My mum was exposed to Covid and then had my now poorly son for the night

[gettingabitfedup]

My toddler became unwell yesterday. Firstly waking up all snotty so I suspected just a cold but in the evening he had a temp of 38.8, became lethargic and floppy, difficult to wake, and tachycardic. We were so scared that we called 111 who sent out paramedics to check him. He suddenly bounced back despite the temperature so they weren’t worried. Today he’s been on and off, we’ve been cycling calpol and nurofen, there was a time this evening where he was inconsolable, we’re keeping a close eye.

Anyway, my mum had him last Wednesday and it turns out that she had allowed her employee back into the office despite her daughter having Covid. As far as I’m aware, the employee warned her that she had not isolated for long enough and my mum told her to come back in anyway as she had ‘missed her’. It’s just the two of them and they sit closely together.

She did not make me aware of this and we have all been around her, I found out on Facebook on a group I was invited to.

I haven’t told her I know as to be honest I am angry about it, and worried my toddler has Covid. We’ve tried a couple of tests on him but they keep saying void because it’s just too difficult. I know if he does there is nothing we can do now.

She has asked to have him again this week and I have said I am keeping him home until this subsides. She keeps telling me that she will ‘see how he is on X Y Z’ and not taking no for an answer.

She’s adamant that is just a cold but really pushing the whole cold thing. It could just be a cold. But I am upset that she has risked my son and even now isn’t listening or making me aware of her employee.

Maybe I’m being over the top but I don’t think I am? It’s horrible to see him like this and whether it’s a cold or not, she allowed someone who had been directly exposed to Covid into her home (she has a home office), and asked to have our son for the day soon after.

I don’t know; am I overreacting?

As I said I’m just keeping him home and watching him very closely as I am feeling anxious. But if I’d known about her employee I wouldn’t have allowed him to go.

You are overreacting as the lady didn't have to isolate. My DD has Covid and I e gone to choir practice tonight. I did two negative lft's BUT she probably should have let you know.

I hope he recovers quickly .

What you need to come down hard on is her telling you that she won’t take no for an answer. Oh yes, she will have to.
I think you need to make that very clear. You get to decide when he’s well enough to go somewhere, not your mum.

The reason she didn't tell you is because you have health anxiety the reason she is dismissing your concerns is because she thinks your exaggerating them due to your health anxiety

It's put up with being dismissed or put your foot down time im afraid

No my child is ill he isnt coming over
Or
Yes mum

Don't worry about the covid factor everyone will be exposed sooner or later focus on your child is ill and needs there PARENT not grandparent

Doesn't matter that someone didn't have to isolate. Your mum knew and could have warned you. I would have been really angry at that as its unnecessary risk for your family. I don't think it's your anxiety as people keep banging on about its just common courtesy which people don't seem to have any more

Youre being hugely dramatic. It's sad that your little one is poorly, but so.much.drama.

Kids get ill. It's not new, it's life. I feel sorry for your mum. (And child obvs. Hope he bounces back soon).

I've regularly spent hours at a time in the close vicinity of people who have family members who have tested positive, because they don't have to isolate unless they test positive themselves.

Is also think the "tachycardic" comment is odd, OP. You said in response to PP that you just repeated what the paramedic's said. But initially in your OP you said "became lethargic and floppy, difficult to wake, and tachycardic. We were so scared that we called 111 who sent out paramedics to check him."

Anyway, I can understand being worried about your child, but honestly, you're overreacting. I do hope your toddle get better soon. You don't need to test as he's under 5. But also you're Mum's colleague had no reason to isolate. So do t be angry at your Mum. Try to relax and concentrate on your son. Hope he gets well soon.

Wow AutumnLeaves21, no need to be so mean. The OP has been open about health anxiety, words hurt. Imagine if you were speaking to someone in real life.

OP I think you should just keep your child home till they’re better no matter whether Covid or something else. If your mum had contracted Covid on Monday her viral load would be unlikely to be high enough to have given it to your son on Wednesday, if your son has it it could well be from somewhere else. I totally understand you being angry your mum has put your son at risk without mentioning it but I doubt she felt she was putting him at risk. I’m sure it wasn’t deliberate on her part, there is just a lot of lack of understanding around firstly Covid and secondly health anxiety. This must have been a really difficult couple of years for you. Snuggle up with your son and you keep him safe at home till he’s better, you can just say he’s not up to staying with anyone. Your mum will have to accept that. I hope he feels much better soon and glad he is on the mend.

I'd be fuming op. I don't care what the guidance says, I still warn people about stuff like this.

Flakey people who can't think outside government rules who would've been terrified to go out in march 2020 will now tell you, because Johnson says it's okay that you're overreacting.

I see you mention health anxiety but I honestly don't think you're overreacting. They probably didn't maybe did pass it to your son you'll never know. The point is she should've told you in advance before she made her own decision about who she associates with and when and then included your son without your knowledge/consent.

Also she seems overbearing the way she keeps telling you what to do. You might want to rethink your boundaries with her now that you are a mother yourself. Wishing your son better quickly.

OP there are loads of viruses going around at the moment. It is still more likely that your child has one of those rather than covid. My youngest has been sick off and on for about 6 weeks now. In that time they’ve had numerous covid tests, both LF and PCR and all, so far, negative. They’re the only one in our household not to get covid (yet) but they’ve been far sicker than the rest of us. I’m putting it down to the poor immune system of a pandemic baby.

