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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband's sister smells

61 replies

SisterSister81 · 18/01/2022 09:36

I know how that sounds and I feel awful for repeating it. I would appreciate some insight into what others think I should do here.

My sister in law came to our home last week and she was not close to me and I could smell her very bad breath, it was offensively bad and that is an understatement.

It smells like gum disease or something similar along the lines (as she has a couple of other times and I haven’t smelt it but it is the odd once or twice I am really starting to smell it more and more).

We were in my front room and it’s not the largest of sizes and I had to move to our larger kitchen area to get away from the smell. I felt awful.

Husband’s sister is in her early forties and she suffers with Williams Syndrome so it is not like I can mention it to her as she wouldn’t understand and her Mother (my mother in law) is her career who I don’t also feel I can mention it to her with fear of offending her!

The only person is my Husband but I don’t know how he would take it. I don’t know if MIL is just immune to the smell now!

It is not just bad breath but I can smell when she is clearly on her Aunt Flo and there is a very obvious smell of that around her. She is overweight and quite short so I don’t think it helps her Sad

I am sure my Husband is aware of it already as he has mentioned it to me once about a year or so ago but never again, I get the feeling he is embarrassed as it has gotten progressively worse.

She sometimes needs help to brush her teeth but even with help it’s not being done properly and she needs help to be bathed also otherwise she wouldn’t do it herself.

I know this sounds awful and I don’t mean to come across as spiteful or downright offensive Sad

I am so sorry if anyone takes this to offence but I am really wondering if I should mention something to my Husband here and as I’m conscious others may start to smell this also around her. AIBU here and should I just let this go?

OP posts:
OhPatti · 18/01/2022 14:02

It is not just bad breath but I can smell when she is clearly on her Aunt Flo and there is a very obvious smell of that around her. She is overweight and quite short so I don’t think it helps her

Why bring her height and weight into this? Those aren't factors that affect personal hygiene.

CurtainTroubles · 18/01/2022 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Cstring · 18/01/2022 14:29

SIL is not receiving appropriate care from MIL if she smells I’m afraid. It’s going to be very difficult if MIL just brushes these things off, but for SIL sake you need to persist.
If she is has urinary incontinence it’s really important she is kept washed and fresh to avoid any breaking down of the skin. We used to deal with adult social care and the local incontinence service for my relation. They provided advice, and some limited supplies.

BriansTail · 18/01/2022 14:53

I think you need to have a conversation about what their plan is when they're no longer able to care for her.

Surely it's better that she's settled sooner rather than later in assisted living or similar.

Did anyone tell her that everyone has to do chores?

Branleuse · 18/01/2022 14:56

Since your sister in law has an intellectual disability, then i dont see why you wouldnt mention to him that you think her carers need to be doing more personal care as youre worried that her hygiene is being neglected.

Zombiemum1946 · 18/01/2022 15:02

Could be a number of reasons for the breath from lack of cleaning, fishing, tonsil stones, stomach issues and so on. It does sound like mil needs a bit of help but I'm not sure how you'd approach that. Your dh would probably need to be the one to do that. Not easy but mil needs to give thought to what happens if she becomes too ill, for what ever reason to look after sil.

Gazelda · 18/01/2022 15:56

Has SIL got a purple folder?

Embracelife · 18/01/2022 17:07

@Zombiemum1946

Could be a number of reasons for the breath from lack of cleaning, fishing, tonsil stones, stomach issues and so on. It does sound like mil needs a bit of help but I'm not sure how you'd approach that. Your dh would probably need to be the one to do that. Not easy but mil needs to give thought to what happens if she becomes too ill, for what ever reason to look after sil.
It s a question of when No one s immortal Sil should not be neglected to early death to die before mil
Zombiemum1946 · 19/01/2022 16:42

@Embracelife
I was trying to couch it in terms of an approach that might make her mil more accepting of outside help. Sil would likely need time to adjust to others helping with her care. It can be so difficult for families to accept help, that a relatively delicate approach is better. Her dh maybe sensitive about all this, especially as the responsibility for his sis care will fall to him, as is starting to show now.

Embracelife · 19/01/2022 18:32

What does that look like?
Your dh employing carers?
Your dh giving personal care?

Yes the time to adjust needs to be now
So she already settled elsewhere when mil dies

Stath · 19/01/2022 18:51

To be honest your SIL is being abused through neglect.
Your DH should shape himself and report his sister’s living situation and lack of care to adult social services.

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