How much is too much for a 4 year old?

[Lemonata]

Hey 👋

So now that it looks like things might FINALLY start getting back to normal, I can’t wait to catch up on everything that we’ve missed over the last two years. I think I’m probably planning too much in one go, but I feel like this will be the last summer that my baby will be in that cute, excited, wonder filled preschool age and I want to make the most of it!

I’m planning on a few overnight stays in seaside tourist towns, lots of days out to farms, zoos, waterparks etc, and then a week long stay in London/legoland at the beginning of June and a week at a caravan park at the beginning of July.

Is this too much for a 4 year old? He’s gotten quite inactive and lazy over the last year (I was very ill from covid for most of it, as in almost completely bedbound/couchbound so we haven’t been out anywhere near as much as we usually would and he’s had WAY too much tv time) and he often moans to go back home after a few hours of being out. I don’t know anyone with kids his age so I’ve no idea if he’s gotten soft and I need to push him back into being active and spending more time out and about, or whether I’m expecting way too much from a child his age and should just stick with the park and softplay. I’m torn 50/50!
(Note - we still use a trike for him, so he can always sit in there if his legs get tired while out)

YABU - That’s too much for any 4 year old to handle

YANBU - Most 4 year olds could manage this, it would be good for him to get active again

Sounds great, i'm a little jealous actually, lucky kid!

I might cut out some of the overnight stays as that is quite a lot of hassle even without a child to think about! But otherwise I think it’s great to do loads of different things, though as a PP said kids don’t seem to mind doing the same thing over and over.

What was your partner doing with you son whilst you were ill. Perhaps they should have been doing a bit more. Also be a bit careful you don’t overstretch yourself as you might be vulnerable to long covid biting back

It all sounds a bit from nothing to everything. Is there somewhere in the middle where you just do some outings in a normal kind of way and if it goes well you do more?

My Ds is a homeboy too, likes the downtime and the play, but would also enjoy activities.

I'd focus on removing the TV first as that sounds most important and impactful to me.

It does sound like itz going from 5mph to 100mph. Not just for him, also for you! If you've been really poorly and had a prolonged recovery will you be up to doing so much?!

My 4 year old GC, would love that, her older sibling would have as well. But I know children who wouldn't. It can be as much personality as energy levels. If you are happy to spend the money on Legoland but not get much out, then book it. They get more out of some days out, especially theme parks at around 6. My GC turns 5 this year, I'm saving smaller theme parks eg Gulliver's world until then. She'd love the water parks for half a day, though. It's not popular on here, but it's why Blackpool is popular.

Don’t overschedule and go with the flow a bit - so if you have to book tickets keep it to one booked thing a day but take him to other free stuff depending on how the day goes.
Otherwise s seems fun!

It's too much.

DS is 4 (turning 5 soon). Last year I wanted to "make up for lost time" a bit, as we'd done so little in 2020 due to covid, my pregnancy and DD's birth in September. In spring/summer 2021, I was on maternity leave and wanted to make the most of the time before DS started school and I went back to work in September. We did quite a few things; some long weekends away with family, a week's self-catering holiday with some days out, a trip to see family and friends in France. We tried to pace ourselves quite a bit and not overdo things but it was still a lot (felt like 0 to 100 as a PP describes). DS was really, really hard work. For our week's holiday in particular, I did find myself wondering why the hell i bothered, all that money and effort and it was a relief to get home tbh.

Now your DS might be different but I have a feeling not because you said this: "he often moans to go back home after a few hours of being out".

So my advice is not to overdo it, try and spread things out, pace yourselves, allow quiet weekends in between the busy ones, down days in between the days out.

Also check the minimum height for the rides at Legoland. I'm taking DS in April (Easter holidays) when he'll be 5 and wearing age 5-6 clothes, he's 114cm tall atm. Tbh I think it would have been too soon last summer.

lazy?? soft??? your child is 4 years old. You sound like you're disappointed by them.
Relax and have some fun together. You don't need to plan a year's worth of activities to force them through.

