Hen weekend…Who should pay?

[GlassHalfFull10]

Hen weekend in Lisbon booked for 2020 (4 of us going). All postponed to July this year. If we’d moved the exact dates/weekend the price would be the same. One of the hens needed to move the weekend and now it’s gone up by £250.

Should we sink it into the kitty or should she pay?

YABU: sink into kitty
YANBU: she pays

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I think it should be split. The original weekend was cancelled, so it's not being moved to the 'exact same weekend'. If the weekend is cancelled then it gets moved to an alternative weekend that's convenient for everyone, so if the dates for 2020+ 1 year arent convenient for everyone then it's not really fair to make one person pay based on the fact that a random date a few weeks / months earlier was cheaper.

Agree with this.

I have to pay for the name change on the flight Bernadette…I’ve got married and a new passport in the last two years.

YANBU.

She should pay if everyone else can make the less expensive dates.

@GlassHalfFull10 if you had gone on the original date would you have had to pay for name change?

To be fair all additional costs incurred should be split.

Hold on!
So there are 3 dates:

1. original
2. July 2022 postponed
3. Change that costs £250.

If she changed the already postponed date then YANBU. She should pay!

I kind of feel its not her fault though and it could have been any of you needing to move it due to the delay. If she had insisted on moving it originally I'd be annoyed but as its been delayed and she can't do the exact week I think it's just one of those things and split the cost. She couldn't have forseen a 2 year delay

I agree with this but, if I was the one causing the extra cost, I would offer to pay for it as I'd feel really guilty.

I think, if this were me and 3 of my close friends then we would add up the £250 date change and the £125 name change and divide it by 4 to be honest. Neither of them are your fault and I do think they're comparable. Or, if not that, then split the £250 three ways and you just pay your name change but no more.

I actually think its cheeky fuckery to ask for a more expensive week then expect everyone to split the cost - she should have automatically offered to pay the difference.

Ironically its almost always better off people who do this, specifically because it's not much to them so they can't imagine £62 even mildly inconviencing any of their friends, while £250 is enough to be mildly irritating to them...

I say that as someone who now has an okay amount of disposable income but was frequently hit by things like this from a more wealthy circle when my children were small and we had less disposable income - two separate years a group of us made plans to go to a food and beer festival requiring reservations, then after reserving the general cost free tickets the worst offender of the group suddenly needed a date change at the last minute meaning all the ordinary, no minimum charge seating had gone but no problems, there were still exclusive tables - much nicer and food's included in the £80 cover charge, happy days, just pay her back, she was rebooking! So I'd drop out... The first time I made non committal excuses but the second time I stated my reason and she was all blustery surprise and concern but didn't actually back down (didn't need concern, just not to pay out completely unnecessarily) - we'd chatted a lot before that and visited each other's houses, but I went right off her after that. Same woman asked for handouts to furnish a new apartment when her marriage broke down and ghosted two people who offered her mismatched but still serviceable second hand stuff and posted posed photos of a man friend letting her choose brand new freebies from his shop all over social media...

If you expect the world on a plate sometimes you get it...

Why should you split the name change? You wouldn’t split the costs of someone renewing the passport and it’s OP’s choice whether and when she changes her name…

@sanbeiji

Hold on! So there are 3 dates:

1. original
2. July 2022 postponed
3. Change that costs £250.

If she changed the already postponed date then YANBU. She should pay!

Yes so: Original 2020 trip booked but then postponed due to Covid 2021 I get married and get a new passport (+125) Postponed trip in 2022 on same July weekend is the same price as 2020 trip One person can't make it so changed to another weekend at a cost of +250

I agree with you!

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

I actually think its cheeky fuckery to ask for a more expensive week then expect everyone to split the cost - she should have automatically offered to pay the difference.

Ironically its almost always better off people who do this, specifically because it's not much to them so they can't imagine £62 even mildly inconviencing any of their friends, while £250 is enough to be mildly irritating to them...

I say that as someone who now has an okay amount of disposable income but was frequently hit by things like this from a more wealthy circle when my children were small and we had less disposable income - two separate years a group of us made plans to go to a food and beer festival requiring reservations, then after reserving the general cost free tickets the worst offender of the group suddenly needed a date change at the last minute meaning all the ordinary, no minimum charge seating had gone but no problems, there were still exclusive tables - much nicer and food's included in the £80 cover charge, happy days, just pay her back, she was rebooking! So I'd drop out... The first time I made non committal excuses but the second time I stated my reason and she was all blustery surprise and concern but didn't actually back down (didn't need concern, just not to pay out completely unnecessarily) - we'd chatted a lot before that and visited each other's houses, but I went right off her after that. Same woman asked for handouts to furnish a new apartment when her marriage broke down and ghosted two people who offered her mismatched but still serviceable second hand stuff and posted posed photos of a man friend letting her choose brand new freebies from his shop all over social media...

