I’m fat and need a nice dress for a summer wedding with my ex

[CrazyLadyTheThird]

Pretty much as the title says. I’ve gained a tonne of weight during lockdown and I’ve gone from a curvy 16 to a frumpy 22. I’m not saying all size 22 are fat, but I am, I just don’t have the confidence to feel good at this size. It’s a friends wedding in summer. My ex is a mutual so he will be there. I just want to look nice! I’ll try and lose weight, but if I can’t, what the hell do I wear? Where should I even be looking for nice wedding guest dresses? Any advice for shops or dresses will be accepted. At this point I don’t even have to like the dress, I just don’t want to feel like I look huge? Thanks!

There are lots of lovely things on Etsy which would suit you.
My sister has an etsy shop and she makes the most fabulous clothes in all sizes. They are lovely fabrics and look amazing.

I wore a Scarlett and Jo dress to a wedding recently. I got lots of compliments on it. I bought it on eBay for £23 including postage. It was advertised as new without tags but actually did have the tag on it when it arrived. I’d definitely look. There were loads of different ones at great prices.

If you go for Scarlett and Jo, lots of the dresses have built in body shaping. It’s very effective and I’d recommend going a size under.
I like their range, and I have a few items that always help this fat short woman feel well dressed!

@Justkeeppedaling

Get walking! 10,000 steps a day and just eat a bit less, and you can lose a couple of stone before the wedding. Buy something last minute that fits - don't buy something "to slim in to".

10,000 steps doesn't take all that long. I' started on 1/1/22 - I walk half an hour at lunchtime and half an hour during the 7pm slot when there's nothing but crap on TV. I'm sleeping a lot better, and I've lost half a stone by doing this and cutting out bread, cake and biscuits.

You had me until you mentioned cutting out bread cake and biscuits.

Jesus. Threads like this make me want to scream.

The last few years have been stressful. People have changed body weights. It’s really ok, our bodies and minds have been under pressure.

You deserve to treat your body with kindness, and that doesn’t include pressure to lose weight to look ‘better’ in a dress.

There’s loads of fab dresses out there that you would look amazing in I’m sure. Sure, you may look your size. Who says that’s a bad thing? Who decides what size looks ‘ok’?

I like asos curve, and also like some dresses from yours.

I recommend eShakti - they have a huge range of dresses, which you can customise - change the sleeves, length, neckline etc - and then you either pick one of their standard sizes, or put your measurements in, and the dress is made to fit you.

I bought two dresses from them, for ds1’s wedding next month (one for the day, one for dinner the night before), and in their sale, both dresses came in under $95 (they are based in the US, but the dresses are made in India). The dresses arrived promptly, and fit beautifully.

I used to wear Scarlett and Jo when I was bigger. Next has lots of nice stuff if you type in curve or plus size.
If you did want to lose some weight you’ve got plenty of time. I was a 18/20 January 2019 and a 10/12 by August (lost 5 stone on SlimmingWorld)

Perfect time for start to lose weight.you will be a much happier and healthier person and a week before the wedding you can enjoy buying that dress in size 16. All the best.

Make sure to book in for make up and hair.
I think having those things done professionally always makes a difference, to your confidence more than anything!

But let this be a good opportunity and motivator to lose some weight because you can do it, if you want to!! You have got time and you'll probably feel a lot more comfortable if you were able to get to an 18. It is very doable.

Also shoes.. I think shoes make all the difference to an outfit and IME can be harder to find than the dress! Try loads on at a department store and get some that are the right heel hight and shape for you and slim your legs rather than add chunk. Actually Clark's surprised me last year by having some very flattering heeled chunky sandals that didn't turn my legs into stumps.

@ NauseousNancy.stuffing yourself with food to become a size 22 is not being kind to your body.it is being abusive to your body.do you think the heart and bones really enjoy carrying all that weight every day?

Do you think your mind enjoys shaming yourself about it?

Dont project your shame on me.

