Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should he take the day off?

30 replies

Feelingsicky · 20/01/2022 08:55

I have a 4 year old and 8 month old at home. Recently I’ve been unwell and on one particular day just felt really awful and was desperate to just sleep. I had a banging headache, sore throat, ‘pressure’ in my face from with stuffed up with cold, I hadn’t slept at all the night before due to 8 month old teething and breastfeeding and 4 year old waking up very early and coming into bed with us. I felt sick even standing up.

Now I know single parents may not have the luxury of help of a second person at home and I don’t ask him to take the day off lightly. We also used to take it in turns to be off work if our DD was ill but as I’ve been on maternity he hasn’t had to do that at all.

DH wouldn’t take the day off (WFH). Would you have asked your partner to?

(Note: to take the day off to look after the children, not me).

OP posts:
SlyAvocado · 20/01/2022 08:59

Yeah I’m an ideal world I would want DH to take the day off in these circumstances. I’m guessing the 4 year old was at school though? But when you say ‘day off’ you then say WFH so which is it? DH is very limited in what he can do WFH with a baby around, although it’s nice to have an extra pair of hands at lunch time or whatever.

I don’t have any family that could come and help in the circumstances you describe, so it would definitely be a struggle.

mumofmunchkin · 20/01/2022 08:59

My dh has taken the day off before when I've been too poorly to look after the kids at home (he's a teacher). I need to be pretty bad though, and I'll normally ask my parents if they can come up before I ask dh, so it's a last resort.

SlyAvocado · 20/01/2022 09:00

Similarly, DH probably wouldn’t just be able to be ‘off’ at short notice.

SlyAvocado · 20/01/2022 09:01

You know you’ll get loads of posters now saying.

Do you have a relative/friend/paid babysitter that can come instead?

Some people don’t, or they’d have thought of that first.

MessedOfTimes · 20/01/2022 09:05

I imagine many single parents wouldn’t be single parents if they were afforded the “luxury” of having the other parent there to bridge the gap in cases like this. He should have absolutely taken the day off. I’m sorry you’ve been so unwell. Sending you peace and best wishes for a big fat sleep ♥️

Flocon · 20/01/2022 09:09

Not unreasonable to ask. If you are unable to look after the kids then someone needs to

Sundancerintherain · 20/01/2022 09:13

Not unreasonable at all. The last big company I worked for had Emergency Parental Responsibility days that could be taken unpaid or applied to your A/L allowance.

Fairyliz · 20/01/2022 09:13

It sort of depends what kind of job he is doing; many workplaces expect two weeks notice of annual leave.
If he was wfh couldn’t he help out a little anyway? So in the time he would normally be commuting to work, a ten minute ‘coffee break’ mid morning, lunch time etc.
My neighbour who is wfh seems to manage to take his children to and from school, do jobs around the home, have workmen in for quotes and also go for a run whilst also working Hmm.

RealBecca · 20/01/2022 09:17

Of course he should take the day off. His usual childcare is unwell and not able to care for the kids so he needs to. It's that simple. Unless he thinks you get no sick days?

SlyAvocado · 20/01/2022 09:18

@RealBecca

Yeah you’ve put it perfectly.

itwasntaparty · 20/01/2022 09:22

DH is a teacher, he claims he can never ever take a day off to look after kids if needed. Pisses me right off and it always falls to me, I work FT but not a teacher.

@Fairyliz you sound rather over invested in your neighbour's work pattern, why shouldn't they do that?

StruggleStreet · 20/01/2022 09:23

Yes, he absolutely should take the day off if you’re too sick to look after your children.
So many men who ‘can’t’ take time off, I just don’t buy it, there is usually some kind of emergency leave that can be used. What do their female colleagues do when their children are sick?

Snoken · 20/01/2022 09:27

I think since he works from home anyway there could have been a bit of flexibility really. I can understand that parts of the day would be difficult to get out of, but he could at least have taken a couple of hours off so you can get some sleep, and he should do the school run. He could maybe make up for the time lost once the kids are in bed or the 8 month old is napping. Also, if you sleep well, you are more likely to recover quicker which is in everyones interest.

