Should he take the day off?

[Feelingsicky]

I have a 4 year old and 8 month old at home. Recently I’ve been unwell and on one particular day just felt really awful and was desperate to just sleep. I had a banging headache, sore throat, ‘pressure’ in my face from with stuffed up with cold, I hadn’t slept at all the night before due to 8 month old teething and breastfeeding and 4 year old waking up very early and coming into bed with us. I felt sick even standing up.

Now I know single parents may not have the luxury of help of a second person at home and I don’t ask him to take the day off lightly. We also used to take it in turns to be off work if our DD was ill but as I’ve been on maternity he hasn’t had to do that at all.

DH wouldn’t take the day off (WFH). Would you have asked your partner to?

(Note: to take the day off to look after the children, not me).

DH has before.

When DDs had Covid last school term (he was away with work) his workplaces response was actually to let them know if I became ill as then he would be sent home to care for them. If only kids were ill then it was stay at work and not return home until they were better.
They are 8&10.

DH took yesterday off as both DD & I have Covid - I'd looked after DD (7) & DS (3) for the previous two days whilst he worked (we both wfh) but I was shattered & needed a break so he took yesterday off to allow me to rest. His work is aware of the situation & provide special paid leave for illness/Covid cover/parental leave.

My OH would definitely take the time off if I were too unwell to look after the kids. I would and have done the same for him also

Thank you all , this does make me feel better about making an issue about it. Sorry should’ve been clearer, he works from home usually, even pre-covid.

He hasn’t explicitly said but he appears to think work won’t be understanding, his field is male dominated but they all have families. He’s worked there nearly 15 years, they know him well. He took DD to school and DS along for the ride but said ‘I’ll start early to make up the time, can you make sure they’re all ready to go’. I ended up in tears telling him he was missing the point and I may as well do the school run too if I’m doing everything else.

When he got back I was asleep and he left me there til lunchtime and baby needed a feed, so I think something clicked but I feel it should’ve been a non-issue in the first place.

@Rainbowqueeen I like this and will absolutely be saying this to him as I’ll have just been off for a year.

@Rainbowqueeen

Would he have taken a day off if he had the same illness as you?? If yes then I think he should have taken the day off. I’d remind him he is a parent now and sick days are not just when he is sick they need to be used for everyone. Are you going back to work after maternity leave?? If so I’d insist he does any sick days for the DC in the first 6 months while you re-establish yourself.

Definitely this.

I would be deeply concerned by his behaviour.

It needs firm spelling out to him that his refusal is hugely selfish an inappropriate.

Don't allow this to pass.

This is a big deal.

His lack of care and concern for you is completely unacceptable.

He doesn't get to tell you that you can't be ill.

Nip this in the bud.

He needs to do more for his children.

This could be the beginning of a problem in your marriage, so nip it firmly in the bud OP.

Hope you feel better soon.

My husband has a very senior position and has never hesitated to take time off when I was ill.

It is a part of life and people having families, occasionally.