To be a bit worried my year 12 DS doesn’t know what degree/job he wants to do?

[Billfortune]

Is it normal for them to not really know what career they want at this stage of year 12. DS is 17 and not sure but also doesn’t really want to talk about or explore options. He’s doing A’levels and wants to go to university so doesn’t he need to be thinking about this now? Feel like I’m being a bit pushy asking him about it when he’s clearly not keen to discuss it at the moment.

One of mine was like this. They really benefited from a gap year. Might that be an option?

Let it bubble. Has he visited any universities? We literally drove to one and looked round the campus - couldn't go in any buildings, just wandered about and had a coffee. Ds loved it and it was only then that the idea of university became real to him I think.

Ds's school did endless communication and events about possible future paths. It's not all on you. Has he done any work experience or even a job?

My Y13 doesn't know. She is doing a general degree that will allow her into many graduate level jobs. Many careers require specialist post grad qualifications anyway. I certainly didn't know what I wanted to do, even once I'd finished my degree.

How would he know though really? I had no clue about life when I was 17. I think those who have a clear view tend to be influenced by their parents but very few 17 year olds really have an understanding of what a specific career might entail. I did a degree completely unrelated to my job today. I would imagine the best counsel is for him to study something that he is interested in and isn’t so specific that it might cut down his options later on.

Neither does mine and he's not even sure he's going to go to university yet. I figured there's plenty of time yet for him to work out what he wants to do.

My DD was the same when she was in Y12 but she applied in Y13, accepted and then deferred her place. Then reapplied to a different university to following year and is finally in her first year and loving it.

I didn't decide what job I wanted to do til I graduated. I did an arts degree.

I didn’t know until my twenties. Took a gap year, went to uni, changed my mind, took another gap year, went to uni again. It all worked out. Best just to work or do other things until they know if they want to go to uni.

Blimey I'm 52 and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up! He has time to decide.

I didn't know until my mid 30's. Not everyone has a life plan. I did PPH at uni cos it seemed interesting.

What I will say is that life will take you on its own journey if you have no idea where you are going and not all the roads will be useful.

I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew. But I knew exactly what course I wanted to do (English) and which university. Doing a degree like English allowed me to keep my options open and spend three years studying a subject I loved. Worked out fine for me. If he wants to go university then he just needs to pick a subject he will enjoy without getting into specifics of what career (everyone on my team at work has studied a range of subjects but all do same job).
If he doesn't want to go to uni then there's q few options-
Job (but what)
Apprenticeship
Gap year

plenty of people don't know what career they want at 17. Plenty still don't know at 25 or even 35. And it is quite possible to change careers later, often dramatically. I have friends who have done teaching -> medicine; army -> business; TEFL -> law -> museum curation; science -> music teaching and many other big shifts.

your DS might find is scary to think of a career as fixed & something that will define the rest of his life. Maybe find examples of people who've changed career at different stages, and encourage him to think of university as a time to explore options. If he picks a pretty general course that he likes, he will have many different options afterwards.

He’s got a Saturday job on a farm but definitely not something he wants to do full time.
We have talked about going away for weekends to university cities to give him some ideas of what places are like, so that might help get him thinking a bit more.

I’m 44 and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!

Even doing an Open Degree because I want to do 6-10 completely different subjects!

I'm 49 and still don't know what I want to do. It's really normal to not know. I originally applied to do Law at uni when I was in 6th form, then withdrew that and went on a gap year. Then applied to do psychology and got accepted, but then switched to Politics in the first term. Then after my degree I switched to teaching and did a PGCE in modern languages. I taught for 6 years and then left and now I work in mental health. It's a very rare person I think who knows at 17 or 18 what they want to do for the rest of their life.

Mine doesn't either. I don't think it's unusual.

My DS is year 13 and only really decided what he wanted to do at uni about 2/3 months ago. He started looking at unis in a vague way in September with an idea of what he wanted to do. We booked a couple of uni visits and went to some subject talks. He decided he didn’t want to do his original choice but had opted for a different course in a similar field. The Uni he first picked out as his favourite has changed completely.

I think it is madness to expect people to know what they want and to set a course for their whole life at just 17. Look at how many people retrain at 30… 40… because they don’t want to do the thing they chose as a teenager.

I think the best course as pp suggested is a gap year and some work – a taste of working life drove me straight to university and then an MA to delay doing any more of it – then a course that’s purely “I enjoy this”. Plenty of time in a 3- or 4-year course to figure out what to do next.

Completely normal. Only thing I'd be mindful about is getting thousands of pounds in debt for a degree that either isn't necessary for a job he may want to do or leads to something he's uninterested in. He's got all his life to figure out what he wants, but I'd be wary of going to University just because it's the done thing.

It took me to 39 to decide on my career.

I still don’t know and I’m married with children!

My son is 24 and in his final year at uni , but at 17 , after school totally ruined his sixth form year meaning his entire year had to start that year all over again at college . It wrecked his confidence and he lost all sense of where he wanted to be . He did engineering, and this year is applying to the British Antarctic survey after discovering a passion for measuring the weather and research around it . Just because he doesn't know now , doesn't mean he won't know forever.

I'll add that what really helped me, was that my parents were really supportive and calm and didn't freak out. When I said I wasn't going to uni after all but buggering off to a job I'd arranged in Switzerland, they said that was great. When I said I was leaving my job early to go to uni 500 miles away from where they lived, they said well done. When I then said I was going to a different uni to study something else, they said congratulations. When I switched jobs they said it was a good plan and said well done. It really helped that I didn't feel any pressure from them.

I would recommend doing something they love at university. Not many do a job that uses their degree, and I and most of my friends did STEM subjects. If you do something you love you’ll work harder and still get the benefits of university (challenging evidence, critical thinking, writing formally, socialising, presenting, budgeting etc.).

He has ages yet. My dd didn't know what she wanted to do half way through uni. She suddenly decided to be a secondary school maths teacher and is very successful at it.

One of my main jobs roles was not invented when I was at school & nobody had a crystal ball !

However, I obtained a good general education & an unrelated degree. I also had the enthusiasm to learn new technologies & willingness to train others