To think these people are not my friends?

[friendsno]

Small group of five friends since university but I've always felt on the 'outside'.

We all now live in the same city and see each other regularly.

For everyone's birthday we do the present / dinner / cake etc thing, organised by the others in the group.

Most recent birthday included drinks out and then back to one of our homes for dinner and more drinks

My birthday rolls around and no one suggests anything, no cards from any of them but turns out they did all see each other the night before but didn't mention it to me.

I was out with my husband but it still stung (it was December and still stings tbh).

I know if I was that bothered I could have organised it myself and actually I don't need a huge fuss on my birthday, it's just compared to the effort made for the others I feel like I'm not valued as a friend and might want to try and make others...

These people are not your friends....dump them

That sounds very hurtful. I doubt I would be able to continue being friends with any of them after that.

Something very very similar has just happened to me! It sucks

That's awful, I'm sorry. You don't need people like that in your life

No, they aren't your friends. I've been in a similar situation and got rid, and feel so much better for it 6 years on. Like a weight lifted. Life is too short for shit mates

Yup, dump and move on. It sucks to feel hurt like this.

It's bloody rubbish.

@Comedycook sorry you've had the same. Did you mention it? I think I want to just distance myself from them quietly.

surprised you had to ask!

That’s horrible. And it reflects on them, not you, although that’s not going to make it hurt less right now.

I would just distance myself quietly. If any of them ever ask you why you’ve drifted then you can explain how hurt you were by their actions.

Eurgh that’s spiteful of them. I’d phase them out, no need for drama, you are just too busy.

They sound absolutely thoughtless and not like good friends at all. I shouldn’t get into any arguments about it - just quietly move on and find people who are more genuine.

@friendsno

It's bloody rubbish.

@Comedycook sorry you've had the same. Did you mention it? I think I want to just distance myself from them quietly.

No I didn't but the whole thing was pretty obvious and one particular friend actually separately messaged me a jokey apology.

Did they definitely know it was your birthday? If so and if the norm is to organise for others then dump them. If not, tell them now and see if they suggest doing something.

Just for a bit of perspective maybe they genuinely just forgot. If you’re birthday was in December it’s very hectic on the run up to Xmas plus Covid restrictions were changing, omicron was rife ….. honestly from mid December I was exhausted, my dd brought Covid home from Uni so we all had to isolate for ten days. I just wanted to scream.

My birthday happens at a crap time too and I used to get upset when folk never remembered but they genuinely had forgotten, it wasn’t coz they didn’t like me

Friends are supposed to enhance your life.

Friends don’t make you unhappy or cause you to feel you are of no value to them.

These people aren’t your friends if they don’t think as much of you as you do of them.

Their behaviour is at best thoughtless. Worst? Bloody nasty.

That’s really horrible. I’d be feeling so hurt in your shoes OP. I’d also go for the quiet fade out from the chat and further socials. You’ll find it liberating in time. Life is too short for fake friends!

I got birthday texts so they didn't forget. I don't think they are spiteful, I just really don't think they care!

Ok, yeah they're not pleasant then.

Not a birthday, but I had some friends make it clear at some stage that it was too much hassle to prioritise me. I don't see them now, it's not worth my time.

People know what they're doing & this is no way to treat a friend!
I'm absolutely through with trying to think of excuses for people who treat others so badly.
Definitely distance yourself & put energy into new friendships, you deserve so much more.
They'll know why.

Who organised the last birthday before yours? The birthday girl or others? I too think I would distance myself. They sound really inconsiderate.

Are they jealous of you OP? Do you have what they want?
Whatever, they sound awful and you can do so much better than them.

If all they did was text you, and then not do the fuss that the rest of the group get they are being deliberately spiteful. Have they treated you this way before on your birthday? I would take a step back from them and see what happens.

Op that is a horrible way to treat a friend especially when they went out the night before. I would move on make new friends

But, does the birthday person suggest a meal for their bday? Perhaps they bring it up or initiate organising it