I want to stop buying my kids so much stuff for Xmas... how do you do it?!

[Zara198]

To give context.. my dc are 5 and 3.
5yo asked specifically for a few things, mostly Thomas trackmaster and some bath bombs.
My 3yo asked for nothing but they were both extremely excited for Xmas and opening the presents.
We work full time and the boys do 3 clubs during early evenings so the week days are a write-off pretty much
Then weekends are often spent out, at parks, on walks, visiting friends etc.
It pained me knowing that I was spending all this money on toys which were unlikely to be played with, based on the fact that we are rarely here!
It doesn't help that its my eldests birthday 2 weeks after Xmas.
Also family and close friends always ask what they can buy, and everyone's always reluctant to give money as they're young and they say it's boring, same with clothes.
I'm working at home today and went in the playroom, looking at mounds and mounds of boxes full of unopened games, lego, playability, craft stuff. I know it will never get played with and I feel so guilty that people have wasted their money (me included) but also that its so bad for the environment.
However, I also distinctly remember many Xmas and birthdays as a little girl being so excited for the big day, and feeling very deflated that I got barely anything. I was from a very poor family. I never want mine to feel that sadness that I did but how do you balance it!
Please help!

Why not just set aside some weekend days here you don't go to parks or walks etc and have a day at home playing?!

For birthdays my sister gives all my kids a £10 for ice-cream shop. The kids really look forward to it and it's one less 'toy' gift across the board. My mum usually gives something practical like swimsuit and goggles each, or tickets to the panto each, that sort of thing.

Try to find toys that will be played with when you're out - dumper trucks to drive through the mud at the park, a pocket swing or hammock to put up in the woods on a walk, beach toys if you're near the coast, I'm sure you can find more outdoorsy things too

My kids loved playing at home (especially with train tracks, cars, toy lorries etc) at that age.
Have your kids really not got time to play with their toys?
I would collect up all the unopened ones and put to one side and use as birthday party gifts. You can reimburse your children if you want to.

Why can’t you have a few afternoons staying at home so your children can play with their toys? You don’t have to be out all the time, you are choosing to be.
I find such pleasure in watching my 4 year old play with her barbies, just listening to her play and the stories she makes up is wonderful. (I do hate having to play barbies with her myself though!)

Sounds like a case of over scheduling. Let them have some time at home to play with their toys and join in with them.

I didn't get a lot as a child either do I've done the Christmas madness and regretted it.

You could sell or donate the stuff you definitely know won't get played with so at least it's not wasted. Alternatively put sone of it away out of sight for rainy days.

Going forward think about more practical gifts. Books, pjs, clothes, towel, flannel, bedding, bubble bath, lunch box, drink bottle, plant pot and seeds, gardening bits etc. These things are still gifts and are exciting to receive but not so wasteful.

It's more difficult with family who want to spoil the children. I'd hint at money for treats as pp has said, but if they want to give gifts and have asked for ideas that's good as you can make sure it's something the dc actually want.

For purely environmental reasons I try to buy Christmas presents for my kids second hand where possible. I suppose this limits it as I have an idea of the presents I want (about 6 each) and each one I have to source on eBay or wherever so the effort is bigger .. because of this there isn’t time to buy loads of presents and I don’t just buy on a whim.

We ask for experience gifts... so last year they got zoo season tickets for example (we live 10 minutes walk away!). Or people club together for bigger stuff like trampolines.

Yeah, anything unopened can be regifted or sold on Marketplace if you don't think it will get used. Or donate to a toy appeal - there are loads of places that do them in the run-up to Christmas, but I'm sure some are year-round.

Spend less time on clubs and outings so that the kids actually have time at home. Let them be bored sometimes, it's good for them.

Stop trying to buy your kids happiness - they won't be happy just because they get a ton of presents; in fact they may well get overwhelmed. If people are buying for them, suggest vouchers for days out, or a pass for somewhere that you go regularly.

Don't buy toys as stocking fillers - buy things like bath bombs, books, pyjamas etc instead. Even things like duvet covers can go in a stocking (if it's one they will especially like).

I'm sure they do have too many toys, like most kids do. But I think the real issue is that they have no down time. You both work so they in childcare / school full time, plus three night of activities and then weekends out the house. They have no time that's just free for them to fill themselves, to get out the lego or craft stuff for a few hours a d see what they make. They really don't need every hour of their life managed so much

I do car boot sales and toys in good condition sell well, better than throwing them away.

