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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Desk taken at work while on maternity

459 replies

Flopsy145 · 25/01/2022 04:23

I'm coming to the end of my maternity leave and have found out that a man in my team has moved into my desk while I've been off and replaced it with a standing desk. I love my desk, it has a window and privacy which I need more than him in the role I'm in, and I can see my daughter's nursery.
He's on more money than me, and didn't even ask to have my desk, which still has a locked cupboard of mine next to it which I need.
The desk I've been moved to is pretty shit.
AIBU to demand my desk back?

OP posts:
Youcansaythatagainandagain · 25/01/2022 10:26

You’ve been off work for months. I thinI it’s unreasonable to expect your desk to have been empty for so long.

girlmom21 · 25/01/2022 10:31

@SportsMother

I would be quite clear to him and LM.

Dear LM, given the confidentiality of the material on my screens I see it as essential that I have a desk that is not overlooked. As you know this is why I had the previous desk space.
Can I ask that it is returned ASAP
CF, this is in no way meant to be offensive to you, and I am in no way suggesting that you would behave inappropriately. But for the sake of good practice, and the privacy of those whose information will be visible this is the simplest solution. I’m sure you understand.

Ta!

Or just talk to your line manager rather than send PA emails.

Anything signed off with 'ta' would be deleted from my inbox because you know the email will be obnoxious and unproductive.

Pazuzu · 25/01/2022 10:33

It's not your desk.

Also, why did you need to specify it was a MAN taking "your" desk? Would the problem not exist if a woman had taken it?

There is no way that a desk with a half decent view is going to stay empty for six months (or whatever) or longer.

Unless you've got some reasonable adjustment need for that desk then not sure what leverage you have.

Original poster
Flopsy145 · 25/01/2022 10:38

@Pazuzu I honestly don't care who sat in it while I was off and continue to be off, just about going back to my original spot beforehand.
If I'm honest I think mentioning that it was a man is relevant and also that he did not ask me is relevant, in my experience a lot of men in the workplace feel a sense of entitlement, especially over women and more so if they are less senior. I would have felt the same if it was a woman, but it wasn't, and there are women in worse desks in my office who did not do it.

OP posts:
flowery · 25/01/2022 10:39

@TheFishWillSeeYouNow

YANBU! I'd email him, cc his manager, along the lines of 'hi James, just to give you a heads up I'll be back from leave on 12th Feb, so you will need to have replaced my desk in its usual spot by then. Looking forward to catching up when I'm back in'.
Why would he “need to have replaced her desk in its usual spot”? OP doesn’t say anything to suggest she is his line manager therefore in any position to give him such an instruction?
flowery · 25/01/2022 10:40

”that he did not ask me is relevant”

Why would he ask you? Surely he’d ask whoever his manager is, or whoever is responsible for desk allocation?

Cstring · 25/01/2022 10:40

You can ask for your old spot back, but I think you really are on a hiding to nothing with this.
In summary, you had a favourite desk, someone has taken it whilst you were off for a year. So what?
As far as I can make out, the only valid point you have is about is confidential information, but that can be easily resolved with privacy screens.

Cheekypeach · 25/01/2022 10:42

in my experience a lot of men in the workplace feel a sense of entitlement, especially over women

…but you don’t feel a ‘sense of entitlement’ in wanting to ‘take back’ a space that doesn’t belong to you 🙄

drpet49 · 25/01/2022 10:46

* You need to make a formal complaint that the relocation is materially detrimental to your wellbeing at work and to your ability to perform your duties and that it being firces through while you were on leave is discriminatory.*

^This is hilarious and quite pathetic

godmum56 · 25/01/2022 10:46

[quote KatherineJaneway]@godmum56

hilarious

Care to enlighten me? What is so funny?[/quote]
The OP has no rights to that desk or floorspace unless there is a genuine occupational requirement or a health and safety issue mat leave or no mat leave. Even if she was actually working at the time, it would have been enough to say "XXX now needs a standing desk for their back issue and therefore you are going to move your desk away from the window to accommodate the desk that xxx needs'" I have been both a movee and a mover and belive me if she messages standing desk employee and requires them to move, it won't get her anywhere....and wanting it back because there is a window and she can see the nursery.......I mean on what planet is that EVER going to happen?

AnakinthePadawhine · 25/01/2022 10:48

There are First World Problems, and then there are Public Sector Problems....

godmum56 · 25/01/2022 10:49

@SportsMother

I would be quite clear to him and LM.

Dear LM, given the confidentiality of the material on my screens I see it as essential that I have a desk that is not overlooked. As you know this is why I had the previous desk space.
Can I ask that it is returned ASAP
CF, this is in no way meant to be offensive to you, and I am in no way suggesting that you would behave inappropriately. But for the sake of good practice, and the privacy of those whose information will be visible this is the simplest solution. I’m sure you understand.

Ta!

oh the comedians are out in force today
lsjdkviwworin · 25/01/2022 10:49

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I'm considering just telling him 'im coming back on x date, if you could make sure my desk is clear by then that would be great, thanks!' and seeing what he says?

Do this.

If he doesn't comply, and work doesn't support you, then wit until he has a day off and swap them back.

Do not do this 🤦🏻‍♀️
Original poster
Flopsy145 · 25/01/2022 10:51

@Cheekypeach I understand it doesn't 'belong to me,' but everyone in my team has had the same desk for years. If there's ever been a switch it's been discussed and agreed between the two people switching, our boss has never been involved. I know if I wasn't off I wouldn't have come in one day and found he switched them without asking, but he's jumped on the opportunity of me not being there which I personally think is wrong. People may disagree, but personally I think it's cheeky and rude to do that to someone if they're off for maternity, medical, sabatical whatever it is. I would never do that to someone, or I would have said 'hey hope it's ok if I move to your desk while you're off but just let me know when you're back and I'll make sure it's ready for you.'

