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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about secondary school teacher conduct

79 replies

Andformynexttrick · 21/01/2022 22:33

Late to MN & first post- please be gentle. . . Y10 DD has mentioned a few times previously in passing that her male middle aged teacher is a bit creepy. He has been her drama/music teacher since Y7. Today we spoke at length and I heard myself suggesting that she try to avoid reacting to his comments to avoid drawing him any more. Then realised it’s surely wrong for a child to need to do that to avoid feeling uncomfortable in class/after school club. He doesn’t target her specifically - many of the girls are on the receiving end. Comments on appearance (nice eyeliner today/you’ve got a hole in your tights), or demeanour (‘moody teenager’), or engaging in conversations she feels are none of his business (which is your favourite friend/parent). Also loads of merit marks, come to think of it.
None of this is overt and probably is just his manner . . . but he is apparently widely referred to as ‘p*o Name’ by the students.
More concerning is that he apparently locks the classroom for 1-1 student meetings (happened to her once) requiring child to have to ask to be let out (key code). Feel like I want to go to school with this but not sure (can of worms)???

OP posts:
CrappyXmasMarket · 22/01/2022 11:10

@Andformynexttrick

Indeed it does *@GrazingSheep* -actually I’m probably thinking ahead to how school would deal with it; his word against theirs/my DD having to make a statement or whatever/other students getting involved/repercussions on DD GCSE etc etc. I realise that my main concern should simply be to bring it to their attention.
For concerns about a teacher you can go straight to the head/principal. If they have a PA screening calls you can explain you have a safeguarding concern about a teacher. They will have had safeguarding training and will know to get the head to speak to you - position of trust stuff is always dealt with by the head.
HollowTalk · 22/01/2022 11:11

@twominutesmore

Is he locking the door or does it just fall closed and lock automatically? All of our doors require a key code to open them, and they close automatically as heavy fire doors.

I do think he's unwise to meet any pupil 1:1 behind a closed door and to ask personal questions such as those you give as examples. I think it would be appropriate to mention both in a written complaint.

I don't see anything untoward in his comments. I might tell someone they've got a hole in their tights, comment on a new pair of trainers and so on. Does he make similar comments to the boys?

Surely your doors can be open from the inside though?
Ikeptgoing · 22/01/2022 11:32

@Andformynexttrick

I absolutely agree with Sparticus's post

I hope you have time to write an email today to send to head teacher. Leave it over night, to check the next day, and come to it with clear eyes. Don't apologise , make excuses nor be anything other than factual
Any pupil that feels uncomfortable deserves to be heard

A good teacher will want to know so they can change how they are coming across even if unintended

A bad teacher should be noticed and it addressed

3scape · 22/01/2022 11:57

The door locking is hugely disturbing. I'd go with that as it's so much more than interpretation of conversations (not that those are not significant but it is very hard to express sometimes).

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/01/2022 12:42

The nice eyeliner type comments, I'm sure I might/do make, and in my experience are usually something students don't mind or respond well to (sometimes compliments help to win over surly students). It's a bit much to expect all teachers to be robots and say anything other than teaching content when your entire working life is spent engaging young people's interest.

Completely different for a female teacher to make something like the eyeliner comment though, surely you can see that?

A male teacher complimenting things like that is entirely different and would be far more likely to make pupils feel uncomfortable and for the compliment to be either read or misread as creepy no matter how genuine the teacher is.

Sideorderofchips · 22/01/2022 12:45

Go to the school

My parents didn't believe me and nor did other parents believe my friends when we said our it teacher at school was dodgy as fuck

5 years after we left school he went to prison for child porn.

Chipsahoy · 22/01/2022 12:49

Child porn does not exist. Changing language is very very important here. Watching child abuse or child rape, not porn ffs

LizzieBananas · 22/01/2022 12:54

Straight to the Head on Monday morning. Those would be the rules if another teacher spotted it and you should do no less for your girl.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/01/2022 12:54

@Sideorderofchips

Go to the school

My parents didn't believe me and nor did other parents believe my friends when we said our it teacher at school was dodgy as fuck

5 years after we left school he went to prison for child porn.

