AIBU to think Narc has become a very very overused 'diagnosis' on MN?

[NCforsafety]

Just that really. I was browsing earlier and saw three separate threads where people (I assume with no training on diagnosis of mental health disorders) are talking about others in their lives and describing them as Narcs.
Being selfish and self absorbed does not make you a narc - it just makes you a selfish and self absorbed person.

'Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.'

'It’s common to label people considered self-centred or egotistical as a narcissist. But what exactly is narcissism? How common is narcissism? And how do we know when someone is living with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?

Narcissism is more than a personality disorder. It is believed to be a healthy developmental process in childhood, which exists in people from normal to clinical levels.

Most, if not all, of us demonstrate narcissistic tendencies over time. However, NPD is relatively rare. The estimated prevalence of NPD in the community is around 1%, although some studies say up to 6%. The data on NPD is inconclusive about whether this diagnosis is more common in men than women.'

YABU - users of MN are able to diagnose this and it is more prevalent than medical experts would have us believe
YANBU - it's a massively overused term on MN

I was just thinking this the other day. YANBU

Narc, empath, OCD, controlling, social. anxiety - all massively overused on MN

Agreed, and often used alongside "on the spectrum". The irony being that NPD and ASD are as far apart as can be.

Both of your options are true! I think many of us have lived in abusive relationships of all kinds (spousal/parental) and have done our research and have valid reasons to believe people in our lives have NPD. It IS underdiagnosed because narcissists are unlikely to think they're in need of therapy and seek treatment.

I also think it is overused in the way you suggest.

Yeah, I’d never heard the term (as a ‘condition’) till I came on here. Same with ‘limerance’ - didn’t we just used to call that fancying someone?

Meh!

Lots of things are over used, diagnosed here. Narc, ADHD, alzheimers and more.

Narc as shorthand to describe a determinedly selfish person, probably OK. The others, not so much.

My DF is one. No diagnosis, why would he get one? He thinks he is a lovely, warm, open hearted, generous man. And many people think the same. DSis and I, however, know just how much of a scheming thief, liar and con man he is. But all of his 'thefts' have been because he deserved something, had been a paragon of virtue, an indispensable help. So he has deserved, even earned, every single penny he has ever conned.

Am I wrong to label him a Narc?

You're 100% right. You see it on almost every thread where someone's moaning about a selfish partner.

See also: selfish, controlling, abusing, OCD, 'on the spectrum', undiagnosed bipolar, bully

I've never agreed that it's only 1%. I worked in CP and that's when adults would start to get diagnosed because there was harm/neglect towards their children. Our services tend to go with a PD, rather than specify. Just like child abuse/sexual crimes etc I think historicaly, it's been a neglected area.
I've met lots of people, during my working life and personal who fit the full description. The lack of empathy has been chilling. They also had the other aspects.
Although there is a body of psychiatry that thinks most PDs/MH issues don't exist, they are all part of human nature. Watching human behaviour could make you think that truly nice people are the strange 1%.

"controlling, abusing", you don't need to be an expert to diagnose those. We've let them go for far too long.

Yanbu.
I also think the same about anxiety. Being anxious does not = anxiety!

If someone is not behaving well etc then people pipe up with they must have bpd! There are many amateur psychiatrists on here!

@Ponoka7

"controlling, abusing", you don't need to be an expert to diagnose those. We've let them go for far too long.

No but certain posters will find a reason to call someone abusive or controlling on every thread with no basis to do so.

Not sure really. I think it's just a short cut for Narc traits. I mean we know that most people aren't going to get a diagnosis but there's plenty out who display behaviours and traits that are associated with that kind of disorder even if not enough for them to fit the profile completely.

Really interesting perspectives - thank you for replying. I clearly do think it's overused (or I guess I would not have posed the question) along with some other terms mentioned in replies.

And ditto @ChrissyPlumber re limerance!!!!
@girlmom21 - couldn't agree more. Although I also agree with @Ponaka7 that controlling and abusing don't need a diagnosis. (However they only seem to be accepted on MN when referring to men. The concept of women being controlling and abusive seems unaccepted by many of the MN crowd despite the law saying differently.)

