Men go weird after sex AIBU?

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So this has been driving me insane all day

I’m a single mum and get on really well with a male colleague
Although we only see each other at work about once a fortnight

I’ve known him for nearly 2 years
We’ve always got on but 2 months ago the milf flirting turned into him asking for my number

Swapped numbers and he text me some jokey stuff almost immediately. Even called me but I was too busy to answer.

Then a couple weeks went by and nothing
So I bit the bullet and text him. It was to ask advice on something but also to get the conversation started

Since then we’ve been (mostly driven by him) texting every day sometimes for hours and he’s phoned me several times too.

We arranged a date last Friday
Took me out for dinner and we got on really well as always

Yes we then spent the night together we seem to have great chemistry

Nothing negative happened that I can think of
He was keen to know info on any men that may be in my life
Like is there anyone else? That kind of thing

We left on good terms
But this is where I’m confused
In the morning we chatted before leaving
He said to me you didn’t just come here for this though did you? I said no. He asked why then? I said to spend time with you
He asked why I wanted to do that? I told him it’s because I like him of course

He said he was just checking

I knew he was going to pick his kids up that morning and spend the day with him but he said text me when you get home

I did and later he just replied with a kiss
I knew he was busy no big deal

Since that he has totally cooled off
No more morning texts nothing
I’ve text him a couple times just to say hi or jokey things and I get replies but they are short and sweet and leave me with nothing to answer

So now I’m thinking wtf?
Do I just give him space and wait it out (don’t want to seem clingy)
Do I just outright ask him what’s up?
Or is it all in my head
He’s definitely changed though

I’ve been out of this dating game for ages

He knows I’m just wanting to see how things go and not trying to get him into a relationship immediately

But honestly before this we could talk about anything and everything and now it’s like he’s fallen off the planet!

AIBU??

To add to this I have not text him today and neither has he text me
If I did text him this would be the 3rd day in a row where I’ve initiated it and it’s 99% of the time always him
I sound crazy don’t I 😂

Did you sleep with him on first date?

Oh just cut your losses. I was once told if a man is acting like he doesn’t give a shit, he doesn’t give a shit.

Personally the hot and cold would put me off anyway. At least you had a nice evening, but I’d put this behind you and move on. X

3rd date 🤷‍♀️

Definitely move on. Don't give him another thought, you're worth more than that.

And no, not all men. There are decent men our there but not him.

I would say pretend not to care, keep it light, be funny and beautiful in the office but not at him, just when he's around, be a bit distant but friendly and he'll probably come sniffing round again but honestly, can you be arsed? He's a twat who can't handle a woman who likes sex. I mean he liked the sex obviously, but you're not allowed to. There are plenty of men like this that's for sure but there are plenty unlike it too. Find one of them.

He sounds like hard work. Either that, or he enjoyed the chase but now that’s over. Shame but move on before you’re too emotionally invested.

I kind of feel like we’ve known each other long enough to have it out with him
Just ask him outright
But then I guess it’s just gonna boost his ego

Yes, if he's acting hot and cold, get turned off.

If you have to figure out whether he likes you or not, unfortunately, you're pushing water up hill :-(

We've all been there.

Just give up on him. If he contacts you again, tell him you got turned off by his lack of communication.

Don't be all cool girl BIG smile pretending you haven't noticed he's blowing cold.

Be clear, you've noticed, it's not for you.

I've also learned the hard way never assume you're on the same page. Even if they've spent a year chasing you. You still have to check.

Some men enjoy the chase the most. He now knows you want to spend time with him, plus sex, so his ego has been stroked.

