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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding breakfast- choice of meal?

175 replies

tan28 · 22/01/2022 13:41

Hey everyone.
Currently in talks with our catering company.... who are suggesting we give people the option to pick from a few starters/ mains & pudding.
They charge an extra £5 for that.
However every wedding we have attended we just got given one option and we had no issues with that.
My plan is to pick a set menu & a vegan option for our vegetarian/ vegan friends.
AIBU towards our guests? Should we offer them the option to choose what they want to eat? Our caterer wants a reply by tonight and I'm questioning myself now
TIA x

OP posts:
Georgyporky · 22/01/2022 18:07

I'd talk to the caterer. If everyone pre-orders from a limited selection, there shouldn't be any need for £5 per head.

Kite22 · 22/01/2022 18:09

£120pp WITHOUT the drinks ??? Shock

I just think I'd be looking for a different caterer.

However, in terms of your question, I've been to dozens upon dozens of weddings of all kinds and the only time we've had choice is one where it was a chinese food buffet and a couple where the meal itself was a cold buffet.

People expect to eat what they are given at a wedding.

MsSquishy · 22/01/2022 18:10

So interesting to hear of all the weddings with a choice- in England I’ve only ever had a set menu. I know in Australia and New Zealand you normally get a choice though, or at one wedding they alternated two meals for those without dietary requirements so you could swap with the other people on your table, which seemed like a good way to offer a choice without having to get everyone to pre-order, or be ready to cook multiple options on the day

ElenaCouch · 22/01/2022 18:12

@HoldingTheDoor

Personally I've never attended a wedding where there wasn't a choice. I'd prefer to offer my guests options, assuming that it's financially feasible to do so.
Confused
TheGoogleMum · 22/01/2022 18:15

It's nice to gave a choice but not essential. A bit like canapés

Pbbananabagel · 22/01/2022 18:17

Do the set menu - of course the caterer wants you to spend more. We did set menu but then had a dessert table so people could have whatever (and as much) pud as they liked as we have sweet teeth here and it went down a treat!

luckylavender · 22/01/2022 18:19

Set menu. No one expects choice at a wedding

Charpick · 22/01/2022 18:29

I do :) I’m in England and get married this year, all our guests get to pick a dish out of 3 from each course, 1 of each being vegan & GF. It was one of the reasons we picked our venue. We didn’t get charged extra to give people a choice though it was just standard.

BigYellowHat · 22/01/2022 18:30

For ours there was 3 choices per course with 1 vegan friendly for main and starter. The dessert also had three and at least one, maybe two, we’re vegan friendly. We had a FB group for our wedding party and everyone had to let us know their choices by a set date.

BigYellowHat · 22/01/2022 18:31

*were

KatherineJaneway · 22/01/2022 18:32

The best actual choice meals I’ve had have been family-style where each table got a platter of meats, eg lamb chops, chicken skewers, kofte, etc, plus bowls of different salads and side dishes, so everyone could help themselves and get a varied plate.

It's great until someone / some people get greedy and eat more than their share.

Thehop · 22/01/2022 18:33

I’ve never been to a wedding without a choice, I wouldn’t like to have no choice.

Thehop · 22/01/2022 18:34

Jesus I’ve just seen it’s £120 a head that’s sooooo expensive!!!!

NotTheGrinchAgain · 22/01/2022 18:38

I've only ever been given a choice in advance: vegan or meat. Set menu is fine.

If you can, splash out for a free bar and a buffet in the evening - that will be far more popular.

Merryoldgoat · 22/01/2022 18:39

@NotTheGrinchAgain

I've only ever been given a choice in advance: vegan or meat. Set menu is fine.

If you can, splash out for a free bar and a buffet in the evening - that will be far more popular.

That was our theory - we bought so much booze people were actually leaving with cases of wine. We were drinking it for 6 months 🤣
bjonesreborn · 22/01/2022 18:40

We got married last weekend.
Starter was vegetarian anyway
There was a vegetarian option for the main, but people told us dietary requirements when they rsvp’d. No one was vegan so didn’t apply.
Everyone loved their food and noone complained about no choice!!

Merryoldgoat · 22/01/2022 18:41

The best wedding food I ever had was at Soho House and there was loads of choice and sharing platters etc.

It was fantastic.

Hairyfriend · 22/01/2022 18:48

I've attended wedding in many countries The UK is the 1st place I've been where some weddings have no choice at all! What about an alternate drop which is common where I got married.

You choose 2 meals- say chicken and lamb, and the waiters come around the table putting down- chicken, lamb, chicken, lamb etc randomly. Vegans and special diets still get catered for, but it gives people slightly more choice to share/swap with a partner/ + one.

It might be a cheaper option that £5 per person so worth asking about.

Boood · 22/01/2022 18:51

If you give your guests a choice of two dishes, some of them will ask for a third. Save yourself the headache, just pick what you want to eat and give it to everyone.

MyAnacondaMight · 22/01/2022 18:51

The more choice you give, the fussier people become. And offering a choice between a meat and a vegetarian main course doesn’t really lead to a different outcome than a set menu with vegetarians accommodated - nearly all the meat eaters will pick the meat option and the veggies still get the veggie option.

I would just do a set menu (vegetarian starter) and ask guests to rsvp with any dietary restrictions, which you can then pass on to the caterers.

FruitMelange · 22/01/2022 18:54

It’s rubbish having to eat vegan food because you’re vegetarian

Doesn't it just mean there's no cheese or eggs in it? Is that a hardship for a vegetarian? I'm not vegetarian but I cook dinner for vegan friends, and we all eat the same. It's never occurred to me a vegetarian would think it rubbish.

AngelinaFibres · 22/01/2022 18:55

Weddings I have attended where there wasn't a buffet have always been chicken main and a veggie option. If anyone wants vegan, gluten free etc there is a box to tick for that. Also box for chicken or veggie. Have it as part of the tear off RSVP bit. Did also go to a wedding where there was only crown of lamb. It had been shown a flame for about 9 seconds and fresh blood was swimming around the serving plate. Gross. Nobody cares about the food at a wedding. It costs a fortune and is mass produced horribleness just slightly better than a Christmas party dinner.

trollopolis · 22/01/2022 18:56

@FruitMelange

It’s rubbish having to eat vegan food because you’re vegetarian

Doesn't it just mean there's no cheese or eggs in it? Is that a hardship for a vegetarian? I'm not vegetarian but I cook dinner for vegan friends, and we all eat the same. It's never occurred to me a vegetarian would think it rubbish.

Perhaps it should be vegan for everybody then? Just because there's no cheese or eggs or anything else from an animal, it shouldn't be a hardship
FruitMelange · 22/01/2022 19:00

Perhaps it should be vegan for everybody then? Just because there's no cheese or eggs or anything else from an animal, it shouldn't be a hardship

Well that's not at all what I was saying. I was saying that all vegan food lacks for a vegetarian is cheese and eggs. The majority usually eats meat. Is lacking cheese and eggs that bad? For one meal?

trollopolis · 22/01/2022 19:10

@FruitMelange

Perhaps it should be vegan for everybody then? Just because there's no cheese or eggs or anything else from an animal, it shouldn't be a hardship

Well that's not at all what I was saying. I was saying that all vegan food lacks for a vegetarian is cheese and eggs. The majority usually eats meat. Is lacking cheese and eggs that bad? For one meal?

If you're going to offer a group a more restricted choice than their actual diet, then there's no logical reason not to do so for everyone.

As you say, it's only one meal

So everyone should find it not that bad

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