How much is too much for a 4 year old?

[Lemonata]

Hey 👋

So now that it looks like things might FINALLY start getting back to normal, I can’t wait to catch up on everything that we’ve missed over the last two years. I think I’m probably planning too much in one go, but I feel like this will be the last summer that my baby will be in that cute, excited, wonder filled preschool age and I want to make the most of it!

I’m planning on a few overnight stays in seaside tourist towns, lots of days out to farms, zoos, waterparks etc, and then a week long stay in London/legoland at the beginning of June and a week at a caravan park at the beginning of July.

Is this too much for a 4 year old? He’s gotten quite inactive and lazy over the last year (I was very ill from covid for most of it, as in almost completely bedbound/couchbound so we haven’t been out anywhere near as much as we usually would and he’s had WAY too much tv time) and he often moans to go back home after a few hours of being out. I don’t know anyone with kids his age so I’ve no idea if he’s gotten soft and I need to push him back into being active and spending more time out and about, or whether I’m expecting way too much from a child his age and should just stick with the park and softplay. I’m torn 50/50!
(Note - we still use a trike for him, so he can always sit in there if his legs get tired while out)

YABU - That’s too much for any 4 year old to handle

YANBU - Most 4 year olds could manage this, it would be good for him to get active again

You cant predict if it'll be too much for him on any given day.
Just go as planned and take it as it comes.

Sounds like a fun spring/summer !

I'm not voting because while it'll be great for him to get out and about more, it might also be too much for him. You also might have to really encourage time away from the TV. A few parents in my family are struggling to motivate their younger kids to get up and out doing stuff after so much time at home. Good luck and take his lead on what he can cope with.

I think you're expecting too much. His formative years have been far away bad, home safe.
Taking him to things he won't enjoy but you think you he should will just make everyone miserable. 4 year olds don't fake happy/gratitude on demand.
Take him places he wants to go. Ask him. He's 4 he'll have ideas of what he'll like - ask if he wants to go to x and see (name thing you'll think he'll like/show cool video).
If you think he has too much screen time then take the screens away and replace them with toys. Spend more time outside at the park with him, go on adventures near home. Be guided by him.

Also some people don't like travelling or like their own beds. Thats ok. Going up gradually when you haven't been away for ages is fine. Go slow. If he doesn't like being away from home respect that and go away less often.

If the four year old isn't keen can I come?

(I think a week in June and another week in July is ok. Are the shorter over nighters flexible? Is he going to nursery? If yes, I wouldn't overload him by being away from fine every weekend unless he really takes to it.)

I think it depends on what you plan to do on these days/weekends/weeks away. You could manage it so it's fine or you could push him too far, I think you'll need to judge it at the time. Be sensitive to what he needs and don't get caught up in your own excitement about the seaside/zoo/Legoland etc. If he's flagging, call it a day even if you haven't seen the lions/been on the big rollercoaster etc.

Also, the idea that he's aging out of being cute and excited at 4 is absolutely tragic. He'll be turning five, not thirteen. You've got years of fun left. You don't need to cram everything in this summer.

Sounds great! Do it, he'll absolutely love it all. It's getting them used to being out and about again, mine has become a bit of a homebody which he really wasn't before. My LO is the same age and loves going away especially when we stay over in hotels. He loves going downstairs for the breakfast buffet, even though he never eats much, I think he just likes seeing the spread.

I'm trying to plan a few things too, need inspiration. I recently took him to the Natural history museum and he absolutely loved seeing the dinosaur exhibition, we then went for dinner and took 2 trains and a bus back to the hotel at 8pm. LO was knackered but slept like a log when we got back.

I think he'll be fine, good luck

The way you've written does sound a bit exhausting...

Be selective. You don't have to visit every tourist attraction in the country. They won't disappear.

First of all you have many years to do all of this. As a parent of pre-teens I can tell you that four is actually the beginning of when it starts being fun to take your kids to these kinds of places, not the end. At four he may not even remember most of it. We have always traveled a lot with our kids but that’s because we love to travel so we make sure to go to places that we will all enjoy. Sometimes it’s wonderful and sometimes there are tantrums and meltdowns and we end up spending the afternoon at a crappy playground in an exotic city or back at the hotel for an impromptu nap. We are ok with that because we keep our expectations low. But it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on this summer ans it may really disappoint you if your son doesn’t have the time of his life.

Lots of kids enjoy being home, being out is more tiring and overwhelming for them. Maybe don't plan too much, go the first-time and see how it goes.

All kids are different anyway, plus covid has really affected us.

I know you want the best for him but you sound a bit over-the-top, he has his whole life to go to the seaside! Sadly none of us can get back the covid years.

Same as everyone else, you’ve got years ahead of this!
What do you mean he’s in a trike? Is that a push along one? If so I personally think he’s too young for that. Could he not be walking or using a scooter?