Urrrrgh hate this. I am also single mum, and been chatting to a guy for a while. We have known each other couple years been friends. He admitted to me a couple months back he really like me. I was like uuuurgh okay. Anyway fast forward couple months and we talk like 24/7. Then we arranged to go for dinner and a couple days before he went weird with me. He asked me if I wanted anymore kids I said I don't think so and hadn't thought about it. He freaked out and started being weird so I was like right whatever. Then couple days later he messaged me and the chat was quite weird between us and I straight out said like why did you message Me lol! The next day I was working away and he started to phone my mobile. I answered we spoke and he said he was sorry he freaked out etc bla bla bla. We started to talk again with a warning this was his last chance. Anyway he asked to meet last week for a coffee I was like yeah sure I will meet at 6.30 after work then he's like I need to be home for 7 to help my friend with something. So I said leave it and since then the chat has been a bit dry again but this time I can't be bothered caring. Bit weird 😂😂😂😂😂

Don't. Contact. Him. Again!

You're chasing him - don't do that, don't demean yourself.

Either he's not interested now he's shagged you - in which case he's a twat or
He's enjoying leaving you stewing and wondering what you've done wrong so you'll be really pleased when he finally does call - in which case he's a twat.

Yep, he sounds like a twat!

Men who really like someone and are secure in themselves don't mess women around. Just chalk it up to experience and move on OP.

He’s lost interest. Disappointing but try and move on I guess. Definitely don’t put on a ridiculous show that a pp suggested. Christ.

This stuff is a game to some blokes. And they’re the type to avoid.

Even if he decides he doesn’t want anything more he could be an adult and say so but he’d rather be a twat.

If a man likes you he’ll let you know. Even they shyest men I know have managed to work up the courage.

After our first date I woke up to a message from my DH saying what a great night he had. No games ever.

We all kiss a few frogs - it’s shitty but a learning experience.

The chase is over. He got what he wanted so he's no longer interested

You are worthy of so much better!

Dust your self off, have a dettol bath and give him the digit next time you see him then move on x

Can I just say though that this behaviour of ghosting, just ignoring you, after chatting and being friendly and arranging stuff and having fun, happens before the sex as well these days! I was chatting to someone all last week by text, arranged to meet up, video date first, sat and waited, no reply, no text, even though we'd been getting on like a house on fire. No idea why it all went quiet.

This bad behaviour isn't a new thing, men have been doing it for years, but it seems worse now, like it's just fine to dump someone at any point without even a polite thanks but no thanks text.

It really is him, not you, and of course you shouldn't 'hold out' having sex say for three dates because if he was just in it for the thrill then he'd dump you after three dates.

Very annoying behaviour, all this going quiet and ghosting is getting worse, it's a hard time to be on the dating scene.

Sounds like he’s got what he wanted, I’m afraid.
He was probably expecting a “yes” to his question on whether that’s what you came for.
It doesn’t sound like he’s looking for anything else now. Sorry OP.

Please, do you really want a relationship with a person like that?

When it’s the right person, you won’t have to worry and wonder and chase him down and answer weird questions.

Yuck. He sounds weird and childish. I'd actually delete his no so as not to text him again and if he gets in contact, give him the brush off.

Sadly once they’ve had sex, the thrill of the chase is over, the mystery is gone.
Sex definitely changes a friendship.

Yeah I hate game playing.
I would move on - either he wants to pursue what HE started or not and he is just messing you about.
OR (he asked about other men) to check you don't sleep around (especially on first dates) yet here he is - sex on a first date (hypocritical).
Move on. Count yourself lucky ❤

I agree sounds like he wanted to hear yes to did you come here for sex, sorry but sounds like that’s all he was after

Sounds as though he has withdrawn from the interaction without verbalising it. Tempting to be annoyed at the clumsiness.

There are any number of reasons he has got cold feet, don’t assume it’s personal.

Disappointing, isn’t it.

Looking on the bright side, silence is preferable to crass comments or baggage dumping…

Your all so right in you’re advice
I think he did just enjoy the chase
Well it’s over now
And I’m not pleased with his behaviour
I like him enough to give him the benefit of the doubt IF he comes back around and explains himself and knows I won’t tolerate it

But in all honesty yes he’s a lot of hard work and I could do without it

I’ll update you if there is an update

But no I won’t be initiating conversation again