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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeding the cat!

29 replies

Xztop · 25/01/2022 16:16

My ex husband and I have a ok relationship. We get on for dd sake. We have a dog and a cat, they're family pets, which live in the house we both own but I currently live there until dd's 18.
We do various things for each other, I rescued him when his car broke down, locked out, always agree to his last minute change of plans regarding the weekends he has dd.
On average every 6 weeks I go away to visit family, I go alone for one night, leave in the evening back in the morning. Ex DH is now refusing to feed the cat! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 25/01/2022 16:18

Did you ask him if he would feed the cat before you arranged to be away? If its only overnight I'd just put dry food down.

Haus1234 · 25/01/2022 16:18

He’s being a dick, but can you not just leave out a bowl of dry food if it’s one night? Or you can get timed feeders?

Original poster
Xztop · 25/01/2022 16:19

Yes, he comes to collect and drop off our spaniel so he is in the house anyway.

OP posts:
Chikapu · 25/01/2022 16:31

Refusing why?

Original poster
Xztop · 25/01/2022 16:32

@Chikapu

Refusing why?
He doesn't want to
OP posts:
FoamBurst · 25/01/2022 16:32

Just leave it some food? U can get them timer bowls

DdraigGoch · 25/01/2022 16:38

Hang on, so you're back the morning after you left? So away for not much more than 12hrs? That's hardly any time at all, just leave dry food.

pollygartertidywife · 25/01/2022 16:44

... and next time he wants a favour say 'no' !!

Suzanne999 · 25/01/2022 16:48

A cat will be fine with dry food as long as you leave water as well.
I agree he’s being a bit awkward if he’s already there sorting a dog but not worth the possible satisfaction to him if it bothers you.

SamMil · 25/01/2022 16:50

If he is in the house anyway, it seems quite unreasonable of him to say no!

(Thinking of practicalities, can you just leave some dry food down or get a timer feeder? We leave our cats for a full weekend with a trickle feeder)

Original poster
Xztop · 25/01/2022 17:05

I will just leave dry food in future. I was just shocked that it's such a big deal to put a pouch of food in a bowl in the evening and a handful of dry food in the morning when he is there anyway. It seems pathetic to me!! But I wanted other options

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 25/01/2022 17:07

Next time he wants a favour tell him you don't want to

Get a cat sitter in if it's literally just a case of food in bowl

TheSpottedZebra · 25/01/2022 17:10

It's odd that it's changed. Why, do you know?

ISmellBurnings · 25/01/2022 17:12

Seems really childish not to and maybe in the future you won’t do him a favour.

We’ve got an automatic pet feeder which works well for a night, as long as the cat has water.

Original poster
Xztop · 25/01/2022 17:18

Just to add, dd is there too so she gets the cat in if he happens to be out, I try to make sure hes in before I leave.

As for the ex sudden change, I suspect its because he has a new woman and maybe she doesnt like it?!

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 25/01/2022 17:20

Oh that's it then, isn't it! He's showing her that he's all independent!

Original poster
Xztop · 25/01/2022 17:23

@TheSpottedZebra

Oh that's it then, isn't it! He's showing her that he's all independent!
I nearly spat my coffee out reading that! He is far from independent so she's in for a nasty shock!!
OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 25/01/2022 17:25

If he's in the house already, it's a bit daft to refuse but it's not worth arguing over. Just feed the cat early or let her have dry food and feed her the following day.

Ohshittt · 25/01/2022 17:26

@Xztop

Just to add, dd is there too so she gets the cat in if he happens to be out, I try to make sure hes in before I leave.

As for the ex sudden change, I suspect its because he has a new woman and maybe she doesnt like it?!

I was about to type out your last sentence myself! Probably the most likely reason! It will just be the start of things he starts to refuse to do...
sillysmiles · 25/01/2022 17:31

What a silly thing for him to disrupt an amicable arrangement - particularly when he is going to be there to sort out the dog anyway.
The cat will be fine, I'd not make an issue out of it this time. But I would store it up and remember it for the future!

Georgeskitchen · 25/01/2022 17:55

If DD is there can she not feed him?

Original poster
Xztop · 25/01/2022 18:45

@Georgeskitchen

If DD is there can she not feed him?
DD does feed him in the evening when they come to collect the dog. She is usually asleep when he brings the dog back as he comes ridiculously early because he doesnt want the dog in his house. She has said she will feed him in future which is fine in the morning but she's 13 and I dont want her walking over in the evening alone when it's dark and she has to come through an area that is not safe.
OP posts:
Feministwoman · 25/01/2022 19:13

Is your 13 yr old DD alone in the house overnight, while you are away?

Original poster
Xztop · 25/01/2022 19:52

@Feministwoman

Is your 13 yr old DD alone in the house overnight, while you are away?
No! She is at her dad's. I always go the weekend she is with him so as not to mess up my arrangement with her dad
OP posts:
Blankspace4 · 25/01/2022 19:54

Poor cat 😟 does he really not care about him/her enough to spend 30 seconds feeding it? It’s not a favour for you, it’s for a living thing