I have a just turned 4 year old DD and I find that she gets tired when out and wants to go home like your boy does. But I also understand the desire to use this time before being tied to school holidays. She goes to nursery preschool 3 long days and often spends the 2 days off having downtime at home (I also have baby twins so it’s more difficult to take them all out on my own to soft play etc). We go out at the weekend though when DH isn’t working.

Before Christmas, DH took every other Friday off and we had some nice days out if the weather was good, or a trip to soft play if it wasn’t. We had a few days around Blackpool to see the illuminations and visit the Sea Life centre- but DD was underwhelmed by the lights and rushed round the aquarium so fast that it felt like a waste of £45 for 3 of us to go. Her favourite part of the trip was playing on the 2p machines and choosing a pen in the gift exchange- cost £1. A friend of mine took her 5yo to the panto, cost £120 and he hated it. I think at this young age they don’t always value expensive experiences and it can cause annoyance in parents who feel like they’re wasting money, and have high expectations of children’s joy.

DD likes going on holiday but we only go for 3 nights as it’s a lot of time & work to be away with the babies. We do self catering and that works fine for us.

I think it’s a good idea to get some short breaks in/days out before you have to pay term time prices but as others say, they’re still young to really make the most of experiences.

Thanks everyone for all the different opinions and experiences😊 I think I’ll cancel the legoland/London trip for this year but keep the rest. I don’t mind leaving places early if he’s tired - It feels a bit like a waste of money but the whole point of the trip is for him to be having fun!

Just to answer a few things that people have mentioned:

We’ll be home educating him, so no public school next year and I follow a very child-led approach in everything. Not being restricted to school holidays is a huge bonus!😄

I do show him videos of places and ask if he’d like to go. He does want to go and gets really excited for it, he just gets tired out very quickly once there. That’s the main reason I’m booking a few days away at a time, so that we’ve got a hotel to rest at and he’s not travelling there and back AND doing stuff all in the same day.

My partner’s a bit useless when it comes to ‘doing stuff’. His mum never took him anywhere as a kid and had him sat in the house watching tv all day every day, so now he just goes to work and comes home and sulks if I ‘make’ him leave for any other reason. He doesn’t find enjoyment in anything other than watching tv, which plays a huge part in my anxiety of not wanting DS to end up the same way. I did have a complete ban on screen time before 7pm (bedtime) for the first 3 years of DS being here, but I was too ill to keep fighting against partner after falling ill.

Thanks for all the reassurances that he’ll still enjoy things just as much once he’s older. I suppose it’s just watching all that missed fun slipping away thanks to covid! He’ll also be my only child, which makes everything feel all the more precious💔

If he likes shorter trips...season tickets! Or attractions where you get free returns for the year.

We have Zoo season tickets this year and it takes so much pressure off enjoying the day. We sometimes only go for an hour or so (its 10minutes walk for an adult, or 5 mins drive or bike)

How can anyone answer this without knowing the 4yo?

One activity a weekend if its a drive? Two if things are close?

I wouldn't pre-book too many things and just go with the flow.

You might find Airbnb type accommodation better than hotels as you aren't tied to meal times, can easily prepare an early meal for you DS and eat later yourself, and have a day lazing around more comfortably than in a hotel room.

Traveling is really tiring (and often boring) for little ones.

You might find he gets as much enjoyment from a local bus or train ride if he hasn't been out and about much. Things like trips to a local garden centre - especially if it has a pet area and/or aquariums with lunch can be great fun.

Maybe it would be easier to build up his physical stamina a bit first. E.g. make trips to the park, soft play, swimming a regular weekend thing before you plan too many big trips. Then go for day trips out to a farm/ museum/ etc then home for dinner. My daughter is nearly 5 and pretty active but if I took her to Legoland I'd go knowing there was a 50% chance of it just being too much. She's definitely still in the wide eyed wonder stage, on holiday in Northern Ireland she told me a chilly day at the beach followed by a a biscuit and hot chocolate had been the best day of her life.

