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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to spend the weekend with my partner before we get married?

34 replies

Earlyflash · 22/01/2022 16:11

We are getting married in Feb, and my partner arranged a day out for themselves in the Sunday the weekend before (we are getting married midweek)

In my head I was rather hoping that we’d spend that weekend together doing, I dunno, together things..

My partner did agree, but made a comment about that meaning that I was ‘needy’, which I’ll admit has been a problem recently from my side…

Talking to a friend today; they mentioned that they agreed I was being needy.

So; with good grace, and no bad feeling at all; I ask the internet:

AIBU wanting to spend the weekend before our marriage together?

(And on the chance that my partner reads this; I love you; and whatever the poll says we will go with!)

OP posts:
SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 22/01/2022 16:13

More context needed I’m afraid. How much time do you spend together and apart? Do you do quality-time stuff together? You hint there’s a track record of you being ‘needy’ - but it’s very hard to tell whether this is just you wanting some basic human connection with your partner or what. Can you elaborate?

clarrylove · 22/01/2022 16:13

Use the time for a hen do maybe?

Confrontayshunme · 22/01/2022 16:14

You'll get every weekend after that, so I wouldn't worry. I am not sure most men appreciate the stress of planning and executing a wedding. That said, I spent the weekend before my wedding alone because my DH's flights were delayed, and looking back, having that last bit of time on my own was really special too.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/01/2022 16:14

Is there something specific you want to do, or do you just think you should be together?

Locomelon · 22/01/2022 16:14

I don't see what's particularly special about the weekend before the wedding? Wouldn't be something I'd get my knickers in a twist about.

Merryoldgoat · 22/01/2022 16:15

I’m what way is you being ‘needy’ a problem?

I’m isolation I could go either way in this but I think more context is needed.

girlmom21 · 22/01/2022 16:15

YABU. There's not even something specific you want to do, you're just trying to decide what they do.

It's not a good start to a marriage to be honest. You need to be able to face time apart and respect each other's need for independence.

Carolcole · 22/01/2022 16:16

Why has 'neediness' been a problem recently from your side? That's really the question you need to be asking.

givemepiece · 22/01/2022 16:16

Errrm not sure 'whatever the poll says we will go with' is an option Grin
They have already arranged something!

Also, you say you had in your head that you guys would spend the weekend together but it has to actually make it out your head, through your mouth and into their ears!

What has he planned for the Sunday? Is it a get together with his friends (stag do?). I'd let him get on with it tbf !

AlDanvers · 22/01/2022 16:19

Why is that weekend so important to you?
And did you tell them this?

It seems you wanted to do it, but never told them.

They have made plans now. You will spend plenty of weekends together. It's just a Sunday.

Santahasjoinedww · 22/01/2022 16:21

Not sure a man who refers to you as being needy is great dh material tbh.
Will he say that post wedding of you want to spend time with him?.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/01/2022 16:24

Your partner referred to you as needy, and this is fine in both your eyes? I find that very strange tbh.

girlmom21 · 22/01/2022 16:26

@Santahasjoinedww

Not sure a man who refers to you as being needy is great dh material tbh. Will he say that post wedding of you want to spend time with him?.
Not that it makes much difference but the OP's post is intentionally very gender neutral
Beebopbopbopbopbop · 22/01/2022 16:30

Obviously this will depend on the scale of your wedding. But the weekend before mine I’m pretty sure was stacked with doing last minute things for it (buying bridesmaid gifts, bits for the day etc) so I might be a bit pissed off if he ducked out of that stuff.

Also I don’t really like the calling you needy.

girlmom21 · 22/01/2022 16:30

Errrm not sure 'whatever the poll says we will go with' is an option
They have already arranged something!

"You've got to cancel your weekend plans because Mumsnet said so" is a sure fire way to ensure it's not the weekend before your wedding after all Grin

Hugasauras · 22/01/2022 16:33

Idk, I think that you've got the rest of your life to be together, and I don't really see the significance of the weekend before anyway. Presumably you're already living together and living as a married couple do, most people do before getting married nowadays, so it's not like much will materially change in the sense of how you will live that you might need to say 'farewell' to.

It sounds like your partner has already made plans and you hadn't made any or have any good suggestions for why it should be spent together, so I think YABU.

Hugasauras · 22/01/2022 16:34

Also it's one day, so you are still together on the Saturday?

wallysally · 22/01/2022 16:35

Have you nothing else and no one else that you could do something with @Earlyflash I would take the opportunity to get stuff sorted for the wedding.

Original poster
Earlyflash · 22/01/2022 16:35

To answer some questions:

Nothing is 100% arranged, it was just an idea floated, so there is nothing to cancel that I’m aware of.

It’s a small wedding ceremony so there shouldn’t be too much to do.

I hadn’t really thought what to do that weekend as yet; but we’ve talked a out a nice long walk; and a lunch at a special place we go to. Of course this could just as easily be on the Saturday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Earlyflash · 22/01/2022 16:38

I do want to reiterate that there is no bad feeling here; I’m just gently polling what the great internet thinks; it’s not a huge deal for either of us I don’t think!

OP posts:
Original poster
Earlyflash · 22/01/2022 16:38

I was wondering how long it would take for a LTB answer though :). LOL!

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 22/01/2022 16:40

Your partner thinks you're needy
Your friend thinks you're being needy
You admit to being needy

I'd say all in all that should give you your answer rather than the internet.

BennysBingoBonanza · 22/01/2022 16:40

Do something together on the Saturday and see your friends on the Sunday or do something relaxing on your own. I don’t think you’re needy though- just that it would have been better to tell them upfront if it meant a lot to you to spend the day together.

Don’t do what a Mumsnet poll tells you to do though- work it out with your partner! What do any of us know about your relationship?

MsSquiz · 22/01/2022 16:42

If you're getting married midweek and your partner only wants to do something on the Sunday, but has Saturday free, I really don't see the issue.
Spend Saturday together, let your partner do what they want on Sunday and you do your own thing. It does seem a bit needy to me, it's only 1 day

Ohpulltheotherone · 22/01/2022 16:46

You’re going to spend the rest of your lives together (hopefully) and there are TWO days in a weekend. So the obvious thing to do would be spend the Saturday together and do your own thing on the Sunday.

Unless there is a big back story of him being flaky and not putting you first / doesn’t spend time with you etc then sorry but you’re being a little unreasonable. You hadn’t even agreed anything to do, a nice walk and a lunch…. ? Presumably you can do this any day you like.

I would find it a little smoothering if my DF had an issue with me doing something with my friends / family ONE of the weekend days….