Hen weekend…Who should pay?

[GlassHalfFull10]

Hen weekend in Lisbon booked for 2020 (4 of us going). All postponed to July this year. If we’d moved the exact dates/weekend the price would be the same. One of the hens needed to move the weekend and now it’s gone up by £250.

Should we sink it into the kitty or should she pay?

YABU: sink into kitty
YANBU: she pays

Has she said why she now can't make it? Is it a 'good' reason? I think this matters in this situation. Given that she is moving the date I think she should offer to pay all or most, it would polite, as she is requesting to maybe say - will everyone pay £35 each and I'll pay the rest.

As regards your name change that clearly was your choice. If your passport was running out and needed to be renewed then I can see, if you are changing your name, you would want it to be up to date. However if it had time left on it and you chose to do it then that was up to you. In any event, this was your choice, so you should pay.

Yep also agree that your name change is your cost.

We split the cost in these circumstances

You should definitely split the costs, just because a weekend in 2020 worked for everyone doesn’t mean the corresponding weekend in 2022 will, it’s No one’s fault and should certainly not be blamed on your one friend

^this

Split the costs, it's not her fault Covid happened either, plus it isn't the same weekend, the one she'd agreed to go on, it's two years later so hardly her fault it clashes with something else

I think YANBU as you had original date and then settled on the new date. THEN she’s requested you change the date to a different weekend.

It would be different if you had postponed trip, and were looking at options, same weekend as 2020 was £ and the only weekend you were all available was more expensive - then she shouldn’t offer to pay as that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

However, as she’s requesting an additional third change after you’ve all agreed, then the additional cost is on her I would say?

What is the reason she can’t do the original date? That would change my view as well - if it’s something like her sisters wedding I would be more forgiving, but if she’s just changing dates to fit in a holiday I would be peeved.

Despite the many replies, I still can't work out of the revised date was initially agreed and then she came back at a later stage and said it needed to move. If so then the decent thing would have been for her to offer to pay the extra.

If the trying to find a revised date in the first place she said the option at the same price wasn't possible, then I'd think it's just unfortunate but the cost would have to get split. Not her fault.

I think the thing that stands out is that if she had offered you would have shot it down and had no problem paying but as she hasn’t offered you feel annoyed even to the point of considering your name change cost should be split.

I think as you would have paid if she offered, let it go as it makes no difference to you cost wise and it’s just holding a small grudge over something irrelevant.

@MaggieFS

Despite the many replies, I still can't work out of the revised date was initially agreed and then she came back at a later stage and said it needed to move. If so then the decent thing would have been for her to offer to pay the extra.

If the trying to find a revised date in the first place she said the option at the same price wasn't possible, then I'd think it's just unfortunate but the cost would have to get split. Not her fault.

Yeah I know, I presumed that the travel agents told them that they could change to the same date in 2022 for no extra cost but that date didn't suit the OPs friend so they needed to a different date instead at the cost of €250 from this post :

Postponed trip in 2022 on same July weekend is the same price as 2020 trip
One person can't make it so changed to another weekend at a cost of +250

But it isn't very clear

‘It was still your choice to change your name and do it before this trip’

Yeah, just postpone your wedding to make sure you don’t have to pay to change your name on the booking for your mates hen do. OP already said her passport needed renewing, so wouldn’t have been able to travel at all without doing it at which point she had had her wedding. What a stupid thing to say

I don’t think OP said she had to renew it anyway but I might not have understood that clearly. I thought she name changed so got a new passport.

Either way, name changing is still a choice and you wouldn’t need to postpone a wedding as there’s no time limit if you did choose to wait to change it on your passport.

You should share the costs. Unless you’re saying that she had firmly committed to the same weekend in 2022, you had been told the original price only applied if you kept the same weekend, but she went and made other plans anyway, I can’t see how it’s her fault! If you were planning the hen weekend now, and she was the only one who wasn’t available on a cheaper weekend, so you all had to go on a more expensive one, would you ask her to pay the difference?

The name change fee is a complete red herring. It’s not compulsory to change your name if you get married, and not compulsory to change your passport even if you do. You chose to do it, and this is a consequence of that choice.

