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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice on accessing SD belongings

34 replies

Name99 · 22/01/2022 16:10

I'm going to be vague to protect identity.
My SD has been locked out and told to leave her mums house
She has blocked SD and my OH on everything.
Her belongings are in the house, school books, clothes etc they have no way of contacting her
There is a history of this happening.
I gave spoken with NSPCC and they have said contact police, police are saying its a civil matter.
Is this correct surely my OH and SD should be able to arrange a time with police present to collect items as with domestic abuse cases.
Thanks

OP posts:
RogerDodger · 22/01/2022 16:16

I would have thought the police would assist with her collecting her belongings. I would call them again, perhaps get a different phone call handler and maybe a different response.

3scape · 22/01/2022 16:21

Is domestic abuse involved (i mean other than preventing access and presumably neglecting a child by locking them out).

girlmom21 · 22/01/2022 16:22

I don't think there's much you can do. Are there essentials that she needs that can't be replaced? How old is she?

Original poster
Name99 · 22/01/2022 16:23

Ongoing emotional abuse, she is 17 so A level course work is amongst the items, that can't be replaced

OP posts:
Santahasjoinedww · 22/01/2022 16:25

Ime a pcso will escort you to collect her things.

BritWifeInUSA · 22/01/2022 16:27

Won’t she need to go to court and get a court order that says the person has to either return her belongings to her or allow her access to the house to get them? I mean, that’s how it would work here in the US but it may be different in the UK.

I can see why the police won’t get involved. If it’s her mother’s house and she doesn’t want your boyfriend and his daughter there she has every right to stop them coming in (unless your boyfriend is on the tenancy or deeds).

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/01/2022 16:27

Phone police again and arrange to meet them there to pick her stuff up

Original poster
Name99 · 22/01/2022 16:39

The call handler said that incases of marital relationship they won't attend and allow access for 10 mins to retrieve essential items and they definitely don't do it in parental relationships

OP posts:
Original poster
Name99 · 22/01/2022 16:40

The items have been bought by the 17yr old with her own money and the schoolwork is essential

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 22/01/2022 16:53

@Name99

The call handler said that incases of marital relationship they won't attend and allow access for 10 mins to retrieve essential items and they definitely don't do it in parental relationships
Can you call your local station rather than a generic number?
Original poster
Name99 · 22/01/2022 17:06

No local stations are a thing of the past

SD has reached out to her gran who has called her and been told to get lost and stay out of it.
No other family members have anything to do with her because of her behaviours

OP posts:
Horst · 22/01/2022 17:10

Can she not file a police report for theft of goods?

I say theft on the basis of its theft to keep something with the intention to deprive the owner of it. Thus this is theft.

jdjdjdjd · 22/01/2022 17:46

Our family went through something similar many years ago, my half sister's mum threw her out for wanting to keep contact with our dad. The police agreed to escort her round to collect her school books as they belonged to the school not her or her mother.

Clothes etc / anything that technically belonged to her they weren't interested in as it was civil but the school belongings they would help with.

Maybe try again and go down the school book route? It's a horrible situation to be in and I wish you all the best of luck

Original poster
Name99 · 22/01/2022 17:50

@jdjdjdjd

Our family went through something similar many years ago, my half sister's mum threw her out for wanting to keep contact with our dad. The police agreed to escort her round to collect her school books as they belonged to the school not her or her mother.

Clothes etc / anything that technically belonged to her they weren't interested in as it was civil but the school belongings they would help with.

Maybe try again and go down the school book route? It's a horrible situation to be in and I wish you all the best of luck

Thank you. We will try push on the school items then
OP posts:
cansu · 22/01/2022 17:50

Surely it would be better to leave it at least a day. Maybe when tempers have cooled it will be easier to retrieve the things or both parties may have had a change of heart. Whatever, I think you should refrain from getting involved.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 22/01/2022 17:54

Could school maybe help on Monday? As it is school work that is the main issue? I’d maybe contact them if you have no luck with the police.

Original poster
Name99 · 22/01/2022 17:56

@cansu

Surely it would be better to leave it at least a day. Maybe when tempers have cooled it will be easier to retrieve the things or both parties may have had a change of heart. Whatever, I think you should refrain from getting involved.
She was kicked out Thursday, she needs her school things by tomorrow PM for Monday morning
OP posts:
Original poster
Name99 · 22/01/2022 17:57

Oh and I'm not getting involved, I have no wishes to deal with her in anyway, I'm purely seeking advice for my OH

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 22/01/2022 18:00

Can you report it to the police as child neglect - kicking a child out of her home and refusing her access to essentials like school work?

It won’t get things in time for Monday but school should work with her to accommodate, given the situation and it might lead to getting her stuff back in the longer term.

picklemewalnuts · 22/01/2022 18:04

The school May help facilitate with an EWO/request to the police for an escort.

Original poster
Name99 · 22/01/2022 18:05

What's EWO ?

OP posts:
oncemoreunto · 22/01/2022 18:07

Education Welfare Officer

CaffeineAndCrochet · 22/01/2022 18:08

Can you go into the local police station and talk to someone face to face?

erinaceus · 22/01/2022 18:13

I would have thought this is a situation you could discuss with the school, who may well be able to put pressure on the stepmother, particularly if some of the property belongs to the school.

erinaceus · 22/01/2022 18:13

Sorry, mother, not stepmother.