To consider giving up work?

[CurrantBum]

I have 4dcs, eldest is 8 and youngest not yet 2. When my eldest was born, I gave up my full time job and started retraining and working very part time (few hours a month to cover discretionary spend).

About 18 months ago I was offered a full time job, decent enough salary, nice work related to what I had retrained for. Since then I've been promoted and am now managing a team of 10, where I am expected to take responsibility for everyone else's performance, as well as other duties. It's a very full-on job with a lot of expectation, and very demanding hours-wise. My team are nice but I've become increasingly frustrated with the excessive workload and hours (often working until it's time for the kids to go to bed so I don't get any time with them). I'm often stressed and miss spending time with my family.

We're not strapped for the cash, DH has an ok paying job, and actually once we've factored in the astronomical cost of childcare, were only about 150 better off per week. However, this job is a great opportunity for my career.

I'm withered from it though and half of me just wants to go back to how things were. There isn't any option for part time work in my currant position. Aibu to consider giving it up?

I think it would be a mistake to give it up. Childcare costs aren't forever. Imagine how much better off you'll be when you're no longer paying Childcare.

Should have said, these feelings have been exacerbated by certain situations like when I got covid before xmas, there were a few big things/projects happening at work and I had to continue to work from home to ensure that everything got done, despite being very unwell. This is partly due to the fact that there is nobody else at work who can do my exact duties.

Yes mycat I will be better off money wise, which will be great, but I will still have as little time with my family and will still be under the same amount of stress unfortunately. I currently work an average of 10-12 hours each day.

Do you earn more than your DH? Could he go part time?

You’ll never get this time back and it sounds as though you’ve already made your mind up. I reckon you should just be a SAHM for a bit and pick it up again in 3-4 years.

If you can afford to give it up and not be worrying about money, then I personally would think that was the way to go. Spend time with your children whilst they are little and still want to. Could you maybe get an unrelated part time job again for a bit of extra spending money if needed.

I know how you feel , my job should only ne 45 hrs pw but is often more than that , and I resent it a lot !
I know you said there is no part time opportunity's but have you asked about thing's like job sharing , compressed hours( I accept that may not be practical ) can you deputise to another member of the team even if its just to look after things like holiday booking , small projects , answering emails from xyz etc

Can you ask for a demotion and go part time at a lower level?

I would to be honest.

Yes, there may be other solutions but ultimately you want to spend more time with your children which is perfectly legitimate.

I'd keep a look out for pt lower level job with less commitments. Then you can always up hours and move up again when your ready

classic nope my husband earns more than me (but gets to finish at 530pm every day and leave his work at the office). He earns around £70k, and this should continue to increase. I earn around £40k. My earning potential is increasing and I am in line for further promotion and pay increase, but this will entail even more responsibilities I think.

Are any of your team good / ready for next step up? Many jobs Will consider a job share that won’t consider part time. Can you pitch to your boss that you go down to 3 days and good person does 3 days in their job plus 2 in yours? A kind of stepping stone promotion for them...

I’d advise looking for another job with more family friendly hours and applying for them. Much better to move from one job to another than have a break in employment. I also had a demanding career, I am a single parent with one child and made the decision to naive to a less demanding job.
It isn’t what I trained for but it gives me the work life balance I need and keeps the bills paid. You do what is best for you and the family.

Move not naive!

Rather than asking for a demotion (!) or quitting, whats stopping you from working your hours only? Don't do free overtime at the expense of time with your kids if that's what you'd prefer.

Can you discuss options with the company..you have nothing to lose.

It’s really hard OP. I have 4 DC who are young adults/older teens now.
We have juggled 2 big jobs with raising the kids and running a house. Absolutely exhausting and amazing at same time.

I took a career break briefly and have worked various hours from 2 days a week to full time. I don’t regret the time I spent with them but now I’m coming up towards pension age I have noticed that it’s only women who are wrestling with working out part time pensions. All my male colleagues know roughly what to expect because they worked full time so their pensions didn’t take a hit.

Of course you need to prioritise everyone’s well-being now but under tens are much cheaper than teens and students. Also I wanted my kids to see that my career mattered as much as their dad’s. That may not be important at the moment in the full on chaos of a lovely houseful of small kids. Good luck with finding the right balance for you.

I agree with @Forrandomposts. If you are going to quit, why not simply have a go at radically changing things round? Delegate more to your team. Let things fail, a bit, when you have to. Spend your time managing not doing.

A good way to make that happen is to announce you have a commitment every day at 5.30pm, so you literally cannot do overtime.

You've nothing to lose by trying. And I absolutely 100% agree with you that you don't want to miss your kids' childhoods, that's such a waste and you WILL regret it. Just for a stupid job.

But I definitely would try a radical new approach before simply quitting. This has worked for me once or twice in my career and it's eye-opening, you really can make a change to your work behaviour, and in fact no one can actually stop you! Good luck.

YANBU. Presuming it’s a job you can get back into again at a later date, why not take a break. You reply get these times with your children back again. A job is just a job and you’ll have time to focus on it later.

Onlya £150pw better off?

Is that a typo because thats a reasonable amount after all costs? Did you mean a month?

150 PW better off after paying childcare, not taking any other expenses into account. That might sound like a reasonable amount, but the whole point of my post is that I'm working 60-70 hours per week in a stressful job that means I rarely see my children, when technically we could manage ok on DHs salary. Childcare eats up more than two thirds of my earnings (though I know it's a joint expense, I'm just saying what it accounts for in comparison to what I earn).

I know that a lot of women go back to work and make a loss while paying childcare because they can't afford not to work in the long term. Luckily we're not in that situation. But yes, my career will potentially take a hit if I go back to being a sahm for the next few years.

Unfortunately due to the nature of my work, I can't just say that I'm off at 530pm, as it would mean that I would miss important things, and also, the work would just not get done, and I would have a bigger mountain to content with the next day.

The more I think about it and write it down, the more I realise that the problem lies with my company and what I actually need to do is look for a different job

Quit! You must hardly see your children (or husband!) doing those hours.

Those are incredibly long hours for 40k per week! I don’t think that job is worth it.

Can you speak to someone about the fact you’re forever working over and above your hours?