I wrap up lots of things that aren’t toys. Cake mix, biscuit cutters, toothbrush, unusual toothpaste, cereal they aren’t usually allowed, mini pack of ferrero rocher, pens, stickers.

I think its a balance - unstructured play is really beneficial developmentally, and 3 after school activities sounds a lot for their ages. I'd cut back a bit personally.

Then re Xmas we do a few things:

• commit to a couple of ranges of toys they particularly enjoy and look out for secondhand add ons to those ranged throughout the year. So we are a lego household rather than playmobil, loads of lego sets come up throughout the year

• buy consumables for Xmas like Bath bombs, pyjamas, treat food, vouchers for days out/events etc

Don't buy as much stuff. They can also have bits to open that they need anyway like PJs, trainers, socks.

What about things like trampoline, scooter - my DS rarely played with actual toys. He had no interest. But would enjoy those things.

There's nothing wrong with money - say you're saving for a bike/scooter/trampoline. Or put into savings for summer.

Also we used to have family pass sometimes as a gift. So you can have nice days out all year.

Books would make a good gift too.

Could you get a family season ticket to a local attraction.
My children have had season tickets to the local zoo when they were the age of your children. Now they are older we’ve had tickets to theatre shows. The Harry Potter films at the Albert Hall with the orchestra playing the music.

I'd just start factoring in some playtime at home.

Bring a small box of toys through to the living room, a couple of jigsaws and a couple of books - they are more likely to dip into them if they are right there

We work full time and the boys do 3 clubs during early evenings so the week days are a write-off pretty much
Then weekends are often spent out, at parks, on walks, visiting friends etc.
It pained me knowing that I was spending all this money on toys which were unlikely to be played with, based on the fact that we are rarely here!

That does seem pretty full on - but portable toys/crayons/books/audio books - toys in carry cases/art cases - stuff that they can take with then and play while traveling or bath toys.

I think we've been lucky mine do seem to excited by clothes.

Having said that mine at now teens and this last chirtsmas was first I did manage to rein it in - clothes, chololate, books, hobby things, audio books - enough so there was pleanty to open. I think I managed this year as they aren't as exicited by it all.

Ask family to get vouchers for a day out

I let my little boy (6) create his Christmas list (usually using the Smyths catalogue and add anything he mentions in passing). I keep the list in my phone notes then whenever a family member asks what to buy, I select something from his list and assign it to them, putting their name next to the item. Or give them a choice of a few items, if you don't know the budget but ask them to confirm which they get as it's from his list. Keep that going then just buy whatever is leftover yourself. These might be the more expensive items or things you want to buy. I found it so much easier this year and it meant we didn't have ridiculous amounts of stuff. Just the stuff he asked for plus a few bits and bobs extra from people that didn't ask what to buy or bits I saw myself that I thought he would like.

My SIL often says they get too much stuff for my 3YO nephew- large family but the only grandchild.

We happily buy them an “experience” gift i.e family ticket to an attraction or put money is his savings account with a token gift like a book for him to open on the day!

Thanks all, some really good advice here and I do think trying to get family to club together for a bigger gift or tickets to somewhere is a really good idea.
As is the ideq of stocking fillers which aren't toys.
I appreciate what you say about downtime - honestly though they just prefer being out.
3yo only does 1 after preschool activity which is swimming, the (just) 6yo does beavers and a kids club run at a church as well as swimming and enjoys them all.
Weekends, as soon as we wake up it's 'where can we go today?'. They both keep asking to join the football club on a Saturday morning over the road where their friends go, but it's at 9am and despite how they are, I'm exhausted! And it's the cost.
But they love bike rides and scooter rides, even just popping to the pub on a Sunday afternoon where we bump into friends with their dc etc.
They aren't fussed by toys. Neither of them have ever been bothered by them and I just don't know how to get them engaged

I realise I said my dc are 5 and 3 in opening thread... my 5yo was 6 last week 🤭

How about reducing the quantity by thinking about longevity of the items (if it will be suitable for 4 years it's different than 1 year) and asking different family members to buy items towards a larger gift

What about days out for Xmas? You could print off pictures of where you are going to go?

I always set a budget & stick to it. Sons bday is a week after Xmas & this year although I spent the same on the 3 kids, he had loads more gift wise so I kept some back for bday.

Try not to feel guilty. I was comparing what I got thinking the kids don't have enough & my daughter was so grateful for what she got so no need to try keeping up with the Jones'

I also do a stocking with sweets but could do other consumables like art & crafts.

If I wanted to cut back more I would do the something they can wear, want, need, read. Good concept