OP posts:
NorthSouthcatlady · 25/01/2022 10:51

An old manager of mine whilst trying to resolve these kind of disagreements would want to know who the desk belongs to. As you didn’t bring it from home and didn’t buy it, then it’s not your desk. There’s only 1 person here who sounds entitled and it’s not the man with the stand up desk Confused. A workplace won’t keep an area as a shrine to someone on maternity leave, on secondment etc. Things move on. There have been a lot of changes in most workplaces in the last year or so. You’re coming across as precious and entitled, if l was your manager l wouldn’t entertain your sill request

Original poster
Flopsy145 · 25/01/2022 10:55

Sorry everyone I feel like I've caused a bit of a 50/50 split battle here! Didn't mean to rile anyone up. Like pp have said, in the grand scheme of things it's very minor. Is it cheeky imo, yes, is it the end of the world if I move desks, absolutely not. Even if he doesn't move, I will say I think it's cheeky to have done it so he knows he can't just move desks without agreeing with the person originally in that desk as whatever people say that is rude when you have allocated desks, I get on with him well enough to be honest, but then I'll drop it and live my life quite happily at my new desk haha!

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 25/01/2022 10:55

[quote Flopsy145]@Pazuzu I honestly don't care who sat in it while I was off and continue to be off, just about going back to my original spot beforehand.
If I'm honest I think mentioning that it was a man is relevant and also that he did not ask me is relevant, in my experience a lot of men in the workplace feel a sense of entitlement, especially over women and more so if they are less senior. I would have felt the same if it was a woman, but it wasn't, and there are women in worse desks in my office who did not do it.[/quote]
I'm sorry but it's not relevant. He doesn't have to ask you. Just like you can't ask him to move.

Talk to your line manager. You are making this a far bigger deal than it needs to be. This needed not take up any more thought than speaking with your manager and asking where you will be sitting when you get back. Then have the discussion about privacy etc and come up with a solution with them (line manager). But be aware that they may not be able to accommodate your request (not demand).

NotTheGrinchAgain · 25/01/2022 10:59

So let's get this straight...you expected someone to contact you while you were on leave to ask your permission to use the desk you had vacated? And you aren't actually back at work, so you have NO reason to believe he wont relocate to another desk when you return? I mean he hasnt moved your locked cabinet of stuff, so there is no indication he is trying to usurp you.

You sound a bit unhinged, to be honest.

Just simply email him and say, "hi just to notify you I'm returning to work 3 days a week starting on Xx.xx.2022, so if you could kindly make sure you've removed any of your personal belongings back to your own desk that would be great."

End of. Why make such a massive drama of about it? Just ask the guy nicely to move! Or make a joke of it... "ha so you thought you'd nab the window seat while I was off did you, nice try!"

Don't make it such hard work.

SoupDragon · 25/01/2022 11:00

If I'm honest I think mentioning that it was a man is relevant

The only way it's relevant is that it gives people the chance to launch into accusations of sexist behaviour. Other than that, no it isn't.

Original poster
Flopsy145 · 25/01/2022 11:01

Either that or I'll arrange for an office reshuffle to better make use of the space and change the layout so we all have private desks Smile this is something that has been spoken about in the past anyway.

OP posts:
Leftbutcameback · 25/01/2022 11:01

I think a lot of people who are used to hot desking don't understand about having a fixed desk spot. In my old office (left in 2015) we all had our own desks and any desk moves were discussed and agreed in advance. I moved three times in 7 years, but never far. I wouldn't have agreed a move to under the air con vent as that was what I hated. I wasn't bothered about a window.

Psychologically having your own space is important to a lot of people. It's also a practical thing in terms of getting desks set up for you with cables, foot rests, screen height etc. together with having files close by, and not having to clear your desk every night. It's one of the reasons I don't bother going into an office anymore.

Even in an office with hot desking our EAs had permanent desks.

It's poor behaviour OP, raise it with your LM and good luck.

EerieSilence · 25/01/2022 11:02

I believe you are ridiculous. You don't have a right to a certain place unless you are a CEO or a VP and have an office assigned for yourself.
Doesn't matter whether it's a man or a woman. Doesn't matter what position you have, if it doesn't come with a dedicated office, it's fair game.
Out of interest - have you thought about asking the man to give it back, as in having a polite conversation?

Lunificent · 25/01/2022 11:03

I do think you need to speak to your boss about having a private space for sensitive conversations, as this is something impkrtant that you appear to have lost due to his taking your space.
I don’t think you should refer to your old desk, just mention the need for privacy.

3luckystars · 25/01/2022 11:05

I understand. I work in an office too and we would definitely consult with a person before moving them.
I would not let him away with it anyway.

MabelsApron · 25/01/2022 11:06

The thing that really riles me about this is on any post where women talk about parents getting preferential treatment in the workplace - I speak as someone who's worked the last 7 Christmases, who is continually covering mat leaves, and who does nearly all of the meetings whilst parents are doing twice-daily school runs - loads of people pop up and tell them that they mustn't complain, and if they do they're sexist and putting women's rights back 50 years.

The moment a parent posts about not getting a window desk, people pop up and call it maternity discrimination and suggest she goes to HR and/or sneaks into the building and changes it back.

It's weaponising a protected characteristic, and it really bothers me.