I'm an adult who stims. Is that typical?

[Tryingom]

Posting for traffic really. I have a question I've never asked anyone but I'm curious about.

I'm an adult who frequently stims. Things like clicking fingers, flicking wrists and rocking back and forth on my chair. I do this mainly when I'm excited or feel like I've achieved something. Music is also a big trigger for me and I can daydream quite deeply listening to music. I can control it though, .i.e. sat working from home on my own at my desk I will stim after I competing a task. But sat in the office around people the same situation though I would never stim. I remember hiding it from my parents when I was younger, deliberately not doing it round them. I'm not sure anyone has ever really witnessed me stim but it's something I do when I'm alone.

I know stimming can be an autistic trait but wonder if it's fairly normal to stim regardless? I've never been diagnosed with anything or even been assessed for anything. I wouldn't say I find social situations difficult or find it difficult to read people's emotions - I would probably say the opposite that I'm a great judge of character and figuring out what people really mean when they say things, but I do have a history of panic attacks and anxiety. The only time I've heard about stims is in the context of autism. It makes me wonder if I'm on the spectrum to some extent? That may be a completely ignorant thing to say and I'm sorry if it is. I've just never really heard of it outside the context of autism.

I hide the stim because I find it embarrassing and don't want people to see it, but I'm wondering if it's more common than I think?

DD9 stims and does a lot of what you do OP. i’ve never been too concerned because she’s getting on fine with her studies, and is an excellent swimmer (it definitely helps calm it). she can stim away to her heart’s content at home. i do worry about people commenting on it at school though, the kids notice but her teachers haven’t.

I stim by circling my feet counterclockwise. I do it without thinking about it.

I notice it at night when I'm trying to go to sleep and I realise my entire body is super tense and there my feet are going round and round.

I also have a habit of rubbing this super soft blanket I have between my fingers and on my face. I feel driven or compelled to touch that type of fabric when I see it in stores.

I do have ADHD and OCD

I have little understanding of autism and adhd and don’t mean to say anything out of turn.

However, my son has significant childhood trauma and I have read a bit of Bruce Perry’s work on neurobiology (it is very readable. I would absolutely recommend it). He speaks about the need to self regulate and why everyone does it and how this relates to the brain. He also speaks about dissociation (day dreaming) and why this is also healthy.

From my sons experience, he has different ways to self regulate. He chews his clothes, rocks, repeats lines in a song or from tv over and over again. Also, he self harms and dissociates frequently. Reading Bruce Perry’s work, I now understand why and it makes me less worried. I do not believe he has asd (although the trauma has impacted on his development).

The point of my post, is it appears to be normal and healthy and doesn’t necessarily indicate neurodiversity on its own.

Autistic people can be perceptive as you describe in your OP, in fact because of attention to detail and pattern recognition etc, can be extremely perceptive on a subconscious level and notice things that others miss. Just wanted to point out that's a stereotype to say autistic people are socially clueless and don't understand others' motivations.

My DH does it - he has ADHD. He twists his hair around to the point that it knots and bits have to be cut out.

Interestingly, I'm autistic and don't stim at all.

@Chasingaftermidnight

The daydreaming to music sounds like it could be maladaptive daydreaming?

I've read about maladaptive daydreaming before and this fits perfectly with what I do. So I imagine it's probably separate to the stimming. The daydreaming I tend to go home and do in stressful situations when I'm alone as a sort of escape from it all. I do tend to stim while daydreaming though.

@ThisTownAintBigEnoughForBoth

Autistic people can be perceptive as you describe in your OP, in fact because of attention to detail and pattern recognition etc, can be extremely perceptive on a subconscious level and notice things that others miss. Just wanted to point out that's a stereotype to say autistic people are socially clueless and don't understand others' motivations.

Thank you for the correction @ThisTownAintBigEnoughForBoth I was concerned about being ignorant about this. The reason I mentioned the social aspect of it is because while googling over the years to see if maybe I fit criteria of being on the autistic spectrum, social difficulties airways seem to be mentioned as a typical trait. I feel like these websites should be much more explanatory on things like this. It's obvious one size does not fit all.

Another stimmer here! I think it's good, until you find yourself twiddling your hair so badly that you clump it or pull it out. It's a fine line between twiddling and trichotilamania...

Following

I do and always have, although I wouldn't say it's related to excitement or anything like that - for me it's a fidget type stim, as an adult certainly.

As a child I went through phases of chewing hair, also pulling out eyelashes as a teen. I was young with the hair chewing so couldn't tell you if that was in response to any particular stimuli.

As an adult I do all sorts:

• chew the inside of my cheeks
• mess with my eyelashes and eyebrows (I love the feel of the hair)
• play with wedding rings
• I've always twiddled earrings too, removing the backs etc, putting them back on

If I'm completely honest I'm not sure I'm 100% typical. I manage fine in life though as an adult and so don't see a reason to seek any sort of diagnosis. I have heard ADHD can become really tricky for women in menopause so I would come back to this idea if it did.

