To ask how you got a social life?

[NewMum152]

I’m always either at work or at home with my kids (5 and 2). My social life is just myself, kids and husband going places. I feel a little sad seeing groups of girls out on their girly nights. I’ve never been good at making friends. I do talk to mums when I take my kids swimming or other activities but it doesn’t lead anywhere and most seem to not want to chat . How can I get a social circle?

I’ve seen it recently advertised, there’s an app I think it’s peanut or something like that. It’s like a dating app but for mums. Maybe joining something like that would work?

Thanks chunky. I feel a bit awkward meeting people on an App. I kind of want to get away from whole mum friends as want to do things without the kids. How else can I meet potential friends?

Reconnecting with people you've had a friendship with previously is usually the quickest way, rather than trying to start anew. If you do want new friends then I don't think you can be fussy and rule mum friends out, as making friends through having children is how most people in that late twenties to late thirties bracket make new mates.

Otherwise you could take up an activity and see if you meet anyone, try Bumble BFF, see if any of your partner's friends' partners are interested in getting together, or just accept that it's not happening right now. There's no shame in it.

1. Still friends with a group from school
2. Main group is a group from a post grad year I did when I first moved to London (although not all actually doing that course!)
3. Local friends I made through having kids at same schools, or living very near by with kids
4. Wonderful group of friends I met on line - would be v outing to give details though!

@NewMum152

Thanks chunky. I feel a bit awkward meeting people on an App. I kind of want to get away from whole mum friends as want to do things without the kids. How else can I meet potential friends?

Most people in your age group will be Mums though, so even if you meet them in other ways, family life will still be a thing for them.

I would encourage play dates for your kids and get to know Mums that way.

That’s what I did a fair few years ago when we moved to a new area, and through a fair bit of trial and error, now have a circle of women who I genuinely like, get on with, and with whom we’ve supported each other through various life events. The kids aren't all even friends any more, but we are, and we see each other socially, as well as getting together as families.

Can you get involved in your kids school a bit more - PTA or whatever? Be class rep? Really helped me meet more people.

We don’t go out with the kids - it’s evening drinks

I joined a running group. My local club did a 0-5k group for new runners, so I took part in that and then I joined the club once I'd finished the 5k. I only did it to get fit, but a wonderful and unexpected side effect was that I made the most fantastic friends. When you're running with people 3 times a week, you form close relationships really quickly. It's honestly been the best thing I ever did. I have a big group of really good friends now, and we have a terrific social life outside of running as well.

I have a few different friendship groups:

1. Mums I met at toddler group
2. One mum I met at primary school
3. Church - I am not religious now, but I did go to church for a while and met some lovely people
4. Work
5. Neighbours
6. Book club

I think working part time has enabled me to make local friends through collecting DD from pre-school/school, volunteering, getting to know neighbours etc. It must be harder if you work full time.

Thank you everyone. Some great suggestions.

Hi op know what you mean. I join a walking thing this week she had it on FBook. It gets me out and a bit of chat too. Group of us. School mams great but people busy busy. But I did meet a few through my kids

Most women have these groups of friends from either school or university. It’s difficult to acquire a circle like that when you’re older. I don’t have a circle either, I think we have both missed the boat on that score.

@Mary46 how can I find a walking group in my area? I don’t have Facebook snd don’t really like social media tbh

I understand your reticence about social media but most activities are advertised that way these days.

I joined the book group through seeing it on Facebook. I don't live anywhere near where I grew up, and therefore don't see anyone I went to school with. I didn't go to university either.

Most clubs advertise on Facebook these days as it is free and reaches a wide audience. You can create an account and join local groups just to get a feel for what is happening in your local area without ever having to post anything. You can have your privacy settings set so that no-one can find you.

I live quite rurally and people literally advertise on FB for friends. As in "I've just moved to the village, does anyone want to go on a walk (what we all do off fun here ) so I can ge to know people" or "would people be interested in a walk once a month (I wasn't joking) so everyone can ge to know new people" etc etc. It really works here, but it might be because of the lack of other methods
Otherwise all my friends are from old work places and university.

@Alayalaya

Most women have these groups of friends from either school or university. It’s difficult to acquire a circle like that when you’re older. I don’t have a circle either, I think we have both missed the boat on that score.

Unfortunately this holds a lot of weight, it's difficult, I completely empathise with you OP, I'm exactly the same.

Could try volunteering, I'm starting, so can't say how successful it is yet

The best way to make friends is just through repetition, like how in school you become friends with the people you sit near etc.

I'm rural @Keladrythesaviour, and newcomers to the area do that round her as well.

When I moved to a new area I just asked a load of mums at the nursery and school gates if they would like to come to mine one Friday afternoon after school and we formed a lovely big social group from there.
I thought they would already know each other but it turned out they just used to stand there individually looking at their phones 'til I turned up .
The shyness gene passed me by

Ex work colleagues
Girls I went to girls brigade and youth club with as a child/teenager
Church
School mums
Walking
Friends of other friends or family
Neighbours
Husband's friends wives/partners
Singing

@RampantIvy good to know we aren't alone... Unles we live in the same area

I was walking by the mosque today as people were coming out and thought how nice it was that they have such a community and get out of the house so much to pray, so there’s always that. Other religions are available

Could you join a sports class/club or a book club or something? Meetup is a good website to find them locally.

I joined a netball club 8 years ago at the age of 46. Best thing ever and have made friends of all ages.

I second the other people in rural areas. Ask! It’s very common around here.

Also, mumsnet makes a big deal about not wanting to answer your door, not letting people in your home, hating having people drop by,

In all honesty, that’s not the life I lead. Or that which those I socialise with, lead.

We invite people for tea, we call in on people, we offer invitations freely and often.

I don’t know how half the people here ever ever make friends, given that they hate talking on the phone, ignore the doorbell and spend a lot of the day not dressed.

I was thinking the same thing today, my so called dp left me last week and I've come fo realise that my life is very isolated, I'm always home alone or with the kids. I'm epileptic and its not controlled, although I'm averaging 4 seizures every 12 weeks I have literally zero social life. Feel life such a saddo