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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t face seeing my anti vax friend. AIBU

38 replies

IloveConkers · 17/01/2022 18:13

For background she is a very old friend who lives in another country. We went through a lot together. Lived together in the past. I haven’t seen her for two years and she now wants to visit. She is a passionate anitivaxxer. I have a vulnerable family member. I have a massive problem with the fact she spreads misinformation on a daily basis on social media from dubious sources. I feel like I can’t face seeing her. AIBU?

OP posts:
Tumbleweed101 · 17/01/2022 18:17

On the basis everyone I know who has been vaxxed currently has covid I don't think it's worth falling out over. If vaccines worked 100% then might be different. This will pass and we will all need our friends then.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/01/2022 18:19

Yanbu

I’m happy to see friends who haven’t been vaxxed (but I know my friends are reasonably careful tbh) but wouldn’t be happy to see someone who spouted nonsense about it all the time.

CozyCushion · 17/01/2022 18:20

I know what you mean OP, we have a family friend and their daughter also down that anti vax rabbit hole. I can’t offer solutions, we have not found any either.

WabbitsAndWeasels · 17/01/2022 18:21

I think at the moment there's relatively new things we have control over. You can't control everyone you meet and see but you can choose not to meet up with someone if you don't want to. It's sounds like there's more to this than just her vaccination status but also how she's behaving more generally.

I wouldn't meet up with a friend who had started spouting misinformation and outright lies all over social media. There's no reason to believe she wouldn't do this in person and I wouldn't have it in me to remain pleasant and calm in the face of this.

SeaWitchly · 17/01/2022 18:23

It depends.
I 'had' a friend who was a passionate anti-vaxxer. I was prepared to listen to her views but not happy to be harped at constantly and told I was a sheep [for being vaccinated], that I needed to 'educate myself' [listen to her sources on Youtube] and engage in lengthy discussion about the dangers of mRNA and the shadowy cartel 'who are trying to reset the economy and bump off half the population via the covid vaccine'. Said friend stayed with us for 3 months whilst in the midst of a long-distance move and we haven't spoken since she moved out. There were other issues, it wasn't all just anti-vaxxer propaganda that put the nail in the coffin of our friendship but it definitely was a major aspect.

lljkk · 17/01/2022 18:25

I have an opposite problem... a friend who never stops worrying about Covid & I haven't the heart to tell her I never LFT. It's so much easier to just not meet up very often & hope she never asks.

EmmaH2022 · 17/01/2022 18:25

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Yanbu

I’m happy to see friends who haven’t been vaxxed (but I know my friends are reasonably careful tbh) but wouldn’t be happy to see someone who spouted nonsense about it all the time.

This I am fully vaccinated but I don't harp on about it

I'm willing to accept different views. I'm not willing to listen to people go on endlessly about that or any other thing, I guess.

AndItDoesntSeemToMatter · 17/01/2022 18:25

Yeah it's not the refusal to have the vaccine that would bother me, I haven't had it either. It's the ramming opinions down everyone's throat that would piss me off. Have it or don't have it, but let other people make their own choice and let them live their lives in peace.

myyellowcar · 17/01/2022 18:26

I think YANBU. If she’s the type where it wouldn’t crop up in conversation and she probably wouldn’t also shoehorn it in then I might. But these types usually get a kick out of ‘educating sheeple’. On that basis I’d avoid until further notice.

EmmaH2022 · 17/01/2022 18:26

@lljkk

I have an opposite problem... a friend who never stops worrying about Covid & I haven't the heart to tell her I never LFT. It's so much easier to just not meet up very often & hope she never asks.
That would drive me nuts too
WorriedGiraffe · 17/01/2022 18:28

I don’t see why you having a vulnerable family member makes her being an anti vaxxer worse. I don’t no anyone personally who isn’t vaccinated, but I also don’t no anyone who hasn’t had covid, so it’s not like she’s more likely to catch and pass on the virus to you, she’s only affecting her own survival chances. If you still consider her a friend I think YABU, you don’t have to agree on everything. If you feel like your friendship is over though I don’t blame you for that either, vaccines are a very emotive subject at the min and some people just can’t see past it.

