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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset he text his ex?

64 replies

buttercrinkle · 16/01/2022 20:28

DP and I had a big drunken argument three weeks ago and ended up breaking up in the moment. It was stupid and totally out of character and by the afternoon it was all sorted.

I was on his phone in front of him today and came across his ex in his recent messages, and another woman who is a female friend of his.

He admitted he had woke up after our break up and wanted some "cheap easy sec" and validation as he was devastated and messaged this ex and female friend for sex.

He has previously assured me this female friend was nothing but a friend and he wasn't attracted to her.

His ex he claims isn't his ex, but they were exclusively sleeping together/seeing each other for a few months with feelings involved.

He says he hasn't told me as he put it off as he was too nervous and never got round to doing it.

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 16/01/2022 21:21

Of course you have a right to be upset! You didn’t even break up for a day and he tried to fuck someone else.

He’s disgusting.

GrandmasCat · 16/01/2022 21:22

You have a right to be upset, unless he was paying for sex, I don’t expect he could have called these “friends” for sex so easily if he had not been maintaining the friendships/expectations in a way that he could feel confident he was going to get sex from them if he only called for it.

He has been involved with them throughout.

Willyoujustbequiet · 16/01/2022 21:23

He's gaslighting you.

You'll never be able to have an argument without you thinking he will do the same again. You mean nothing to him. You're worth more and you know it.

Yebbie · 16/01/2022 21:26

The fact he has people lined up in his mind that he acts on this quickly after breaking up is a red flag in itself, he has not just one back up plan but two. I wouldn't waste your time to be honest

1FootInTheRave · 16/01/2022 21:26

Get some self respect.

If they'd have been keen he'd have fucked someone else because you had an argument.

Or maybe it's justification because he wants to fuck them.

stmw123 · 16/01/2022 21:29

Trust is gone.

I love my partner very much and he loves me, if we broke up he'd be devastated, as would I. Neither of us would do that to the other, drunken breakup or not.

His first thought after an argument is cheap sex with an ex or some other girl you're supposed to trust him with?

He doesn't value you at all, I'm so sorry.

If it doesn't happen now after he's shown you who he really is, you'll waste more weeks/months of your life and he'll show you again and again why you should have ended it after this incident and you'll regret wasting your time when you could be moving on with someone who truly loves and appreciates you.

ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 16/01/2022 21:30

You haven't drunker rows and break ups?

You go through his phone?

He wants to shag his mate?

He claims that proves how sad he was about your break up?

This is all pretty pathetic isn't it, really? This isn't a grown up, normal relationship.

It's dramaville.

stmw123 · 16/01/2022 21:30

How old are you both?

Chloemol · 16/01/2022 21:32

Yes, because within two minutes of ‘breaking up’ he has moved on

Which means he was not upset and actually doesn’t think much of you

Dump you deserve better

Original poster
buttercrinkle · 16/01/2022 21:33

@ItsAllAboutTheLighting

You haven't drunker rows and break ups?

You go through his phone?

He wants to shag his mate?

He claims that proves how sad he was about your break up?

This is all pretty pathetic isn't it, really? This isn't a grown up, normal relationship.

It's dramaville.

It was out of character for us, nothing like that had happened before. I also don't go through his phone, I was using his phone in front of him.
OP posts:
ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 16/01/2022 21:38

You were going through his phone.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/01/2022 21:43

Why on earth would you want to be with someone who uses women in this way? What a horrible horrible thing to do to someone. It doesn't matter that it wasn't you, it matters that he's shown how selfish and misogynistic he is.

Scrabblecrabapple · 16/01/2022 21:44

I should've added he didn't actually have sex with them

Cause he said? That’s what they all say.

KiloWhat · 16/01/2022 21:44

Doesn't matter that you looked at his phone. Don't let him try and turn this onto you.

Sprucewillis · 16/01/2022 21:50

Thank you, next. His reaction to the argument/split wasn't to fix things or to grieve the relationship. He doesn't really care that much about you.

What happens if you have another argument?

He moved on, on the same day. I think you should too. Good job you checked his phone so you know who you are dealing with now.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/01/2022 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WonderfulYou · 16/01/2022 21:55

YANBU is she going to text someone for a shag every time you have a disagreement? Are you going to be walking on egg shells knowing if you argue he’ll probably cheat on you?

Original poster
buttercrinkle · 16/01/2022 21:56

Thank you. We live quite a way apart at the moment and he is currently driving home. I don't know what to do or say.

OP posts:
Honey83 · 16/01/2022 21:56

Well the only reason he didn't have sex with them was because you got back together the same day Hmm And still in that short time he was lining other women up.

If my partner's first reaction from our argument was to contact his f*ck buddy for cheap sex, I would be devastated. I wouldn't even be able to look at him. End of.

Cocomarine · 16/01/2022 22:00

@ANameChangeAgain

You had only broken up for a few hours yet his dick started to twitch. Get rid.
Could not say it better. Devastated and needed validation my arse. He just thought, “wey hey, let’s get me a new fuck.”

I mean “you were on a break” so it’s not wrong of him. Just not the personality I’d choose in my life partner 🤷🏻‍♀️

Imissmoominmama · 16/01/2022 22:02

The only reason he didn’t shag them is because nobody wants to be ‘cheap easy sex’.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I think you’ve dodged a bullet there.

DrManhattan · 16/01/2022 22:06

He sounds like a right catch

Cocomarine · 16/01/2022 22:08

I love that his reason for not fucking them was because he realised it was stupid and regretted it. So that’s not because he got back with you literally hours later then?

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2022 22:10

He admitted he had woke up after our break up and wanted some "cheap easy sec" and validation as he was devastated and messaged this ex and female friend for sex.

How can you possibly be with a scumbag like this? Why are your standards so low? Raise the bar.

Westerman · 16/01/2022 22:17

He doesn't think much of women, other than as providers of some consoling sex, does he? In your boat, I'd be seriously reconsidering this relationship.