Well the true narcissists aren't exactly lining up for treatment are they? We've all known or lived with someone who is very clearly a narcissist and I think it's fair to call someone a narcissist who obviously exhibits those traits. I know one person I can confidently call a narcissist, I really doubt she has a diagnosis. Some people do overuse the word but I don't really see people trying to use it as a MH diagnosis, more as a description of that type of person. The people on here who overuse the word are the same to suggest someone being "on the spectrum" when they've been an arse, to jump to LTB based on the smallest of arguments, etc. I think those posters all attended the same drama school.

Yes to all the above.

MN is a relatively quick-response internet-based social media forum. It’s bound to be mostly reductive, sensational, gossip. Just like people tend to be 🤷‍♀️

Not just on mn it's overused in life at the moment

The concept of women being controlling and abusive seems unaccepted by many of the MN crowd despite the law saying differently.

I'd say that MN posters stating that they find a woman's description of [perfectly ordinary thing] to be a red flag for how controlling she is seems as common as the same posters responding to an OP to tell her she sounds like hard work.

YANBU
So much armchair diagnosing on here.

@EmbarrassingHadrosaurus

The concept of women being controlling and abusive seems unaccepted by many of the MN crowd despite the law saying differently.

I'd say that MN posters stating that they find a woman's description of [perfectly ordinary thing] to be a red flag for how controlling she is seems as common as the same posters responding to an OP to tell her she sounds like hard work.

Fair point.

@Enko

Not just on mn it's overused in life at the moment

I totally agree

While many people have narcissitic traits (in fact we all have some!) that is very different to NPD

It's wildly overused, but if someone has badly hurt you then it is human nature to find it more comforting to think it may be due to an innate characteristic beyond their conscious control than to think it's because they hurt you on purpose and don't give a shit.

The problem is that narcs rarely get diagnosed because of course they won't believe that it's them with the problem, they will blame any and everyone else for everything. A narc simply doesn't have the self esteem to cope with the fact that there's something wrong with them.

I would imagine as a disorder it is hugely under undiagnosed. I have no idea if it's an over used term on MN, quite possibly, but the idea that people can't possibly recognise the traits and be right a lot of the time is absurd IMO.

I wrote pages and pages to get my son diagnosed with ASD, he was diagnosed in half an hour. If you really read up on a condition you can certainly have a good idea if someone has it or not - if they tick all the boxes and you can give concrete examples then chances are they do. Often a diagnosis is about having the right evidence to present - without it the person may have any of these type of conditions but there might not be enough evidence to get a diagnosis. People are often not diagnosed with a condition they have because there isn't the evidence (particularly with ASD for example) they may be misdiagnosed (many women are first diagnosed with PND for example) or are diagnosed at a later date (often with children as it becomes more obvious as they get older).

Of course there will always be people who hear a term bandied about and then use it themselves, but the idea that no one can have any idea if some has ASD, a personality disorder, OCD, or social anxiety unless they have got a diagnosis is ridiculous. Read up on the condition and you'll learn all the signs. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck then it probably is a duck.

A narc simply doesn't have the self esteem to cope with the fact that there's something wrong with them.

but the idea that people can't possibly recognise the traits and be right a lot of the time is absurd IMO.

If you really read up on a condition you can certainly have a good idea if someone has it or not - if they tick all the boxes and you can give concrete examples then chances are they do. Often a diagnosis is about having the right evidence to present - without it the person may have any of these type of conditions but there might not be enough evidence to get a diagnosis.

Of course there will always be people who hear a term bandied about and then use it themselves, but the idea that no one can have any idea if some has ASD, a personality disorder, OCD, or social anxiety unless they have got a diagnosis is ridiculous. Read up on the condition and you'll learn all the signs. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck then it probably is a duck.

I mostly agree with the OP (love the username byw) - everything is overused on MN and that includes Narc! I also like that you mentioned we all have some narc tendencies (Most people would hate this because they'd prefer to only point fingers at others).

Also re the above quoted post from Tal45's, I agree with every single word and I could've written them many times on MN if only I had the words.

I had similar to you with mine and my child's condition as well as other medical issues I had.