What age do you drop off your child to a party?

[MrsBean2021]

My DC6 has been invited to a party.

I'm a bit recluant to go as I've fallen out with another mum in the same class as DC and just want to avoid her at all costs as I have severe anxiety. (She talked about me behind my back, slagged off other parents and their children to me and now is their "bestie" all pathetic drama bs I can't be bothered with.)

Would I be okay to drop him off to the party and collect him later? Or should I ask the parent of the party child first? I'm not sure what the correct thing is. 😂

Oh no that’s crap isn’t it. Mine are too young to be left as under two but I think six is fine to be honest, assuming it’s ok with the other mum! I mean at school going age, and I know teachers do it for a living and have experience ect but they have them an entire school day really. I guess it’s an individual thing but I used to coach kids and i had about twenty four to five year olds alone for the hour and didn’t mind so I would think it’s ok, especially that you don’t fancy staying! Maybe some other parents will be hanging out there so it’s not like you would be needed!

Where is it? Someone's house... they generally want you gone. Open softplay? Better to stay.

Depends on the type of party and age of child. A party at home with tea and games, age four - unless you get there and realise it’s not a suitable environment. One party I took DD to, the parents were smoking weed, playing loud non-children music, and the kids were encouraged to play outside several floors below unsupervised.

He's 6. Can't you just hold your head up high and be there for him? You don't have to speak to the other mum, just keep on the opposite side of the room. I attended a party a few months ago with someone I can't stand in attendance. I said hello to everyone but made sure I stayed the hell away from her. I was there for my son and ended up having a good time talking to others. If it's not a drop off party (which would have been mentioned in the invitation) don't drop him off. You'll probably be judged more because of it.

I was going to say at about 6 depending on the child and party location. Soft play, I'd stay. Church hall or house and a confident child...I'd drop

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Where is it? Someone's house... they generally want you gone. Open softplay? Better to stay.

Hall.

I really don't want to go and face the person as I know I'll be sat in the corner on my tod while they whisper away but don't want DC to miss out. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'll have to brave it won't I.

Depends on the party in a hall exclusive to them or house fine to drop, soft play not so much.
I was at a soft play party once and we couldnt find a wee boy didn't help that no one knew what he looked like.
Though I understand your anxiety I would be the same.

I think 6 is absolutely fine, so long your child is happy. But I would check with the host first. Ps I've done two softplay parties this weekend - one I sat and chatted with a couple of parents, the other one I got myself a cup of tea and sat unashamedly by myself on my phone. There were several parents doing the same, it's not a weird antisocial thing to do these days.

6 is absolutely fine. I think usually around the time they start school is ok - maybe not reception, but from year 1. I was always glad when parents didn't hang around to be honest. I'd message the parent organising and say you've got an appointment at the same time, is it ok to drop and run.

Could you rope in another parent to watch your son? So you drop, but say to the host ‘I can’t stay, but xx will be watching him and will sort out any problems’? That’s what I did when I had younger children who I couldn’t take etc.

I think it depends on how many kids too at that age. If it’s a small party, it’s probably fine to drop and run as long as you let the host know. If there are 30 kids, it’d be very unfair to assume host parents are responsible for them all I think. Best to check with birthday child parent.

But really, ‘falling out’ with another parent and avoiding a child party because if it sounds very childish TBH.

Or, as PP suggests - ask another parent (in advance) if they can watch your one.

I would leave at 6 if child happy to be left

@purplemunkey

I think it depends on how many kids too at that age. If it’s a small party, it’s probably fine to drop and run as long as you let the host know. If there are 30 kids, it’d be very unfair to assume host parents are responsible for them all I think. Best to check with birthday child parent.

But really, ‘falling out’ with another parent and avoiding a child party because if it sounds very childish TBH.

I know it's childish and usually I wouldn't care but I'm off my aniexty medication right now and it's very severe. Usually I don't leave the house without my carer!

I think it depends on your child and if the party host is happy. If your child is likely to get anxious or over excited and naughty then you'll have to stay. You really shouldn't let an argument you've had negatively impact your child.

Sod it I'll stay. I'll just stay on mumsnet or watch DS. 🙈

He's due to change schools in September term so it's not like any of it will matter in a few months (nothing to do with that parent before anyone says anything it's a long story). Long as DS is happy that's all that matters to me.

I would have stayed with my eldest at that age, but by the time it came to my third, I dropped off and collected (as I knew he'd be fine and wouldn't need me there). If you don't know the parents well, I'd message and ask if it's ok to drop off or if they want you to stay.

If they do want you to stay, just bring a book or be on your phone the whole time and ignore the other mum. Good luck as that's a horrible situation, so I feel for you

Fair enough OP. Easy for me to say without having been in your shoes.

Either go and keep yourself to yourself, or see if another parent is happy to look after your one as well as theirs x

When's the party? Are there any other moms going you know that you feel comfortable approaching beforehand. Not in a bitchy way just in a "oh are you going to Joseph's party? We can have a coffee and catch up there!" type way so you have someone to sit with?

My DD just turned 6, we're currently at the stage where around 60% parents stayed & the others leave. I think in part it depends on your child's resilience will they cope for the party for a couple of hours? At a friend's DD's 6th birthday party yesterday and spent about half of it consoling a crying little boy who just wanted his carer. At my DDs they were all fine but I made sure I linked them up with one of my friends in case they needed the toilet/a drink etc and we're afraid to ask. In summary 6 is fine if your kid will cope & the host is happy.

4, no need to attend with them once at the age where many are dropped off at school.

Be brave OP! You will feel better if you do. Just go in head held high and smile at all parents and say hello (including the one you don’t like). Then lodge yourself in the corner with some parents who aren’t with the person in question and make small talk.

6 is defo old enough. In fact, too old. I remember one parent trying to come in the house for dd1s 6th party and i was thinking 'wtf, I haven't catered for adults!' Luckily no one else did so not too bad.

Where I live parents don't stay at parties after children start school. But if that's not the done thing you should check with the hosts first.

For the 10 months every party my DD has been at has been drop-off due to covid restrictions (especially around adults). I think it’s been good for kids who would’ve been apprehensive about being left. I’d check and possibly use a white lie in the ask eg ‘thanks, they’d love to come, however I was going to help my mum/sister/someone clear out some furniture (or something else) that morning/afternoon. Would it be ok just to drop them off and pick them up at the end?’