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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to do about these work situations (childcare)

48 replies

Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 19:03

Work at a nursery through an agency. Honestly if I ever have children it makes me not want to send them to nursery if parents knew what it was like sometimes.
I'd say that I have a gentle but firm approach, I don't agree with shouting at children like some of the others do.
Another problem is that it's an unbelievably bitchy environment. There's constantly someone being slagged off, usually whoever isn't in the room and it makes you assume they'll do the same about you.
I was in one room today and suddenly I was 'swapped' with a girl from a more hectic room, who's only 18 and I have heard them talking behind her back saying she's 'lazy'.
Anyway, I was put in this room where more babies were crying and there were more of them.
There's a young nursery practitioner in there who seems to be hot headed at times but nice at others.
She told us to not pick up/cuddle one particular child under any circumstances as she 'needed to learn', then at one point the child went towards her and the nursery worker said 'Get away from me now!' which I thought was cruel.
Myself and a different nursery worker there are more softly spoken and at one point the hot headed one snapped at us for not being strict enough and raised her voice at us.
She later apologized and blamed her hormones.

Anyway eventually she disappeared for a while and I saw her gassing in the changing area with another nursery worker.
A little while later I was once again 'swapped' back to my original room, this time with someone else.
The room leader actually told me it was because they needed someone 'stronger than me' in front of everyone.
She said 'You're good, but Katie is just 'stronger' than you really'.
I just said 'right', because what am I meant to say to that really.
I almost cried which I know sounds pathetic but I felt I'd been put down in front of everyone and told I wasn't good enough.
Was I being too sensitive? I just wonder if there are better nurseries, does this sound normal?

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Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 19:10

I can only assume I was slagged off too, some are nice there but some I wouldn't trust them one bit

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hookiewookie29 · 21/01/2022 19:17

What an absolutely vile sounding place. Don't go back and report them to Ofsted.

Just10moreminutesplease · 21/01/2022 19:20

God that sounds awful. I’d be furious if nursery workers treated my baby like that and it doesn’t sound like a nice place to work at all.

I agree with PP, report your concerns to Ofsted.

Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 19:22

It's very cruel to the baby I agree. They are due a visit I believe as various complaints have been put in.
Also thought I was doing a fairly good job but now feel a little undermined. Though if they're complaining because I'm not abusive towards the children like some of them are then I'm very glad to not be like them

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Bambam2019 · 21/01/2022 19:30

I work in a nursery and none of us would dream of treating children like that. I have a baby myself and my heart breaks at the thought of him being left to cry.
Nurseries are very short staffed at the minute and are struggling to recruit but that is absolutely no excuse what so ever for shouting at children.
The bitching, unfortunately is not uncommon and I don’t really think that alone is a reportable offence. Nor is continuously swapping staff between rooms, providing they are always in ratio, although it certainly isn’t best practice and I’d be willing to bet they don’t do if if there’s an inspector in the building.
Sorry you’ve had to spend time in that environment. I feel sorry for the children too!

Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 19:32

Yeah, I ended up just ignoring her and taking the baby
They are incredibly short staffed and have had to temporarily close a room
Sadly yes I probably can't do anything about it being bitchy.
I can understand being moved to another room if they need extra staff etc that's totally normal, but randomly being swapped and openly told in front of everyone that the other woman is 'better' than me was just uncalled for

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Lastater · 21/01/2022 19:34

Can you say which part of the UK you are in? I dread to think of what goes on in nurseries.

Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 19:35

It's the north west
Sadly a lot of nurseries are staffed by very young, inexperienced and sometimes immature staff which doesn't help

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Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 19:37

They also said openly that one baby was really 'dirty and Scruffy looking'

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Sofiegiraffe · 21/01/2022 19:43

This makes me SO pleased I chose a childminder for my baby and not a nursery. I could never have left her in a place like this. Poor babies. Shocking. Please report to ofsted.

OfstedOffred · 21/01/2022 19:45

Sadly a lot of nurseries are staffed by very young, inexperienced and sometimes immature staff which doesn't help

I know this is not every nursery but when I looked round them so many of the ones near me were reliant on very young immature staff. It was one of the key reasons I decided against a nursery.

Hugasauras · 21/01/2022 19:46

God that's horrible. When we went to look at nurseries for DD, I got that kind of vibe from a couple of them - that the staff didn't really like being around children much. Nothing overt, just a kind of disinterest or slight aloofness with them that didn't sit right with me. But it's very upsetting to read that someone would talk that way to an upset child in their care.

I would definitely report it. There was an awful story near where I live recently about a little bot being left with horrific burns after staff left him unsupervised near scalding water and bleach. An Ofsted inspection subsequently found loads of issues after they had been alerted, so it's always best to bring these things to someone's attention as it may form part of an even wider picture too.