Why was she supposed to self isolate if her child had covid unless not vaccinated thats not the rules in england or are you elsewhere in uk

I’d have been annoyed too so I don’t think YABU. Your mother knew her colleague’s circumstances & made her own decision, but she decided that she wouldn’t allow you to make an informed choice, regardless of the latest rules. Have either of them done LFTs?

Without knowing the full details of the exposed person's situation (eg were they vaccinated?) it's difficult to form a view on the reasonableness or unreasonableness of their behaviour. But, I would want to know if I were sending a child into a setting in which there might be an exposure to an infectious illness, and I would be annoyed if a close family member knew of a potential exposure and didn't tell me.

In your situation, I'd feel annoyed and a bit disappointed that your mum didn't seem to respect that you might have different thresholds of concern about infection risks.

As for her "not taking no for an answer", she's going to need to learn to. When it comes to your son, you're the parent, not her. She can't overrule you - if your son is unwell and needs to recover at home, she'll just have to accept that.

Floppiness and tachycardia are scary things to see in your child, so it's understandable to be worried, and I don't think your language was dramatic - it seemed normal to me.

If you've a history of health anxiety, then it might help to practise your coping strategies and to consider doing a baby/toddler first aid course to help you feel more confident in when you can manage a situation and when to call for help. For future reference, healthcare professionals would always want you to seek help with a floppy, tachycardic young child - you made the right call.

I hope your son feels better soon.

@britneyisfree why practically everywhere you go someone will of been near someone with covid and many people have to go into work in a covid case at home and do not have to divulge to colleagues
My son had a case at work so to be on safe side he is testing but do you really think the rest of us should be telling everyone this ? Prob applies to 3/4 of the country
Different of the friend was positive and her mum had been in contact

[quote gettingabitfedup]@iolaus she was supposed to be self isolating and did for a couple of days and then went back to work[/quote]
No she wasn't. If she was vaccinated she didn't need to self-isolate. That rule has been dropped for a while now.

If someone in your family tests positive, you only have to isolate if you're unvaccinated. There was absolutely no reason why your mum's colleague couldn't come to work. Your mum has done nothing wrong.

You're acting as if your mum had covid when she had your son. She didn't. And nor did her colleague have it when she came into work. You really do have this totally out of proportion, and you're being illogical.

Your baby would have been tachycardic because of his stress and distress, and the temperature. You have that out of proportion too. It's a scary medical sounding word for something quite normal. You're tachycardic if you go for a jog. You're tachycardic when you have a fever. You get tachycardic if you have a row with someone. It was meaningless in the context of your boy's brief illness.

[quote gettingabitfedup]@iolaus she was supposed to be self isolating and did for a couple of days and then went back to work[/quote]
Why? Legally she didn't have to isolate.

My daughter is a teacher. there are kids in her class testing positive every day. By your reckoning, OP, I should just never see her. And certainly not if I'm going to have my other daughter's toddler for the day. And of course DD2 shouldn't see her sister because...well DD2 has a toddler DD.

Virtually everyone you see is only two steps from someone positive right now.

The problem here are the rules that have been put in place. Now that close contacts of people that have tested positive are free to wander around willy nilly, we’re all getting it.

I am massively against lockdowns (particularly after Arthur) but the government have gone too far the other way, trying to achieve herd immunity.
I’m especially cross as my 7 year old has now caught it and she’s really unwell. I suspect we’ll all go down with it now.

I know a mum who had covid but sent her children into school, in my child’s class, her kids were off with it a couple of days later but of course the damage had already been done by that point. She’s done nothing wrong legally. In fact, I wonder if she’d have been in trouble for not sending them in, I don’t blame her but it does all seem stupid. I half even blame the school for going along with these rules like sheep when so many kids are off with it. Surely they could put something in place.

I know it sounds selfish, and perhaps ignorant, but we’ve managed to avoid it and I hoped that covid would burn itself out now we’re supposedly on the last leg with omicron. We’ve caught it at the final hurdle darn it!

We have live with this virus which will be endemic. Try not to let it rule your life. Kids usually catch all sorts of things and bounce back.l

You’re being OTT about the covid risk but your mum can’t dictate when she has your son. He’s your son , you decide when she sees him.

Also my toddler DGD has had everything going since September. One cold/virus after another. She feels rough for a day then she's just snotty and coughy, but otherwise herself. Was one of those viruses Covid? Who knows. But toddlers catch things, so blaming your DM for one of them (when she did nothing wrong) is just silly.

Everyone keeps saying the employee is vaccinated? I can't find that?

I would say every time we step outside at the moment we likely cross paths with someone who either had covid or who has a family member at hone with covid.
I don't think your mum, or her employee have done anything wrong- neither of them even have covid themselves. Mums employee does not need to isolate even if her daughter does. My children have both had covid ( more than once ) and I continue to go to work.

Don't think yabu op, mainly because you'd be entitled to expect your own mother of all people to tell you she'd been in contact with someone who came out of isolation early. Also, it's up to you when she sees your child , not her.

Your mum wasn't exposed to covid. That would require her to have been with the colleagues daughter.