Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What are your thoughts on this? Involves guests and bringing gifts

56 replies

dingdongmerrilyonFLIER · 28/12/2007 16:32

Just wondered what is "normal"..........
If you were guests over christmas for 4 nights, would you bring gifts apart from christmas gifts, ie wine, chocolates, biscuits or flowers? or at least offer to take your hosts out for lunch or dinner or even just a bloody coffee?

In laws stayed with us and brought absolutely nothing and I actually think that it was really, really rude of them, or am I the rude one?

Anytime we have stayed with family, no matter the time of year we at least bring wine, but usually also flowers or chocolates and usuallu offer to the hosts out for dinner or lunch.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 28/12/2007 16:35

we went to the inlaws for a few days before xmas and they came here for xmas and boxing day. Neither we nor they brought gifts (apart from xmas presents), and wouldn't at other times either.
I would probably take something for friends or more distant family, but not for inlaws, nor would I expect the inlaws to bring anything.

Iota · 28/12/2007 16:35

I agree with you

Iota · 28/12/2007 16:36

the op that is

ChasingSquirrels · 28/12/2007 16:36

also, if friends stay and we go out for a meal, I would expect them to offer to pay (even if we said no and went halves) and would offer to pay in the same situation. BUT I wouldn't expect inlaws to pay.

Iota · 28/12/2007 16:36

my mother brought a ham and a christmas cake with her when she came to us for a few days

NKF · 28/12/2007 16:37

With friends I would bring gifts of a delicious foodie variety or take them out to lunch. Harder to say with inlaws. Some families don't.

jINGLESbells · 28/12/2007 16:37

We always take food wine gifts and expect visitors to...after all it costs a bloody fortune!

Original poster
dingdongmerrilyonFLIER · 28/12/2007 16:37

ok, thanks, am interested in everyone's viewpoints.

OP posts:
PrismManchip · 28/12/2007 16:42

We have just stayed with my in-laws.
We brought wine, sherry, things we'd baked, panna cotta, christmas pudding (home-made), cheese and presents. We also helped with the cooking and cleaning up.

OTOH my parents might not expect all that and my dad if he came at all would not bring anything. It's a different mindset.

cat64 · 28/12/2007 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Myrrhcy · 28/12/2007 16:53

I wouldn't expect anything.

Just a hand with preparing meals or playing with the children etc is enough for me. But then again I rarely see my inlaws as they live abroad.

LoveAngelGabriel · 28/12/2007 17:01

You can't expect guests to 'repay' you, really, sorry. When we have been guests in other people's homes, yes, we have brought flowers/wine/chocolates etc, but when it is the other way around, I just wouldn't 'expect' it. If people do make some kind of gesture of thanks, that's great.

evenhope · 28/12/2007 17:02

We went to my mum for Xmas. We took a bottle of Merlot, a Christmas pudding, cream, loads of veg and other bits and pieces, as well as her Christmas presents.

My brother once brought 2 friends (complete strangers to us) to my mums for Xmas dinner. They brought nothing. No flowers, no wine, no chocolate. Not even presents for the 5 children in the house. They made no effort at conversation and at the end of the meal got up leaving their plates on the table and left us to do the washing up

I think it is very rude to arrive empty handed, family or not.

scrummymummy1965 · 28/12/2007 17:04

If I went to stay with family for that length of time, yes I would take gifts or say well look why don't we go out for lunch and we pay.

My parents only stayed from Mon afternoon till Wed morn and they brought wine, tin of biscuits and gave me £20 towards the cost of the meat etc. My Mum and Dad are pensioners so anything was greatly received. My brother brought a couple of bottles of wine.

roisin · 28/12/2007 17:05

We don't "expect" anything. After all those travelling have incurred considerable expense in getting there. Also the 'hosting' of such events tends to move around anyway over the years.

Having said that, we would usually bring something. For instance this year had one night with inlaws and brought 6 bottles with us.

KIMIfullofhopefor2008 · 28/12/2007 17:10

Personally I always take something, and we had my mum and my sister here for Christmas and they came with gifts of wine and puddings (and for some strange reason a prawn ring).

Hulababy · 28/12/2007 17:11

Whenever we go and stay with friends/family for a weekend or more we would always take wine/beer or simila. We don't take other gifts though as the visits are always reciprocated - so it would start getting a but silly.

KIMIfullofhopefor2008 · 28/12/2007 17:11

y NKF on Fri 28-Dec-07 16:37:14
With friends I would bring gifts of a delicious foodie variety or take them out to lunch.

NKF do you want to be my friend?

Monkeybird · 28/12/2007 17:15

depends: if they're being waited on, sitting on the sofa, getting food cooked, having fresh towels laid on bed every day etc (not bloody likely in my house!), then yes, I'd expect at least token thankyou gift/card etc...

but if they're pitching in, doing ironing, cooking, helping out with kids, buying dinner etc, as many ILs are wont to do, then no, I wouldn't expect anything...

bossybritches · 28/12/2007 17:20

Our family has got it about right I think. Whoever is host gets the turkey & fresh stuff for the 2/3 days we're together. The visitors share out the buying of the "extras" cake/nice nibbles/booze etc & soft drinks for the kids/elders.

Usually works out about the same price wise. I usually get my mum some nice flowers as well but usually after.

I would never go to someone elses's house empty handed but I would check with them first as to what would be helpful & if they say nothing I'll get a nice bottle of wine or something similar.

Depends on how well you know them really.

warthog · 28/12/2007 17:22

i wouldn't not take something. not for that length of time.

yanbu

Original poster
dingdongmerrilyonFLIER · 28/12/2007 18:29

thanks everyone.

OP posts:
monkeymagic · 29/12/2007 09:55

I have a lot of guests to stay, and I do think a guest should always contribute something, though it might not neccessarily be a gift.

The people who are fun to have around, play with the kids, offer to wash up or even babysit, I feel like they've contributed plenty. It's the ones who feel like they're a drain on your lifeforce that you tend to notice this sort of stuff.

Tortington · 29/12/2007 09:58

only read the op:
i do not expect family to bring anything - becuase they are family.

of course a nice gesture that says " i thought specifically of you" is always welcome from anyoe at any time to do with abslutley anything , but there would not be an expectaton from me for a gift becuase it is family

stockingfiller · 29/12/2007 10:00

we often eat at il's (every 3weeks ish) and we always take wine and flowers, sil takes nothing mil expects dp and sil help load dishwasher i always get told to sit still im a guest lol (thats after 5yrs)