So when it was postponed from 2020 it was moved to the exact same weekend and the travel company said it is the same price. We were all very happy. They have a deposit.

Then it came to confirming and paying the balance and she realised she couldn’t do the date this year because she’s committed to looking after her sister’s child that weekend. So we all rallied around finding new dates and this is when we learnt that the new date is £250 more.

I’m not that bothered about the passport cost and wouldn’t have questioned it. But it’s now a bit more painful as I’m paying another cost for the name change. As I say, it’s all a lot of money for me. I had to change my passport as it was expiring so that wasn’t a choice.

I would definitely expect the cost to be split. I don't see how one person could be expected to pay that much more and it's just unfortunate circumstance

The only other option is going that same weekend without her.. and refunding her what she'd already paid

Meant to say and that would mean you'd all have to pay a lot more anyway.

Lisbon is fab and unexpectedly reasonable for food and drink
Enjoy it

How much are you paying?
Flights to Lisbon and nice hotels are really cheap usually

Have to priced it up yourselves?

I'd just message back and say "I'm already forking out another 125 as I've got to change my name on the booking so it's a bit frustrating to have to pay another 60 odd on top again - Jenny, can you shoulder most of this additional charge seeing as we've only had to move it as you are busy"

None of your fault that it was cancelled, and the woman hasn't got a crystal ball to know she can go on the same date in two years' time. Definitely a split cost in my book.

I think given the update, at the point it became clear the new weekend cost more, she should have offered to pay the extra or told her sister she couldn't look after the children. Really, other people in the group should have said they weren't comfortable with the extra cost at that point rather than enable here to think it wasn't an issue.

Personally I'd feel guilty if I caused other people to pay more in this situation, but if she hasn't offered and time has past, there's not much you can do.

Thanks Maggie, I think that's right and also the others who said it would irk them that there were no offer of payment or a 'I'll get the first round in when we get there'... nothing.

I just spoke to the hen that's organising it and she said she's annoyed about it too, mainly that there's no acknowledgment from her that she's caused the extra cost. And no thank you for moving the dates to suit me either - it's caused her quite a bit of faff.

As PP have said, it's possibly not worth getting upset about and I will get over it ;-)

Re the passport... I have changed my name (my choice I know... I hated my maiden name but that's for another thread!!) but my passport was expiring so obviously changed the new one to my new name. I hadn't even thought to ask anyone else to pay this charge until this happened.

Honestly, this has been so helpful, so thank you to anyone responding...

@GlassHalfFull10

So when it was postponed from 2020 it was moved to the exact same weekend and the travel company said it is the same price. We were all very happy. They have a deposit.

Then it came to confirming and paying the balance and she realised she couldn’t do the date this year because she’s committed to looking after her sister’s child that weekend. So we all rallied around finding new dates and this is when we learnt that the new date is £250 more.

I’m not that bothered about the passport cost and wouldn’t have questioned it. But it’s now a bit more painful as I’m paying another cost for the name change. As I say, it’s all a lot of money for me. I had to change my passport as it was expiring so that wasn’t a choice.

The date was confirmed earlier, her fault for not checking. Make her pay. Especially since she has such a lame reason. UNLESS there's a yuuuuge backstory such as sister's child having special needs while sister goes into a very tense heart surgery... or similar.

@GlassHalfFull10

So when it was postponed from 2020 it was moved to the exact same weekend and the travel company said it is the same price. We were all very happy. They have a deposit.

Then it came to confirming and paying the balance and she realised she couldn’t do the date this year because she’s committed to looking after her sister’s child that weekend. So we all rallied around finding new dates and this is when we learnt that the new date is £250 more.

I’m not that bothered about the passport cost and wouldn’t have questioned it. But it’s now a bit more painful as I’m paying another cost for the name change. As I say, it’s all a lot of money for me. I had to change my passport as it was expiring so that wasn’t a choice.

Ah OK, that kind of changes my original opinion on it, she should have known the date you were supposed to be going and not committed to minding her sisters child as she already had plans so in that case I do think she should pay