I want to stop buying my kids so much stuff for Xmas... how do you do it?!

[Zara198]

To give context.. my dc are 5 and 3.
5yo asked specifically for a few things, mostly Thomas trackmaster and some bath bombs.
My 3yo asked for nothing but they were both extremely excited for Xmas and opening the presents.
We work full time and the boys do 3 clubs during early evenings so the week days are a write-off pretty much
Then weekends are often spent out, at parks, on walks, visiting friends etc.
It pained me knowing that I was spending all this money on toys which were unlikely to be played with, based on the fact that we are rarely here!
It doesn't help that its my eldests birthday 2 weeks after Xmas.
Also family and close friends always ask what they can buy, and everyone's always reluctant to give money as they're young and they say it's boring, same with clothes.
I'm working at home today and went in the playroom, looking at mounds and mounds of boxes full of unopened games, lego, playability, craft stuff. I know it will never get played with and I feel so guilty that people have wasted their money (me included) but also that its so bad for the environment.
However, I also distinctly remember many Xmas and birthdays as a little girl being so excited for the big day, and feeling very deflated that I got barely anything. I was from a very poor family. I never want mine to feel that sadness that I did but how do you balance it!
Please help!

If they're not interested in toys, you don't have to buy them more just because it's Christmas/birthday. Do they actually enjoy opening tons of stuff? Or is it just because you want to give them lots of stuff? I would just dial it down, get a couple of toys, then maybe some bike gear, trainers, tracksuit bottoms etc.

For main stuff follow the rhyme:
Something they want
Something they need
Something to wear
Something to read

Bulk it out with loads of cheap stuff that will get used up. Hot chocolate bombs, bath bombs, crayons, chocolate.

If they’re genuinely not bothered by toys, just reduce the number of things you buy. Try to stick to, say, three or four things each - a book, a toy, some pyjamas. Ask family for books/clothes/tickets to something/a magazine subscription. If you’re worried about it not feeling enough on the day, do an activity after the unwrapping, so they can put their new wellies/hat on and take their new kite/football to the park. That way you’re moving the focus away from the number of gifts to the function of them IYSWIM

Please don't stop getting out for walks and the park and seeing friends at weekends just because you think you "should" get some use out of toys you have bought! That would be crazy!! It sounds like you have a happy and healthy life with your kids. If you feel the toys are going to waste, then pass some of them onto a charity etc or sell them. Much better than forcing everyone to stay in and play when they show no interest.

For next year, are you sure they would be less excited about Christmas with a smaller number of gifts to unwrap. My kids only every had a handful of gifts, plus genuinely tiny stocking fillers (we use an actual pair of hiking socks of DH). There is still plenty of excitement. And as other people have suggested, replace some of the gifts with things you might buy anyway such as clothes. Consider asking relatives who want to buy larger gifts for "experiences", though bear in mind they won't mean much to small children on opening. Plus more outdoor toys and equipment.

I think you need to get your kids into playing! We go out every weekend day too, but the dc still spend a good few hours holed up in the playroom every weekend! And what about the school holidays? Surely they have time then? Or early morning when you are having a lie in and they go downstairs to the playroom? Or the couple of hours before bed on a Saturday? I can’t believe they have no opportunities to muck about at home!

Just buy them one or two gifts if you know they’ll get lots from relatives.
It sounds like your DC are very sociable and love the fresh air which is lovely to hear.

I’d be honest and ask if family would pay for football, beavers etc or pass to zoo etc or buy hobby related items.

Gift essentials luke toothbrushes and consumables.

Charity or sell food quality items so the people who actually want it can have it without driving further demand from shops. Look at LEGO- tons of it available second hand and yet there is still demand for new bricks, its mad.

You aren't responsible for someone else's spending.

Its easy to fall into responding to the "where are we going today" trap. But they will ask that if going out is all they've known.

Do you play with them? Set up craft/baking/giant train tracks?

Mayvb go out for the morning and encourage some creative play at home in the afternoon. Play is so important to their development and to learn how to handle down time and not be scheduled the whole time. Time to just "be" and draw/read/etc as rhey get older is so good and is a skill thats hard if they haven't learnt to "be bored" when younger. You dont want to be always having to entertain them or "go out" when "going out" becomes expensive as they get older.

Aside from that in general reducing overload of toys is great. It just jumps out thay yours don't get time to play at home!

I would take the craft stuff and Lego and put it away for a rainy day. It will come in useful when they can't go out for some reason.

And give away any toys that your dc won't play with to a less fortunate family and involve your dc in the process. (Where I live (not UK) there is a good scheme where you can sign up to give a child living in a refuge centre birthday and Christmas presents.)

And while it is fantastic that your dc get to go out so much and have loads of fun with you at weekends, I would personally ask family to share the cost of a toy farm or similar, so that your dc learn how to play on their own and development their imagination, while you do something else, which could be good for them to be more autonomous, and useful for you when they are bigger!

Or, could you ask friends and family to fund a hobby for six months or a year: uniforms, equipment, lessons?

Or impose a budget on presents? Or ask for half of cost to be added to a savings account?

Good luck op . My mother grew up during the war and our presents were lovely but they were were not numerous or lavish! And we were thrilled to receive them! So I know exactly how you feel!

Ask family to take them out for a treat. Doesn’t have to be complicated: bowling then a hot dog is utterly thrilling for a 6yo. Plus side: instead of it being an anonymous box, it’s spending from that family member that they will remember being treated by, and strengthens their relationship.