SlyAvocado · 20/01/2022 09:27

Since I’ve had a baby I’ve come to realise that, however reasonable and progressive and modern men may seem, nearly all of them still hold the belief that when it comes to the crunch, childcare is ultimately the responsibility of the woman. I’ve learnt it with DH through doing every single night waking for four entire months, and it took me by surprise actually- I didn’t expect it of him. The attitude must be inherent, it’s inbuilt in them.

KurtWilde · 20/01/2022 09:30

His usual childcare is unwell and not able to care for the kids so he needs to. It's that simple

This makes OP sound like the nanny not the mum! Confused

And no, it's not always 'that simple', it really depends on the job/company!

Rainbowqueeen · 20/01/2022 09:38

Would he have taken a day off if he had the same illness as you??

If yes then I think he should have taken the day off.

I’d remind him he is a parent now and sick days are not just when he is sick they need to be used for everyone.

Are you going back to work after maternity leave?? If so I’d insist he does any sick days for the DC in the first 6 months while you re-establish yourself.

goodwinter · 20/01/2022 09:40

@Fairyliz

It sort of depends what kind of job he is doing; many workplaces expect two weeks notice of annual leave. If he was wfh couldn’t he help out a little anyway? So in the time he would normally be commuting to work, a ten minute ‘coffee break’ mid morning, lunch time etc. My neighbour who is wfh seems to manage to take his children to and from school, do jobs around the home, have workmen in for quotes and also go for a run whilst also working Hmm.
Surely it wouldn't need to be annual leave - it would be emergency dependant leave, just as if a childminder was ill/nursery closure etc?
Fairyliz · 20/01/2022 11:50

@itwasntaparty

DH is a teacher, he claims he can never ever take a day off to look after kids if needed. Pisses me right off and it always falls to me, I work FT but not a teacher.

@Fairyliz you sound rather over invested in your neighbour's work pattern, why shouldn't they do that?

@itwasntaparty Because he is being paid to work but likes to brag about how much of his personal stuff he does during the working day. I don’t buy anything from the company he works for but feel sorry for the customers who do.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/01/2022 12:15

Absolutely he should have if you were that poorly! It’s not really fair on the kids either.

I agree with the poster who said many single parents would not be if their ex partner had bridged the gap in these situations- not being “allowed” to be ill was a massive part of my resentment.

Now mine are a bit older, the thing I think of when I’m ill is to thank god I don’t have a baby or toddler - it’s absolute torture to have to care for tiny ones when you’re ill.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/01/2022 12:16

So in the time he would normally be commuting to work, a ten minute ‘coffee break’ mid morning, lunch time etc.

Also this!

Flocon · 20/01/2022 12:24

@Fairyliz

It sort of depends what kind of job he is doing; many workplaces expect two weeks notice of annual leave. If he was wfh couldn’t he help out a little anyway? So in the time he would normally be commuting to work, a ten minute ‘coffee break’ mid morning, lunch time etc. My neighbour who is wfh seems to manage to take his children to and from school, do jobs around the home, have workmen in for quotes and also go for a run whilst also working Hmm.
No company asks for two weeks notice for emergency dependents leave though surely?
Pawprintpaper · 20/01/2022 12:24

When this has happened to us, dh has got children up and ready, made a packed lunch for them and got home as early as he could, so I barely had to do anything for them, just stick on peppa, not ideal but we managed without him taking a full day off. Could he do something like this if working from home? If you are fully bedridden ill or not safe to look after the children/be left alone then of course he needs to take the full day off.

Flocon · 20/01/2022 12:24

He basically needs to do whatever he'd do if you weren't there.

GrandTheftWalrus · 20/01/2022 12:31

Dh had to call off a shift with very short notice when my sciatica was so bad I couldn't even sit on the chair never mind look after a 5yo and 8mo.

NightIbble · 20/01/2022 12:35

Recently my DH had such terrible hemorrhoids he was in tears so I had to take the day off to look after DS, not ideal but can't be helped!

Swipe left for the next trending thread