Please don't use the phrase child porn. I appreciate you mean no malice at all but it's really important that this phrase is stamped out as it's so minimising of what the reality is - images and video of child sex abuse and rape.
Sideorderofchips · 22/01/2022 13:00

Apologises. I was writing quickly and didn't think.

Child abuse.

Nomorefuckstogive · 22/01/2022 13:11

@Pinkflask

The door locking is enough on its own - it’s against every safeguarding rule there is and definitely worth repeating.
Definitely inappropriate. Report.
RBKB · 22/01/2022 13:13

GO TO THE HEAD. YANBU. Sadly, creepy male teachers exist. Once alerted, the head will have to deal with it. Your poor daughter. Ugh.

Original poster
Andformynexttrick · 22/01/2022 13:18

@youvegottenminuteslynn - exactly my feeling - it is v different. None of her other male teachers do this.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/01/2022 13:20

You say you are worried about opening a can of worms...

If there are worms in the can then it absoloutley needs opening!

NotAnotherPushyMum · 22/01/2022 13:28

I have 1:1 meetings with pupils behind closed doors all the time, but only when there are windows in the room or the door. I’m never where we can’t be seen.

2bazookas · 22/01/2022 13:41

What are you THINKING?

Go to the school. Give examples of what he said to/ happened to /witnessed by your DD.

roundtable · 22/01/2022 13:45

Open that can of worms op. It needs to be opened. Your poor dd. School should be a safe place.

KTheGrey · 22/01/2022 13:50

What @TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross said -exactly this. Teachers are trained to leave doors open to protect against malicious accusations / misinterpretations. It's a remarkably foolish thing to do at best. It's a safeguarding issue which should never have happened one single time, and the school need to act on it immediately.

KTheGrey · 22/01/2022 13:59

Just read @neverbeenskiing's post - perhaps not door open, but that depends on the door and the footfall - I was trained that if the door has no window it stays open whatever. If it has a window you (and the student) are more visible. Locked is not appropriate ever. I can't think of a conversation a teacher should be having with a student that would require a locked door.

CloneAViralMess · 22/01/2022 14:07

I completely agree with everyone else saying you need to talk to the school.

Music teachers may automatically close doors as that's what needs to happen when 1:1 instrumental teaching but if it's a meeting it sounds as though it should be jarred open. Certainly not locked! And absolutely certainly not needing key code unknown to pupil.

Maireas · 22/01/2022 14:11

This bloke seems to have missed every safeguarding meeting for the last 20 years.

CloneAViralMess · 22/01/2022 14:12

Hang on I wonder if there is a reason why he locks the door. Like if he's in a corridor where the door rattles/bangs whenever an external door is used (I used to work in a place that had this- very annoying) Might lock it out of habit. Depends if the locking action is complex... if the door locks automatically then maybe it's just more effort to unlock it?

Not trying to give this guy excuses, just trying to think of both sides/ all options or if there's an innocent explanation (that he might even like to use even if he is guilty).

Maireas · 22/01/2022 14:15

@CloneAViralMess

Hang on I wonder if there is a reason why he locks the door. Like if he's in a corridor where the door rattles/bangs whenever an external door is used (I used to work in a place that had this- very annoying) Might lock it out of habit. Depends if the locking action is complex... if the door locks automatically then maybe it's just more effort to unlock it?

Not trying to give this guy excuses, just trying to think of both sides/ all options or if there's an innocent explanation (that he might even like to use even if he is guilty).

Nope. No reason. We're given a lot of safeguarding training in secondary schools. This is absolutely not ever acceptable.
WithASpider · 22/01/2022 14:52

I reported similar behaviour from a male teacher when DD1 was in year 10/11. He was also known as Paedo [name]
He was making comments about her wearing her hair in plaits for prom, blocking doorways so girls couldn't get out of rooms and squeezing past her in wide hallways.
I emailed the Safeguarding Lead and it was dealt with swiftly. He's still at the school 2 years later but he's being watched closely.

HesterAndPearlInBrightSunshine · 22/01/2022 15:07

The times I was alone with a teacher at that age behind closed doors were the times he was abusing me...
Honestly that needs reporting. Your DD and other girls find him creepy but what if one of them starts 'liking' him?
Needs nipping in the bud.

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