I found reading about all that activity exhausting

My child was 'wonder-filled and excitable' way passed age 4 😳

I think it’s fine.

You can hire a pram/ cart thing at lego land if it’s too tiring.

But he will still be interested in all these things at least another 6+ years.

Suggest maybe shortening London trip to 3-4 days, and skipping Lego land until he’s a bit bigger. There height restrictions so likely he will only be able to go on certain small rides anyway now. When he’s 6 years would be better

I think it’s far too much for your ds right now. I’ve said YABU even though I think a lot of 4 yos could handle that. My dd would have been fine. But she was never a home bird, constantly asking to do things and see others. She’s a teen now but still the same so tends to hang out with friends, who are similar. My friend’s ds would have been ok and probably reacted like your ds. He didn’t take well to change. Little kids like predictability and familiarity, some more than others and by the sound of it your ds definitely does. That’s why they like to go to the same holiday destination or play place over and over again.

As has been suggested, you should get your ds involved in the planning and show him videos in advance so that he knows what you’ll be doing on your holiday. He doesn’t want to do spontaneous things by the sound of it. Do not underestimate the impact your illness will have had on his mental health.

Is he at school btw? That will have had an impact on him, a lot of change plus all the covid rules. And if he is going in September, he is going to need preparing for the transition.

I think this sounds lovely! What a lucky boy. I’m sure he’ll have a blast.

My 5yo is exactly the same. Yesterday we went to the park and according to him that’s a ‘long day’. We had a fight leaving the house this morning (very early to be fair as the baby had a dr’s appointment at 8:40) because he doesn’t want another ‘long day’ and apparently this has sapped his energy so much that we should let him drink Coca Cola.

Agree with PP that if he has been having too much screentime you need to nip that in the bud real quick. Also avoid tablets and telephones. From bitter experience they need to be tightly controlled (best avoided).

I think being away at a home-from-home is better than lots of busy outings. That way if he's tired or it's too much, you can still have a quiet time. I'd go for a rental cottage etc instead of Legoland or other busy stuff.

Sounds great, wouldn’t be too much for my
4 year old but then we’ve not had a lazy year and he does that stuff most weekends.

Have fun and enjoy

Lots of kids that age struggle with very long days out, regardless of Covid! As a pp said age 4 is the beginning of when they start getting something out of these things, not the end!

Trips are fun but plan in time to just play in an unstructured way or just be outside near home where you dont have to be on the go all day - local walks, parks, bike rides.

At 4 it's a bit odd to be in a parent push along trike (unless he's got some additional needs you havent mentioned?) Most kids are riding bikes and scooters well by that age.

Those things would be too much if squeezed into a few weeks. Over the course of a whole year, of course its fine.

I would say, if he gets upset and wants to go home. It might be frustrating if you've paid doe a day out and it is cut short but forcing him to carry on when he has had enough isn't fun either.

Can you start with things that are small or only an hour or so, e.g. soft play, small farm, new play park and work up to big days out like legoland or the zoo.

It sounds to me.
Plus children enjoy the familiar. So he might prefer to go weekly to the same farm than visit 8 different ones.

There's no enjoyment in being sat for hours in a car either.

^ It sounds too much to me.

I have a 3 year old who loves doing everything. We do find to avoid all of us getting tired that we need to break up the BIG days out with a day or two in between. So big legoland day, then the day before and after just play at home (or AirBnB / caravan) with a playground trip or trip to the beach; but if he had just a morning visiting the farm then he's fine with a big trip to London the next day. He never needs more than one day between big activities. It does become a holiday expectation though, so hopefully you're prepared to do the same again next year.

My 5yo is very high energy and loves a day out but she needs some downtime. There’s nothing wrong with your list per se but it depends on whether you’re cramming it full (eg full weekend of nursery plus weekends away).

My nearly 3 year old can’t really cope with full on days out at the moment. Your son will be right between mine age wise and like other posters I’d say don’t rush to do everything during pre-school. My 5yo is now excellent company and enjoys things more and more the older she gets.

If you’re worried about activity, is he in nursery, doing clubs etc? I found sports clubs some of the best school preparation as they have to get used to listening and concentrating on learning a new skill.

It would be too much for my son when he was 4, but perfect now when he is 7. You're the only one who knows how your child will cope.

In every case, it sounds wonderful, and have fun.

My DD is 3.5y and has done a lot of those things over the past couple of years, but she does need a nap break of 1-1.5 hrs still (we use a Baby Jogger buggy and a snoozeshade). We tend to do a busy day out most Saturdays (we live in London so do all the touristy stuff), and we spent most days out in parks throughout lockdown, so she never got into days of screentime at home. If your DS hasn't been used to it then he might get tired out at first.