You can definitely lose weight between now and summer. You don't even have to diet, just eat very healthily - lots of lean protein, veg and salad, fruit and small amounts of complex carbs. Lift weights, do 10k steps a day and/or C25K. Buy hand weights or a kettle bell and do Kettlebells with Amy for 10 mins every day. Do yoga with Adrienne too. Getting back a caring, nurturing attitude towards your body will be so helpful. it wont matter if you only drop one dress size (though you'll probably drop at least two). You will look and feel good and have good muscle tone and posture.

What shape are you? Even though you feel frumpy, you will still have best features - legs, boobs, waist-to-hip ratio etc. If you tell us this and your colouring and height we can find some good suggestions.

@CrazyLadyTheThird

Thanks everyone for the help! I know I need to lose the weight and I’ve got every excuse you can think of (young kids with SEN, single, working, tired etc) but I’m hoping to get sorted and can do some more exercise once the nights get lighter!

I’ve had a look at some of the suggestions and they’re great thanks! Keep them coming!

With kindness, what jumps out at me here is that your mind is not set on losing weight or getting fit, you just think it should be. You’re ‘hoping’ to ‘get sorted’ and can do more exercise ‘once the nights get lighter’. If you were in the place you wouldn’t be hoping, you’d be doing. There would be nothing to sort and not once the nights get lighter, now. You’re not there you see?

I sympathise enormously, I used to be a size 24. It seems so massive an undertaking that one is almost afraid to start.
Someone once said to me, “How do you eat an entire elephant? One bite at a time.”
The same is true here. You could lose a lot in five months and feel amazing in your choice of dress. Good luck with it, once you’re ready to do it, nothing will stop you.

There’s loads of fab dresses out there that you would look amazing in I’m sure. Sure, you may look your size. Who says that’s a bad thing? Who decides what size looks ‘ok’?

She does. She gets to decide. Her body her choice.

Op,
Bless your heart,I've told this scenario before,I hope it helps.
I was in the swimming pool taking a breather.
In walks a young,beautiful lady with long skin legs,tiny waist,big bust,head down,shoulders down,looked unhappy,initially got looked at then ignored.
A short while after in strides a slightly older lady with a much bigger figure,shorter bigger legs and torso,an unflattering swimsuit, but,her head is up arms swinging,half smile on her face,she appeared confident,at home with,if not loving herself but not in an arrogant manner,she oooozed sex appeal because,just because of her f**k everyone this is me.and she did indeed get a lot of admiring attention for quite a while.
If
He like confidence,if you appear to have it,people will think you have and react accordingly.
So if you lose weight of not,when you go to the wedding,love yourself(in fact start right now),fake it if you have to.but you will see the acceptance and admiration and you soon won't need to take it!.
I'm Runner's World in either January or February issue there are few pages on accepting yourself for who you are,it's very interesting and may help.
Whatever size you are,love your body,think what it does for you every day.
And,wrap dresses always look great on curvy ladies and the Joe Brown's jersey dresses are extremely comfortable and pretty.
Have a lovely day and tell yourself every morning you are beautiful.🌈🌻💐

I’m not happy about my body shape but I’ve found that the most flattering style of dress that I get the most compliments in is a maxi dress which has a v neck and a belt or elasticated high waist just under my boobs on my ribs instead of my waist. I know these dresses are autumn/winter fabric but if you imagine this style in the summer fabrics I think it could be what you’re looking for. It takes the focus off your midsection which you seem most concerned about, and onto your breasts and legs. The V neckline draws the eyes to your cleavage and the flash of legs distracts the eye too. These two dresses are from Evans (Evans is no longer owned by Burtons but by City Chic) but I’d wait a few months until the new spring/summer lines come in and just look for this style as it’s so much more flattering than it looks. Good luck

This is the actual dress that I bought but I bought it before Christmas in the sale so not sure if they’re still selling it. It is a similar style to the two I posted above and is stunning on and hides my mummy-tummy-apron very well 😁