To consider giving up work?

[CurrantBum]

I have 4dcs, eldest is 8 and youngest not yet 2. When my eldest was born, I gave up my full time job and started retraining and working very part time (few hours a month to cover discretionary spend).

About 18 months ago I was offered a full time job, decent enough salary, nice work related to what I had retrained for. Since then I've been promoted and am now managing a team of 10, where I am expected to take responsibility for everyone else's performance, as well as other duties. It's a very full-on job with a lot of expectation, and very demanding hours-wise. My team are nice but I've become increasingly frustrated with the excessive workload and hours (often working until it's time for the kids to go to bed so I don't get any time with them). I'm often stressed and miss spending time with my family.

We're not strapped for the cash, DH has an ok paying job, and actually once we've factored in the astronomical cost of childcare, were only about 150 better off per week. However, this job is a great opportunity for my career.

I'm withered from it though and half of me just wants to go back to how things were. There isn't any option for part time work in my currant position. Aibu to consider giving it up?

If you can take the financials of it then go for it. You can pick up work later on, it might take a bit of time to do so but you’ll get there. You don’t get the time back with your family, you can make up for career later on.

What important things do you miss after 5,30pm? Is it an international job? Can you break between 4pm and 6pm so you can have tea with the kids then resume work for a few hours later?

Well then Yes OP, find another job. £40k is not enough compensation to entirely miss out on seeing your kids every single day.

Nevertheless I would be booking a conversation with your managers saying the job is not compatible with family life, and telling them they need to find someone else to cover the work from 5,30 pm onwards as you just can’t do it anymore. Start job hunting right away.

Sorry but £40k for a stressful job 10 hours a day with 4 children at home is a ‘no’ from me.

The reality is I don’t think we can have everything. Something has to give.

I had to accept that my career will stay as is for a while as I have two children with ASD.

What do you do? Are there part time opportunities in a different company?

It would be foolish to resign without even trying to fix the issue.

Speak to your boss - explain your workload is unsustainable and can you have a 121 to discuss ways it could be addressed

Make a list of all the small things that could be delegated and that over the course of a week would free up a significant amount of time

Keep a log of what you’re spending your time on and label tasks as managing or doing - which ones should be passed on

If it’s a recent promotion are you still hanging to elements of your old job - why?

By all means if none of the above can be fixed, move on but it’s rarely as easy as ‘coming back to it in 2-3 years time’ if you’ve not worked during that time

@CurrantBum

Unfortunately due to the nature of my work, I can't just say that I'm off at 530pm, as it would mean that I would miss important things, and also, the work would just not get done, and I would have a bigger mountain to content with the next day.

The more I think about it and write it down, the more I realise that the problem lies with my company and what I actually need to do is look for a different job

I think you have figured it out! The choice doesn’t have to be between 10-12h days on one hand, or p/t with a demotion and no career prospects on the other.

A stressful job with long working hours over five years eventually ruined my health.. I am still suffering and struggling with bad health 10 years later and would give almost anything to have walked away when I first felt "withered" as you put it OP.. Its not lost on me that I'm half the mum I could have been as a result of sticking it out for too long. Obviously I can't predict the same will happen for you but it definitely happened to me so maybe worth mentioning. I wish I could go back in time, give my former self a shake and tell me to listen to my body and gut instincts.

Of course it's just my take.. Best of luck whatever you decide :) x

Sounds like you're good at your job but the work load isn't sustainable. I'd look for the same type of role but at a different company, hopefully with a payrise too. And if your current employer doesn't want to lose you, say you'll go to 4 days but stay at your current salary.

It's worth pushing back in your management and saying "I don't have time for everything you've asked so what can wait/what can I hand back, I have obviously delegated everything possible already"

Start a culture change whilst you job hunt.

Yes unfortunately my work involves an international team so I would definitely miss important things if I clocked out full stop at 530pm.

Ok so the general consensus is to push back on the workload, but also keep an eye open for more suitable opportunities. I would love to do a 4 day week but unfortunately that wouldn't be possible either.

walk sorry to hear your health has been so negatively impacted, this is one of my biggest fears

More than half of my team are spread across Australia/APAC time zone

Are you effectively delegating down? With a team of ten, you should be focusing on meetings and decisions to make then delegating all actions down to your team for them to implement/ respond on.

Would it be easier to start later in the day then? Do you WFH or office based?

I think @OnTheHillNotOverIt makes an excellent point about your children seeing your career mattering too. By extension, I think they'll learn that you matter as a person, not just as a mum. I had a stay at home mum and will absolutely not be one because for me it wasn't a positive experience.

Unfortunately it does sound like you need to work somewhere else instead, plenty of jobs are not like that. If that fails, you may find more of the balance comes with another step up as you're more able to push back (as you've seen with your husband).

I always think they are only young once and if you feel like this you might regret the time away?

That's a tough decision.
I can see why you want to step back and I probably would too in your position.
But, I would speak seriously to your employer before doing anything, even if your mind is made up to go.
You can stress it is just the position with them being small but that you enjoy the work/ company etc.
See if there are any ways to keep your hand in as freelance to support the odd big project, emergency cover, whatever it might be.
Some kind of hand in will make a difference to your longer term prospects

OP,

It sounds like you are actually very poorly paid.

40k for up to 70 hours a week?

Not good money at all.

Sounds like you are being screwed by your employer.

Being sick and having to work?

Nope.

I would immediately start looking for another job.

Your hours are ridiculous and your employers problem if you are ill is not yours.

You are being screwed.

Push back.

Hard.

If you can afford it, give up work and spend this precious time with your children