in with a party with a load of kids he had never met, the dad had chatted to a load of parents he had never met, and no one realised at all because at such a young age, kids don’t care. There will be many parties coming along that your child might or might not get invited to. It’s really not worth any headspace.

This would not hurt the child - but it would hurt the mum. It's a very thoughtless thing to do.

@Liverbird77

This would not hurt the child - but it would hurt the mum. It's a very thoughtless thing to do.

But where do you draw the line for a two year olds party? 10 kids is plenty at that age. Inviting a whole nursery is just bonkers

@Lockdownbear I think it depends on the size of the group. If it was a class of 30 and they could only invite ten, then cool.
If it's a class of, say, 12, with six girls and six boys, and the mum only invites three or four of the six girls, then that's just mean.

Nurseries in my experience tend to have quite big groups, one nursery I used had max of 20 at a time but a roll of 35.
So a high percentage were in 3 days so would see different kids on different days. That becomes impossible to invite everyone. Remember the kids are 2/3 8-10 kids and adults supervising is plenty.

I also vote "less than half or all" to be nice.

@Lockdownbear in that case there would be no issue.
My son's is really small so it would be obvious if someone was left out.

@Lockdownbear

Nurseries in my experience tend to have quite big groups, one nursery I used had max of 20 at a time but a roll of 35. So a high percentage were in 3 days so would see different kids on different days. That becomes impossible to invite everyone. Remember the kids are 2/3 8-10 kids and adults supervising is plenty.

Nursery my DD goes to invites are sent to children that go in the same days and/or same age group.

Means my DD misses out on some parties but still has too many parties to go to.

It’s a toddler’s party - they’ll be oblivious. It’s fine.

Different thing in primary school.

The 2 year old thankfully won't notice. Mum will be hurt.

Why? That I can't say, there could be many reasons. It can be a cliquey thing .
Sadly you will come across this .

You do wonder why its not half or all. I never would have left out one or two..

My 2 year old was the only one not invited to a nursery party. He’s a biter. I don’t hold it against the parents! The older sibling of both children are in the same class at primary school and have been to each other’s parties. No hard feelings here. Slightly different to exclude them when they’re older and understand the concept of a party and being invited or not.