If you expect the world on a plate sometimes you get it...

This is EXACTLY it... literally nail on the head!!

There is a complete sense of entitlement, in my opinion, and different finances. This is a massive financial 'treat' for me, whereas for her it's quite normal. Maybe that's why she's in a different financial situation to me overall ;-)

Thank you @blameitonthecaffeine maybe I'll do as you suggest and ask that my name change is put into the cost. This would take the sting out and I feel more fair.

But was the postponed trip date set or just suggested nearer the time?

I mean was it we’ll do it in 2022, oh look they have the same dates for the same price, sorry guys I can’t make that weekend

Or

We’ll do it in the on they same date in 2022, yay, everyone agrees, nearer the time x says she can’t make it now

I don't think you can ask them to share the cost of your passport change. You choose to change your name on your passport, you don't actually have to.

The second one MiddleClassProblem. It was all fine until a week or so ago when we were about to pay the balance.

I did have to as needed a new passport and changed name at the same time Bernadette.

If she offered would you honestly let her pay rather than split? For me I would be glad all going and back on track.

@GlassHalfFull10

The second one MiddleClassProblem. It was all fine until a week or so ago when we were about to pay the balance.

I did have to as needed a new passport and changed name at the same time Bernadette.

Then YANBU.

Also yes with the entitled attitude.
If she didn’t even offer to pay, just assumed you’d swallow the cost I’d be pissed off.

CF money is one of my personal bugbears because I like you would have leapt in to cover myself

I did have to as needed a new passport and changed name at the same time Bernadette

So was the passport expired/due to expire?

But it's not their problem that you needed a new passport. The passport was required as expired. So covid related due to delay, not due to the new date one of them has suggested

NewlyPassed… you’re right. I’d have offered! As you say, we’d prob just have said not to bother.

Bernadette, but my extra cost is due to covid and postponing the holiday as is hers? The £125 is for the cost of the change not of the actual passport (which I think was £80).

I’ve bent over backwards to accommodate new dates and also having to pay for it 😳

Did she say why she couldn’t do that date?

Although for me I don’t think it would make a difference. £62 extra for a holiday abroad with people close to me, I’m not sure I would think to place blame or think she was a CF.

A friend asking me to pay extra because she has changed her name on her passport on the other hand would be a CF and probably leave a bad vibe in the air for the holiday.

Unless someone is hard up, I’m not sure why how much more money she has is relevant. I also wonder how people seem to know the details of their friend’a finances on these threads!

@GlassHalfFull10

Ursula, I’m really not sure that’s why I’m asking.

My name has changed in the last two years and I have to pay for that change £125.

Everyone else could do the original dates.

It’s not my hen btw :-)

you should argue that change, as it only exists because you had to delay due to coivd

Sorry x post. So the charge is on the travel plans for you name. But it was still your choice to change your name and do it before this trip.

I dunno… it just all seems quite picky over something that’s meant to be a nice time. All makes me feel a bit sad. I hope it doesn’t taint the trip with people countering charges…

I would have said before you rebooked that it would cost an extra £62 and see what everyone said. If it was me I'd offer not to come personally, then if everyone said no they wanted me there ewpute the extra choice I'd be very grateful. Personally if I was one of the hens being asked to pay more then I'd be annoyed if it was just done without consulting me and I was just told I owed an extra amount without any option to ask why.

Also depends how much it would cost overall -if its going to be a grand per person then £60 odd isnt much in the scheme of things, if it was going to only be £300 anyway then an extra 20 percent could be quite a lot.

I know you said you wanted everyone there but what would you have done if one person had said "sorry no it was already a tight budget for me and that's pushed it over, if we go the original weekend I can come but otherwise I can't, sorry."

If I thought it would be a struggle for one of my bf's I'd offer to pay the extra but it sounds like she maybe just isn't aware that an extra £62 is a big deal for anyone.

I don't necessarily think either of you ABU.

Hmmm.. If I were the one changing the dates incurring a higher cost, I would definitely offer to pay the additional cost. However, if I was the other party members, I would offer to share the cost 😅

I'm a wimp about these things but it think it depends:
If she agreed the new July 2022 weekend and it was rebooked with everyone in agreement and now she's got a clash she should pay.
If it was just rebooked without consultation assuming everyone would be free then it should be a shared cost.

Why couldn't she make the rebooked date in 2022? Presumably she knew the date of the trip well in advance?

If she was recovering from surgery / maid of honour at her sisters last minute wedding then I wouldn't quibble but I get the feeling it's nothing like that.

She should pay.