Legoland is brilliant for a 4 year old. I take my niece who is 4 all the time as we live by it. There are only a couple of rides she can't go on.

Start building up his stamina now and he'll be fine.
You don't need to pack every activity under the sun into one Summer: he's 4, not 14, so isn't about to lose the wonder of new experiences.
Unless he has additional needs, he's too old for a trike.

It depends on your child doesn’t it and how they feel on the day. My 4 year old can wake up grumpy and not want to anywhere, or be full of beans ready for an adventure. I completely get how you feel though, mine is also an only and I feel so robbed of the pre school years. I know in the scheme of things it might not be important but I’m trying to make the most of our time before September and hoping for a lovely summer.

What is your rationale for homeschooling if you don't mind me asking? You have suggested he has basically watched TV for a year which seems to jar with a "usual" home educating family, who would normally be very invested in delivering an early years curriculum to a pre schooler - lots of activities in the home and planned outings (not big trips but thoughtful trips). I understand that you have been unwell but that would be where I'd start if I was planning to home ed, to build a really solid foundation for schooling.

Who is going to be teaching him?

@whyohwhyohwhyohwhywhy

What is your rationale for homeschooling if you don't mind me asking? You have suggested he has basically watched TV for a year which seems to jar with a "usual" home educating family, who would normally be very invested in delivering an early years curriculum to a pre schooler - lots of activities in the home and planned outings (not big trips but thoughtful trips). I understand that you have been unwell but that would be where I'd start if I was planning to home ed, to build a really solid foundation for schooling.

Who is going to be teaching him?

I’ll be home educating him, not home schooling him - the term ‘homeschooling’ actually means recreating the school atmosphere and curriculum at home which is something I’d rather avoid :)

My Son had the oxford reading age of a 7 year old by the time he turned two. He could also write a few words pretty well, count to 100 and he’s now excellent at adding, subtracting, writing and spelling so I’m not concerned at all about his academic ability. Tbh I think he’s an absolute genius, though don’t we all think that of our little ones😂

It’s a tragedy that I’ve been so ill this last year, but up until then we spent almost every day out in the woods, swimming, at the park, going to museums, farms, the beach, splashing in puddles, river walking, crafting and socialising.

I’ve still been doing lots of drawing, messy play, reading, singing,puzzles, play pretend etc with him in the house and we have a large back garden that he plays in whilst I sit and chat to him. I’ve just needed to take frequent rests, so we were doing an hour spent with me then an hour off to do his own thing (tv or play alone with toys), then another hour with me etc most days. He also attends forest school 2 days a week while I get some Uni work done on my laptop, and his Dad does occasionally take him to the local park if I nag him enough.

I’m very lucky in that I seem to have finally recovered from long covid now. We’ve started back at gymnastics and meeting up with other home ed families with children the same age as him, and they all seem to have the same stance as I do on home education.

I’ll be teaching him. I’ll call in some private tutors if I get a little rusty and forget the finer details of core subjects by the time he’s about 14, of course😂

Sorry if I’ve rambled, I get very passionate and carried away when it comes to home ed haha. What was your reason for asking?

This wasn't the question you asked, but your partner sounds shit.

Sounds like what we did in Summer 2021 with 4yr old DD! It's not too much but just be prepared for some days to be more relaxed than others. We are in London and got annual passes for zoo and a theme park - we took full advantage by going lots of times but some days were very relaxed and just saw a few things, had a nice picnic whereas others on the go and cramming it all in.
Be guided by them and you'll love it!

I think just see how it goes? I think lots of 4 year olds would enjoy lots of this, but would also enjoy lots of slower, simpler time. In fact, I think you should be making the most of the fact that they still enjoy very simple activities and don't particularly want to be doing stuff. A 6-9 year old would enjoy the sort of summer you are talking about more and I think you are wrong to think this is some sort of "last chance".

On the other hand, I took a 5 year old (and 6 year old) for a 2 week holiday travelling independently around Japan and that was fun, so I definitely don't think what you are is necessarily "too much" per se. Do what works for you. Just don't feel like you have to do this because time is running out!