Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pay or not to pay?!

30 replies

BaconAndKetchup · 21/01/2022 12:39

Honest opinions please as I’m genuinely concerned about this.

I’ve just left my job of several years to move on to something else. I worked part-time hours, although the flexi pattern meant I worked with everyone. I got on well with the entire office, and usually when somebody leaves we go out for dinner on a Friday or Saturday night, arranged by the person leaving. I’ve arranged this and just asked everyone if they wanted to go out for dinner, but now I’m worried about what the typical set up with paying for it is.

There’s around 20 people coming (this weekend!) and I’ve no idea if I’m expected to pay for it or not. If I am, that’s fine it was me who organised it so I’m happy to pay it, but equally I don’t know if people will be expecting to pay themselves and if me paying for it will make everyone uncomfortable. It’s going to be a lot of money but if the right thing is for me to pay it, I’ll do it since it was me who organised it (but obviously I would rather not as it’s a lot of money!)

So,

If someone invited you out for dinner as a small celebration-type event before leaving their job, would you expect it to be payed for (YABU)? Or would you expect to pay your own way for it (YANBU)?

Usually it was payed for by work but over the last few months new management have come in and it’s now clear that old arrangement is no longer happening, so I can’t compare it to old leaving dinners as they were paid for.

Please give me your honest opinions or what you would expectSmile

OP posts:
IsDaveThere · 21/01/2022 12:41

If it has previously been paid for though, I would make it clear that this was no longer the case and that people would now need to pay for themselves. I think a few will probably not realise that it has changed!

arethereanyleftatall · 21/01/2022 12:42

Is this the first social event since your company stopped paying and does everyone know they've stopped paying?

AryaStarkWolf · 21/01/2022 12:43

Surely they should all be chipping in to pay your share if anything considering you're the one leaving?

I definitely wouldn't expect to have to pay for 20 people. I'm confused why you don't know though considering you've said you been to other people's leaving meals, did you pay for yourself those times or not?

PinkMoon22 · 21/01/2022 12:43

Pay for myself.

Hugasauras · 21/01/2022 12:44

Usually I would never expect the person leaving to pay, but seeing as there's been a history of that at your workplace, it muddies the water.

Just send round a menu to those coming and say 'Just so you can see menu and prices (now we apparently have to pay for ourselves!) before X date. Hope you can make it!'

ginslinger · 21/01/2022 12:44

@AryaStarkWolf

Surely they should all be chipping in to pay your share if anything considering you're the one leaving?

I definitely wouldn't expect to have to pay for 20 people. I'm confused why you don't know though considering you've said you been to other people's leaving meals, did you pay for yourself those times or not?

it was paid for by the company before but they're no longer doing that
2022success · 21/01/2022 12:44

Last time I did this I paid for everyone's food but not the booze.

Trisolaris · 21/01/2022 12:45

I wouldn’t expect you to pay but I’d make it clear in advance the prices so people can decide for themselves. (Ie send the menu). If things have recently changed maybe ask a couple people if they are happy with that sort of price point to understand what the new norm is?

Pipersouth · 21/01/2022 12:45

Definitely need to remind people that work aren’t paying as this may their minds

Fairylightsongs · 21/01/2022 12:45

Just email everyone and say company no longer paying this is typical menu so you know costs.

Hugasauras · 21/01/2022 12:45

Also if people were unaware the company had stopped paying, I don't think (m)any of them would be fine or expect you to be picking up the tab for them instead! It would actually make me quite uncomfortable if I'd missed that memo and then the person who was leaving had to pay for my meal without me realising!

ginslinger · 21/01/2022 12:45

I would expect to pay for myself and buy you a drink - I think it's worth an email or message reminding people that it's no longer paid for by the company and you could add something like ..'if you'd rather drop out given post xmas finances, then please let me know'

AryaStarkWolf · 21/01/2022 12:47

it was paid for by the company before but they're no longer doing that

Thanks I missed that part in the OP!

In that case I'd probably tell people that the company is no longer paying for the meal, I definitely wouldn't pay for 20 people's meals

Original poster
BaconAndKetchup · 21/01/2022 12:48

Sorry I should have made it more clear! I’ll try and clarify it more below.

When I say there was other leaving dinners before, it was maybe 2 or 3 in the last 6 years so not an everyday occurrence and it wasn’t a widely known thing that it was paid for- at least I don’t think so because I didn’t know it was the set up until I went to one.

It was usually the same group of staff that went to it but this time there’s slightly bigger numbers, possibly because it’s been a while with covid.

It also isn’t office knowledge that it will no longer be paid for, I only know that because when I invited the manager they made it very clear, without actually saying so but the implication was there.

I’m an over-thinker (in case it wasn’t obvious already!) sorry for the accidental drip feed, I posted my original post on haste without re reading for missed information.

OP posts:
GrapefruitPink · 21/01/2022 12:50

I would simply say, would like to go to X for my leaving meal/drinks.
Heads up, company no longer pays for these. Hope to see you there.

Don't over think it.

rookiemere · 21/01/2022 12:53

I certainly wouldn't expect you to pay !
However if you can, it would be good to find somewhere with a set price menu, that way there will be no bill inequalities. Also do flag it up to people, some good suggestions for email already.

RedskyThisNight · 21/01/2022 12:53

Basically it's a meal out with work colleagues. I'd expect to pay for myself. The person leaving might buy everyone a drink, but I wouldn't expect it.

Unless you are all extremely well off, I don't believe anyone would expect you to pay for everyone if there are quite a few people invited!

Thelnebriati · 21/01/2022 12:58

The manager should make a point of telling everyone that they are expected to pay. Can you ask them to do that asap?

Hugasauras · 21/01/2022 12:59

Then I'd just send the menu or website or whatever and make reference to people being able to see choices and prices. That's pretty clear.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 21/01/2022 13:01

I would not expect a work colleague who was leaving to buy me dinner, especially not a part time one. I would go if I liked them and expect to pay for my meal & drinks. And possibly even chip in for theirs as a leaving gift. Every work social meal I have been to everyone puts cash on the table at the end for what they had and a bit extra for tips. Unless management specifically states they are paying.

Chely · 21/01/2022 13:03

If the company were not footing the bill I would expect to pay for my own.

FudgeSundae · 21/01/2022 13:09

@Hugasauras

Usually I would never expect the person leaving to pay, but seeing as there's been a history of that at your workplace, it muddies the water.

Just send round a menu to those coming and say 'Just so you can see menu and prices (now we apparently have to pay for ourselves!) before X date. Hope you can make it!'

This is perfect. I’d expect to pay for myself normally but as it was paid for in the past it’s worth clarifying. I’d be horrified as a guest if the leaver footed the bill themselves! Equally it’s not fair to not make this clear until the bill is presented as some people may prefer not to come due to cost.
BlowDryRat · 21/01/2022 13:11

YANBU. I would never expect a colleague to personally foot the bill for my meal, no matter whether it was a social or work event.

HollowTalk · 21/01/2022 13:12

Send them a link to the menu, saying, "This is the menu and prices so you're prepared. Shame the company isn't still paying!"

Tellmeimcrazy · 18/05/2023 13:42

I would send a message out saying "Just a heads up remember management doesn't pay any more, so everyone will need to pay for themselves. Pls let me know if all that's OK and you're still coming!"