AIBU for feeling liked a failed feminist for shaving my fanjo? (Lighhearted)

[Dustyplumber]

Yes, after arguing for years about how it is a driven-by-porn fashion, and saying teenage girls needed healthy attitudes to their own pubic hair, I shaved mine off. To give it a try, for sex, entirely my own decision.
And I really like it. I haven't seen it since it was bald at 11. It looks all neat and friendly, like a small ham sandwich.
I've been arguing with myself about it all week. It's a bit bristly now but it still feels quite pleasant.
AIBU?

I’m so grateful my bloke prefers hair because I really couldn’t be doing with the faff of removing it and the consequent questioning of my feminism.

@Blossomtoes

I’m so grateful my bloke prefers hair because I really couldn’t be doing with the faff of removing it and the consequent questioning of my feminism.

If I was 'grateful' that my bloke preferred my natural body state I'd be questioning my feminism right now.

@AsYouWishButtercup

IMO body hair has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with smelliness/dead skin etc. all body hair smells eventually which is why so many men bloody reek.

Hmm I think you are shaming women who choose not to shave. If you really believed all body hair was that filthy you’d be shaving your head too right?

Hairy men and women don't 'reek' if they wash regularly, change their clothes regularly and don't have any medical issues that might cause them to smell.

Shaving your bits is not a feminist action, but it doesn't mean you can't be a feminist because you shave. I just don't prescribe to the whole belief of choice feminism, it's okay to admit that as a woman some choices are anti-feminist and some women are complicit in their own oppression (but that's a whole other thread). But you can still fight the good fight with a shaved fanjo. And although I do agree teenage girls would benefit from healthier attitudes to their own pubic hair (and body hair in general) and that it is driven by porn, there are far more pressing issues especially in relation to porn. I'm anti-porn for a whole host of other reasons.

Lazy choice of word on my part @DiddyHeck. Glad, pleased, delighted - they all work. Sometimes I forget how nitpicking MN can be.

@Snugglepumpkin -
the OP said she’d

• last seen it bald when she was 11.

Not - now it’s bald, she looks 11.

These are 2 totally different things.

'You are NOT doing it for yourself, but because of the patriarchy' has been spouted by women who are against other women shaving their pubic hair for YEARS. Even though the majority of us do it for ourselves!

I don't doubt that women feel they do it for themselves. Same as wearing makeup, getting their nails done and what have you. But it is still because of the patriarchy. As women we are socialised from birth into making choices for the male gaze and somehow feeling empowered by it. Choice doesn't exist in a vacuum, we live in a patriarchal society. That's what people mean when they say you are doing it because of the patriarchy. These women are not inherently against other women shaving for the sake of it, there is logic behind it whether you agree with it or not.

What kind of scary ass chewbacca did you have before

I need to use this sentence in real life somehow 🤣🤣

@Freecuthbert

'You are NOT doing it for yourself, but because of the patriarchy' has been spouted by women who are against other women shaving their pubic hair for YEARS. Even though the majority of us do it for ourselves!

I don't doubt that women feel they do it for themselves. Same as wearing makeup, getting their nails done and what have you. But it is still because of the patriarchy. As women we are socialised from birth into making choices for the male gaze and somehow feeling empowered by it. Choice doesn't exist in a vacuum, we live in a patriarchal society. That's what people mean when they say you are doing it because of the patriarchy. These women are not inherently against other women shaving for the sake of it, there is logic behind it whether you agree with it or not.

I don't doubt that women feel they do it for themselves. Same as wearing makeup, getting their nails done and what have you. But it is still because of the patriarchy. As women we are socialised from birth into making choices for the male gaze and somehow feeling empowered by it.

And those of us who shave because it makes receiving oral sex so much more pleasurable, due to the heightened sensitivity?

Where does the patriarchy come into that?

@Freecuthbert

Shaving your bits is not a feminist action, but it doesn't mean you can't be a feminist because you shave. I just don't prescribe to the whole belief of choice feminism, it's okay to admit that as a woman some choices are anti-feminist and some women are complicit in their own oppression (but that's a whole other thread). But you can still fight the good fight with a shaved fanjo. And although I do agree teenage girls would benefit from healthier attitudes to their own pubic hair (and body hair in general) and that it is driven by porn, there are far more pressing issues especially in relation to porn. I'm anti-porn for a whole host of other reasons.