Ilovesandwiches · 21/01/2022 19:48

I’m a baby room leader and I can assure you that nobody in my setting would ever speak to one of the children like that, baby, toddler or preschool. This needs reporting as a safeguarding matter. Poor babies :( and poor you, sounds like an awful environment to be in! I’m sure you’re great at what you do x

Hugasauras · 21/01/2022 19:49

@Hatefreezingweather1

It's the north west Sadly a lot of nurseries are staffed by very young, inexperienced and sometimes immature staff which doesn't help
Yes, I am not ageist at all and think young people can be amazing at caring for children, but I think that needs to be balanced by experienced, mature members of staff. The nursery we picked in the end is run by three sisters who also work on the nursery floor, and there's a mix of young staff members and ones who have been there for years.

A lot of these places seem to have an almost revolving door of young staff members, with really high turnover.

Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 19:49

That's horrific, poor boy. Why on earth did they have hot water and bleach out at all anywhere near children.

They were reported just today for not showing affection to one crying child, just shoving her in a chair, also another child became injured after being unsupervised and this was reported too.
I feel like giving in my notice today

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shouldistop · 21/01/2022 19:50

@Sofiegiraffe

This makes me SO pleased I chose a childminder for my baby and not a nursery. I could never have left her in a place like this. Poor babies. Shocking. Please report to ofsted.
Honestly, some childminders are terrible too and some nurseries are wonderful.
Rosebel · 21/01/2022 19:56

If it's an agency tell them you don't want to go back and why. Then report to Ofsted.
There are better nurseries than this, some really fantastic ones.
Don't let this put you off. Most nurseries don't agree with shouting at children or denying them comfort. I have found if you work with slightly older people alongside less experienced staff the bitching and gossiping is less. If all of the staff are similar age and experience the backstabbing seems to be worse IME.

Sofiegiraffe · 21/01/2022 19:57

@shouldistop

True. But you only have to get to know and learn to trust one person with a childminder (and one other in my case who works alongside her). That to me personally felt like a far safer bet than knowing lots of different people would be looking after my baby and not knowing the standard of every member of staff. You can't have a close relationship with every one of them. I felt strongly that I wanted that relationship with the person who looked after my baby, which is exactly what I have now.

Mollymopple · 21/01/2022 19:57

Please do report. Not acceptable, this is a safeguarding issue IMO as the babies are being neglected. Providing nuture and warmth is an essential part of the practitioner role shorted staff or not, it is the attitude which is very concerning. If there is more than one staff who believe in this ridiculous approach then you have an issue with the culture within the Nursery. I have worked at senior level across many settings in the sector and this I am appalled by this.

Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 20:00

Sadly I think this is the only nursery my agency works with but I could always sign up to new agencies or look at schools again.
There have been other incidents with the staff in this nursery towards the children so once I am out I will be reporting.
I'd say around 20% of the staff are 'older' including me (30+ ha)
It's definitely a peer thing though I agree

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teaandchocolate1 · 21/01/2022 20:01

Report report report. They should all be sacked.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 21/01/2022 20:01

I would also complain to the agency and ask to be moved.

The one we use is run by a family - mum, dad, their daughter and their daughter in law all work there. It definitely does help with some of the bitchy competitiveness and staff turnover that I was worried about at others we viewed.

shouldistop · 21/01/2022 20:02

[quote Sofiegiraffe]@shouldistop

True. But you only have to get to know and learn to trust one person with a childminder (and one other in my case who works alongside her). That to me personally felt like a far safer bet than knowing lots of different people would be looking after my baby and not knowing the standard of every member of staff. You can't have a close relationship with every one of them. I felt strongly that I wanted that relationship with the person who looked after my baby, which is exactly what I have now. [/quote]
I suppose it depends on the nursery. The one my children have gone to have had nearly all of the same staff for at least 6 years. Only 6 babies in the baby room with the same 2 staff members always working with my 13 mo.
Compared to a child minder who lives on my street who I see ignoring the children in her care when they're crying and not holding toddlers hands at the side of a busy road.

Hatefreezingweather1 · 21/01/2022 20:02

I hate the whole which child is your favourite, which is the cutest, who loves me the most etc. It's so unfair to the children.
The nursery worker I mentioned actually took a 1 year old girl yesterday, and carried her around to each room to show the 'awful' clothes her Mum had dressed her in! Ridiculous!

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Rainbowsandstorms · 21/01/2022 20:05

Please report this behaviour, it breaks my heart to think of babies being treated like this. It’s not ok.

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