Watching with interest OP as we are overwhelmed and I’m trying to sort out what to sell and what to keep

Stop projecting your own childhood feelings.
They are not you.
They don’t have your context of a poor family.

1 present in a poor family? Could make you sad that you didn’t get what others seem to. 1 present when you’re surrounded by other things - both physical things and trips out, clubs… can be a different feeling.

Just cut the presents down.

My tip is not to rush into a present opening frenzy. Let them play with the just opened present for a while. This makes even a small number of presents into a lengthy “present opening” occasion.

As they get older, I find more and more need (but desirable) items make good presents. Like the football club you mention - new boots are a good present!

@bluechilli47

For main stuff follow the rhyme: Something they want Something they need Something to wear Something to read

Bulk it out with loads of cheap stuff that will get used up. Hot chocolate bombs, bath bombs, crayons, chocolate.

The last thing it sounds like you need is loads more stuff, just for the sake of it.

Ask your family to pay for outings through the year, especially if one has a birthday near Christmas. That way it's not 'boring' and it's spreading stuff through the year. They'll get so much more our of activities than a toy they play with once.

Ds1 really enjoyed the birthday where we got him new bedding, a lamp, light shade and a soft toy (all the same theme) - I think he was about 6yo.

As he has got older, I’ve done the bedding thing again, lights, desk, name for his door, wall decals, canvases (more lately) - stuff like that. He has always been given far too many toys, most of whaling he has never asked for and unsurprisingly had no interest in. He wasn’t ungrateful, it’s just that he never played with them because he didn’t want them in the first place. Which led to huge amounts of money being wasted and space being taken up. Time and time again.

Membership of something would be great, like a petting farm, soft play, activity centre type thing (like go ape). If it’s too expensive, then just a visit there. Or cinema tickets.

Ds also once really appreciated a £10 sainsburys voicher. We went and he chose a tub of ice cream or two, wafers, toppings, sauces etc. and then we took it all home and played ice cream parlour.

Or maybe go with consumable toys like play doh or paints or Melissa and Doug sticker pads, magic paints (you just add water), scratch art or shrinkles.

When mine were small and we were trying to cut back on stuff we would ask grandparents to give a voucher or trip to food/dessert places. One of their favourites was a frozen yoghurt place that we wouldn't have ordinarily gone to, and now they are bigger they said that was one of their best presents.

I go for one big present each. Then something to wear, to read, something to play with, something to eat. Food treats and stationary to fill the stocking and a key ring for their book bag. Vouchers for days out from family and pyjamas are an easy one for them to get. Or practical things for their hobbies. Ie.personalized Boot bag.
One tip I saw was fill the floor with balloons to make it look more exciting.

I have the same thing OP, mine don't actually play with most of their toys at all. I remember when my DD was about 4 she had to bring a picture of her favourite toy to school and I had to give her a picture of her bouncing on the trampoline in the garden as she didn't really engage with anything else.
I think you are in the worst age, it gets a bit easier as they get older.
My solutions have been:

1. Most of the presents are books (which can get read over and over and take up less space),
2. Things like nice swimsuit, or in your case football kit / football shoes / football equipment of some sort (eg nice drinking bottle, goalie gloves, an actual football, a popup goal for the garden) which they will use! For girls, you can get things like nice pencil case, fountain pens etc, which also do get used.
3. Clothes, like a winter coat - maybe not super exciting, but can be if it is a nice one!
4. A family board game, IF you don't have many or you think you will find the time to play with them in the evening, eg just before they go to bed. Otherwise don't bother, they are too young to play that on their own.
5. I don't buy them Xmas presents - they get loads from other people, and I will spend that money on things they need or treats through the year, as they will notice a new toy a lot more in say June than they do at Xmas with all the other presents.
6. buy toys which work with your lifestyle. Eg mine love those water pump things from places like Tiger, which you can use in paddling pools to splash everyone. So not 'at home' toys, but 'days out' toys, if you see what I mean.

Mine get a present and a book from Santa
A stocking with mostly consumables like bath bombs, chocolate, stickers, bubbles and things they need like socks and hairclips

They get a present (toy) under the tree from us and then to be honest I get lots of things they will need anyway!
But fancy/character stuff - Paw Patrol t-shirts and glittery trainers, character bedding.
Things for their hobbies like a kit bag but with their name embroidered on it or character swimming costume instead of a plain one.

Kids like lots of things to open, but a couple of very well chosen toys is better than piles of toys that won't get played with.

You don’t need to go out all of the time to have fun, maybe stay at home sometimes and play with the unloved toys.

I ask for GP to give experiences. Not always successfully but I try One of the GM gaves us a year pass to the Zoo

About opening xmas presents, I actually remember the opposite experience: receiving so many gifts that it got really awkward as they were pilling around me..... so a really nice, big gift is amazing and then maybe a couple of small things like books.

Your children are the same age as mine. They probably have loads of toys and don't need anything more! Do give away toys that they don't play and that you know aren't the best for them.

Get them out at the weekends

We've had season tickets to the farm and zoo in previous years paid by family for Xmas.

I would like to recommend magnatiles as a great Xmas gift, expensive but doesn't take up much space, easy to dip into and play with independently.

Have you tried toy rotation? I have 4/5 small shopper bags (nice ones from smyths) and I bring one into the living room for the day. At the end of the day everything gets thrown back in and bag goes away

Contents:

• train set
• tea/cooking set
• construction blocks
• small figures
• dress up stuff
• puzzles

They have more toys but these are in the bags and it works really well