My DS I also don't think is completely typical. He has sensory sensitivities and I would also say stims in a fidgety way, also verbal, and it's quite obvious that he sometimes needs movement breaks.

I do, but not neurotypical.

Mostly tensing all my muscles round my body, especially jerking my head to one side (looks a bit tic-y but isn't!), flexing my feet. But also generally a fiddler/chewer - bit my nails something chronic until a few years ago, and no pen is safe in my vicinity.

But I think sensory seeking is reasonably normal - humans love things that stimulate our senses, it's why we go mad for ultrasoft towels or those things that are like a spider for head massaging etc, it's all a little dopamine hit. It's just that some people do it more than others, either out of repetitive comfort seeking, or for more dopamine cos theirs is wonky, or whatever.

I also think some forms are more 'acceptable' than others - people don't often bat an eye at leg jigglers, I find, but me being unable to cope in a meeting unless I have a ball of bluetac to pulverise is weird for some reason

TryingOm I understand and yes, social difficulties are definitely an aspect of autism. But the difficulties and disabilities of being on the spectrum may not always look the same in each individual. For instance, most people know that empathy can be an issue for autistic people, but it's nearly always portrayed that they lack empathy. In fact, it can be the complete opposite and autistic people can experience very intense empathy, which does indeed cause them problems! "Standard" male autism can look very different to autism in females, so if you wanted to read further I would advise specifically googling articles and websites which deal with autistic women.

I hope you find some answers to your questions.

I am so relieved to have found this thread. I used to sometimes catch my father doing this and I definitely do it and I always thought it was a bit weird so have hidden it. I do it at home but not at work. Sometimes I feel I need to do it so badly but just try to maintain a professional persona until alone. It’s lovely to know I’m not alone. Who knows one day it may even be accepted as normal.

I have fidgeted my whole life: spinning pens, running my toes together when going to sleep, rubbing my thumb and forefinger together.. It’s a comfort and helps me concentrate or sleep. I remember my mum tapping her foot and my kids do it too.

I’m NT and it has never held me back!

Excuse my ignorance but what's the difference between fidgeting and stiming?

I doodle to help me concentrate when people are talking and when I end a task or need a break after sitting still for a time I might rock, stretch, tap the desk, etc. Not necessarily particularly repetitive, though. Is this the same thing? I’ve never thought of it as stimming or even fidgeting.

If that is the same thing then I‘d say it’s very common, I see people do it all the time in office environments and even on zoom. And In several offices I’ve worked in it’s been encouraged.

I'm wearing a necklace with a glass, apple-shaped pendant. I hold in a way that I can flick at the pendant with my thumb nail. Only on my left hand though. I like the noise and the feeling in my nail.

I’ve always compulsively jiggled my leg. I fidget in other ways as well, but the leg is the really noticeable one. I’ve always felt like it’s burning off excess energy. I have been asked many times to stop because people find it annoying or distracting.

I’m happy with my life now so I’ve never felt the need to seek a diagnosis but many of the experiences of women with autism resonate with me. I’ve never linked the jiggling leg with that though.

Interesting.

I started off reading this thinking I don’t do any of it but I do have a three band interlocked ring that I wear a lot and generally play with I suppose

I do play with stuff if I’m near it- peel labels off books or bottles, wrap cables round my hand, just generally mess about with stuff

Everyone does it, its completely normal. Clicking a pen, biting your lip, hair playing, foot tapping or twisting, rocking or swaying, finger tapping or rubbing, pacing, joint cracking, and so on.

What marks the difference is how prevelant and/or disruptive it is. If you can control it when it's inappropriate to the setting, or harmful to continue - and it doesn’t cause you stress to do so (beyond breaking a habit) then its nothing to worry about.

If you can't manage it, and you think you have other features, then it might be worth considering assessment, but stimming absolutely isn't an exclusive asd trait, and stimming alone - even excessively - isn't enough to meet the diagnostic criteria

It depends how much you do it and whether it causes you any issues? If you can 'hide' it then it's not so much a compulsion as you can be self aware and choose not to do it. Other people may do the same. I bite my nails when I'm alone but would not do it in the office, for example.

Most people do some of this to some extent and if you don't have other issues in your life that go alongside it then you are fine.

Sometimes it can be the start of a road to finding out you may have ADHD or ASD, depends if you have other things such as concentration/ attention issues, social issues etc. and really if it's causing a problem.

If you are happily living your life then I honestly wouldn't worry about it.

ADHD is not an ASD condition.

I think the difference between stims and fidgeting is the magnitude persistence and absorption.