Absolutely this!

Also, am I the only one thinking it looks all neat and friendly, like a small ham sandwich. is a v Adrian Mole-esque description?

@ComeOnSpringtime

It looks all neat and friendly

What kind of scary ass chewbacca did you have before?

Hairy fanjos are also neat and friendly.

My hairy fanjo is not neat. Trimming just cause extreme itching so it has to stay in all its wild glory. It's very friendly though (or so my DH says 😬).

@Celticroseandsea

Mine looks more like a pac man

Wagga Wagga Wagga wagga

😂😂😂😂

Also, am I the only one thinking it looks all neat and friendly, like a small ham sandwich. is a v Adrian Mole-esque description?

As in something a teenage boy would say? Oh I agree with that.

Shaving your bits is not a feminist action

If you know that's how you get the most pleasure out of receiving oral sex, how is it not a feminist action? Not everything is done with men in mind you know!

@WhatScratch

’all neat and friendly, like a small ham sandwich’

#fanjogoals

I love the idea of a goal for my fanjo. I might add one to my New Years resolutions.....🤔

@AsYouWishButtercup

IMO body hair has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with smelliness/dead skin etc. all body hair smells eventually which is why so many men bloody reek.

What are you talking about!?! Body hair doesn't smell. I know, I have a lot of it. I don't smell unless I don't wash! Body hair or no body hair.

My DH is also the least smelly person I've ever met and he has loads of body hair.

BO is caused by sweating and/or poor hygiene not body hair!

YABU @Dustyplumber. Razors aren't environmentally friendly, our waterways suffer pollution from shaving foams/gels and hair removal cream. But worst of all you're destroying the natural habitat of the pubic louse. They're nearly extinct now.

Shaving your lady garden is to pubic lice, what palm cultivation is to orangutans. Ask yourself, is it worth it?

I haven’t read through the thread but just wanted to add (sorry if this has been mentioned) what’s the difference with shaving the Fanjo or armpits?

Nobody seems to bat an eyelid at shaving armpits but when talk of shaving down below comes into question it suddenly becomes more of a problem to some!

It’s ok to shave your legs, armpits, tash, wax your eyebrows etc etc but NOT you fanjo!

@Dustyplumber

Yes, after arguing for years about how it is a driven-by-porn fashion, and saying teenage girls needed healthy attitudes to their own pubic hair, I shaved mine off. To give it a try, for sex, entirely my own decision. And I really like it. I haven't seen it since it was bald at 11. It looks all neat and friendly, like a small ham sandwich. I've been arguing with myself about it all week. It's a bit bristly now but it still feels quite pleasant. AIBU?

To be honest, I always say each to their own, but preference wise, I do prefer a good bush, as it adds more character to that region.

@AsYouWishButtercup

IMO body hair has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with smelliness/dead skin etc. all body hair smells eventually which is why so many men bloody reek.

It feels like this always gets mentioned on these threads often as the looking like a child comment.

I don't agree with the looking like a child comments but I also don't agree with the all body smells because if it really was about that then people would be shaving body hair off their scalps too. When that hair gets dirty and sweaty it seems a simple shower and wash is enough but anywhere else on the body it's unhygienic.

@MissPeregrine

I haven’t read through the thread but just wanted to add (sorry if this has been mentioned) what’s the difference with shaving the Fanjo or armpits?

Nobody seems to bat an eyelid at shaving armpits but when talk of shaving down below comes into question it suddenly becomes more of a problem to some!

It’s ok to shave your legs, armpits, tash, wax your eyebrows etc etc but NOT you fanjo!

Actually I and many women absolutely do have a problem with shaving perfectly natural body hair, whether it be on your bits, legs, armpits, and wherever else. You actually see a lot of young women in the media nowadays proudly displaying their armpit hair, a lot of women are resisting the expectation of them to shave parts other than the fanjo, and I'm surprised you haven't been seeing or hearing about this unless I misunderstood what you were saying.

I do think it is silly to have only a problem with shaving fanjo and not other body parts, so I am with you there.

I don't think the whole debate is of utmost importance though and it's not something I'd get on my soapbox about and tell women not to do. I'd rather have feminist allies who shave than alienate women from the cause.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Whatever choice you make about anything, you'll be able to find a feminist who says you're a feminist, another who says it's unfeminist and another who will claim your actions are internalised misogony.