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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting pics of a poorly child on SM

38 replies

Namechangedforthisone287 · 25/01/2022 11:40

I'm friends with someone on FB, we're not really friends in rl more just acquaintances through other friends. Her children (all under 10) all have covid at the moment, and she is continually posting photos of them with captions clearly designed to induce sympathy.

I find this distasteful, and wonder how she would feel if someone posted pics of her sleeping and clearly unwell without her consent.

AIBU to think this is a bit out of order? Or am I just being judgy?

OP posts:
OfstedOffred · 25/01/2022 11:42

Yanbu.a friend does this. I think her kids are going to be really grumpy about how much shes put online, when they are older

RedCandyApple · 25/01/2022 11:42

Just unfriend her then?

Mol1628 · 25/01/2022 11:46

I have a friend like this. The final straw was when her toddler was in hospital and had to an inhaler mask for meds and she posted a selfie of her whilst administering the mask to him. Don’t get it at all. I’ve unfollowed her now.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 25/01/2022 11:49

Yeah I dont like this either. I also dont really get it?! Why do it?

I do feel for kids these days and the sheer amount of pictures of them all over the internet.

WorriedGiraffe · 25/01/2022 11:51

Her kids may have concerned for all you no, and she may pass on others well wishes to them, they might even like that. You wouldn’t really no as you arnt friends. Just unfollow her if it bothers you, it is distasteful I’m my opinion but she’s entitled to use her social media for whatever she wants really.

WorriedGiraffe · 25/01/2022 11:51

Consented not concerned, damn autocorrect

HomeIsDogs · 25/01/2022 11:52

Poor kids. I wouldn’t be friends with anyone like that as we’d have totally different morals and thoughts on parenting.

Confiscatedpopit · 25/01/2022 11:57

I’ve seen parents posting photos of their children in ambulances… I really do not get any of this. If they are gravely ill and the family need real support then fair enough- everything else, just no.

BeeDavis · 25/01/2022 11:59

I absolutely hate this. I don’t think a lot of pictures of children should be on socials.. i.e poorly, sleeping, on the toilet (i mean, wtf!) there’s just no need!!

Thesearmsofmine · 25/01/2022 11:59

I agree with you.

There is a YouTube family who last night uploaded a vlog of their visibly very poorly toddler who was admitted to hospital at the weekend, this included vlogging actually in the hospital. It shouldn’t be allowed.

DropYourSword · 25/01/2022 11:59

I think you're being a bit judgey. But at the same time I wouldn't do this and find it quite cringey so I guess I would judge too, but quietly with an eye roll! I don't think it's "out of order" though

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 25/01/2022 12:07

@DropYourSword

I think you're being a bit judgey. But at the same time I wouldn't do this and find it quite cringey so I guess I would judge too, but quietly with an eye roll! I don't think it's "out of order" though
I mean out of order from the point of view of the privacy of the child. Fully happy to admit I'm being quite judgy though!
ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 25/01/2022 12:09

@BeeDavis

I absolutely hate this. I don’t think a lot of pictures of children should be on socials.. i.e poorly, sleeping, on the toilet (i mean, wtf!) there’s just no need!!
Yes, another friend shared video of her child using the potty to do a poo! To be fair, nothing indecent shown, other than the close up of the poo.. and I get that she's a proud mum, but really?
Thehop · 25/01/2022 12:09

It’s absolutely hideous. I had to unfollow a few people for uploading hospital pictures for sympathy.

Poor kids.

WhyYesYABU · 25/01/2022 12:09

I think it's a bit...grim. Not sure how else to describe it. I took photos of my daughter in hospital to update DH but would never dream of sharing wider. It seems inappropriate somehow.

When my grandmother was dying in hospital one of my cousins posted a selfie with her looking awful. I found it deeply distasteful and upsetting.

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 25/01/2022 12:11

@WorriedGiraffe

Her kids may have concerned for all you no, and she may pass on others well wishes to them, they might even like that. You wouldn’t really no as you arnt friends. Just unfollow her if it bothers you, it is distasteful I’m my opinion but she’s entitled to use her social media for whatever she wants really.
Yes, absolutely I get that it's her SM to post what she likes, but those images are out there for anyone on her friends list to see presumably (she has lots of FB friends) and I don't see how a kid under 10 can consent to that with full understanding.
PollyFlint · 25/01/2022 12:12

I wouldn't do it myself, but ultimately it's not really up to you to say what is/isn't OK for your friend to do in this respect. Her kids might be totally fine with it; a lot of kids have grown up with social media and are completely used to their lives being public.

Different people use their social media in different ways - for some people it's almost like a shared record of their family life, or just a way of sharing with friends what's going on in a world where we don't necessarily have time to be calling each other or going out for coffee all the time etc.

I think it's a bit revealing that you have an issue with her 'asking for sympathy'. I think if her three kids are sick with Covid, both she and the kids are pretty deserving of a bit of sympathy/reassurance, and if I was her friend I wouldn't resent her asking for and getting it.

My friend sometimes posts pictures of his son on his regular hospital trips. He's got a condition that needs frequent treatment and all-day/overnight stays, and for them that's part of the reality of their lives and a normal thing to share with friends and family, rather than only sharing nice sanitised stuff like holidays and birthday parties.

Snowpaw · 25/01/2022 12:17

I always think when I see these types of pictures, that surely the sick child would appreciate a hug or a story or a chat from their mother rather than a phone being in their face. If your child is ill they need the parents full attention, not photos. I find the whole thing bizarre

DropYourSword · 25/01/2022 12:17

Hey OP, you say you've name changed for this but are replying as the OP back as a different username. Thought you might appreciate a heads up!

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 25/01/2022 12:22

@DropYourSword

Hey OP, you say you've name changed for this but are replying as the OP back as a different username. Thought you might appreciate a heads up!
Ah, crap. Namechanged for something else, but hadn't changed it back, then replying through the app. Total fail!
Themorallycorrupt · 25/01/2022 12:27

I have friends who do this and I think it's dumb attention seeking, but I keep them there because for some reason I seem to enjoy being annoyed by the actions I judge them for.
And always with those posts, will be the other competitive mums (it's always mums) who have to one-up each other on how sick their children are, which seems like a weird thing to be boasting about.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 25/01/2022 12:32

I wouldn't ever post photos of my sick children ( they'd never forgive me!) but I do think it's a bit unkind of you to stay she is trying to get sympathy.

My DD was very seriously ill and in hospital for a week after an emergency admission. I couldn't keep up with all the messages I was getting from concerned friends and family so I put updates on Facebook as and when there was any news. It wasn't for sympathy I can assure you. It may have been for support I suppose. I got so much practical and emotional support from people after posting updates. Mainly i did it to to keep the people who care about DD in the loop about a serious situation.

I hope your "friend's" DC recover well and your "friend" gets some kind and helpful support as It really is awful when your children are sick.

Sloughsabigplace · 25/01/2022 12:34

Attention seeking at it’s worst.

I couldn’t imagine being conceded with taking a photo if my child was ill.

Sirzy · 25/01/2022 12:38

Ds first smile photo was when he was in hospital at 8 weeks old. He was just off Cpap and on nasal cannulas. It’s one of my favourite photos of him so yes I shared it.

I didn’t share the photos of him at his worse at the time but a few years ago when talking about the time with DS he showed them and asked me to share them so at that point I did. I only took the photos at the time because a nurse told me I would need the photos down the line and she was right they helped me massively and they have since helped DS in understanding things too even though he was way too young to remember!

Toottooot · 25/01/2022 12:39

Not something I would do but she’s nae yer pal so just unfriend her then you winna see it onymare.