MisgenderedSwan · 17/01/2022 18:29

Vaxxed or not is not my problem - spouting nonsense is. I can't abide people who say shit like 'I've done my research' (watched YouTube) 'it's a conspiracy' (no, it's not) 'sheeple' (stupid word). They can all get in the bin.

A coffee shop near me has unvaxxed owners. That I don't mind but the constant outpouring of anti-vax bile they spew means I won't go there anymore.

Georgeskitchen · 17/01/2022 18:36

@AndItDoesntSeemToMatter

Yeah it's not the refusal to have the vaccine that would bother me, I haven't had it either. It's the ramming opinions down everyone's throat that would piss me off. Have it or don't have it, but let other people make their own choice and let them live their lives in peace.
Exactly this!!!😡
curlymom · 17/01/2022 18:48

YANBU. I have a friend like this too tutting at me and the family for getting a vaccine. You see she got covid and came out of it fine and we hear it again and again.
I wouldn’t fall out over it but I would just change the subject if she brings it up. It’s gotten tiresome anyway

Thinkbiglittleone · 17/01/2022 18:54

Ohhh you are not being unreasonable at all.
I would not be able to put up with listening to all the antivax nonsense, it is incredibly frustrating.

I would not be inviting them to our home and (if I were on it) I would be muting them on any social media so I don't see the drivel they post that would wind me up.

Esspee · 17/01/2022 18:56

@lljkk

I have an opposite problem... a friend who never stops worrying about Covid & I haven't the heart to tell her I never LFT. It's so much easier to just not meet up very often & hope she never asks.
It is trying when people drone on about their fear but you are being unreasonable in not doing LFT tests before meeting her when you know that catching covid would be immensely stressful for her. You're not being a friend to her.
ilovesooty · 17/01/2022 18:58

I'd not want to have a vocal antivaxxer in my social circle and I'd un follow her on social media as well, so on that basis yanbu.

Minecraftlover · 17/01/2022 19:00

It depends on how she is. Simply chosen not to have covid vaccines? Non issue. Trying to persuade others not to have them, or vaccines in general? Big issue. I have not had covid vaccines but am not against vaccines, I do not try to persuade others not to take them, in fact I don't even speak to friends about it really other than when they've asked me, and I've answered. I think it all depends on context, if she's a good friend she won't make an issue out of it. If she brings it up and makes it an issue then she's not a friend worth having anyway. One of my best friends is a carer triple vaxxed and we have never had any tension or issues. We respect eachother and our choices X

Minecraftlover · 17/01/2022 19:06

Just reread your post and I guess the social media stuff makes it seem she is that type of person. I would avoid tbh it will just lead to arguments, it's not the opinion that's the problem it's forcing it on others.

Lolamento · 17/01/2022 19:10

@Tumbleweed101

On the basis everyone I know who has been vaxxed currently has covid I don't think it's worth falling out over. If vaccines worked 100% then might be different. This will pass and we will all need our friends then.
This
WeAllHaveWings · 17/01/2022 19:12

I am pro-vaccine, pro-vaccine certificates etc.

But you do know that vaccines do not prevent people catching covid? It reduces the severity of the symptoms. It is not clear if it slightly reduces transmission, looking at UK stats I personally have assumed for my own decisions it does not.

So whole the point of doing your bit and getting the vaccine is for us all to reduce the risk of severe illness if/when we get it and then reduce the subsequent pressure on the NHS leaving capacity for those that do need potentially life saving treatments (covid or others such as cancers).

So, the risk of transmission is probably not any more that someone who is vaccinated. You could ask her to do a LFT. Saying that I wouldn't want to meet with a selfish covid denying passionate anti-vaxxer for other reasons. Thankfully I do not know a single person in RL who is of that ilk.

A580Hojas · 17/01/2022 19:16

Yanbu. I think there are major things you can be so fundamentally opposite on (even very old good friends) that you don't have to compromise.

amylou8 · 17/01/2022 19:17

YABU reasonable to care that she hasn't had a vaccine. YANBU to not want to listen to her harping on about it.

Superhanz · 17/01/2022 19:18

I have no real issues with people aren't vaccinated, however I have a massive problem with fucking anti vaxxers. YANBU

A580Hojas · 17/01/2022 19:18

I don't think I know anyone who hasn't had the vaccine. Am I unusual?