To ask for help sorting out my messy life?

[JackieDaytonaHumanBarTender]

I posted this on another thread yesterday and had a couple of replies with some good advice but thought I'd repost to see if anyone else is able to offer any tips on getting on top of things.

My house is an absolute mess.

I am really struggling at the moment. It's still upside down from Christmas. Well it was a mess before Christmas to be honest. We had 2 family bereavements in December plus my dad was really ill so we just didn't keep on top of things.

DH and I both came down with covid on Boxing Day and were so I'll with it. DH went back to work as soon as he was able to but it wiped him out. I took an extra couple of days off to try and tidy but I just was too exhausted. DH is now working away until March he was called away quite last minute so he didn't have time to sort much out and I am juggling working full time, looking after 6 year old DS and helping out with my dad.

The washing basket is overflowing, clean clothes are in piles (or rather untidy mounds) waiting to be put away. There are dishes everywhere that need to be washed. There are Christmas toys that need to be sorted and put away and old toys that need to be given away. DS's wardrobe is full of clothes that don't fit but I haven't had time to sort them out. My bedroom has a floordrobe. The bathroom needs to be scrubbed. The kitchen has only had a quick brush since Christmas and and no mop. I don't know when the oven was last cleaned. The hall is full of all kinds of crap, shoes and coats. The front room has a Christmas tree up in it still. The other Christmas decorations are in boxes to go in the loft but I can't get in to the loft without DH.

I am so overwhelmed. On a normal day I leave the house at 7:30 and get in just after 6 and then have to sort out dinner and bedtime. DS is usually in bed for 8 and we would clean then but I've been getting so tired after having covid that I just sit for half an hour and then I'm ready for bed.

DH has said he can organise getting a cleaner in maybe to do a deep clean then visit every week for about 4 weeks and then having them come every other week which would be great but I need to get it "cleaner ready" before this.

Does anyone have any tips? I think I'm at breaking point and writing this all down has made me realise that this is the worst the house has ever been!

I had to stay at my parents last night but will be back today after 5 so planning on blitzing the kitchen and ordering a takeaway tonight for me and DS to save some washing up! If anyone can offer any advice I would really appreciate it!

Try and break it all down into manageable tasks and try and tick one off the list a day, maybe make a list you can cross items off too, thus will help with motivation. So for example, today you could start on the hallway then start on the toys tomorrow. Baby steps is the way to go. It can feel massively overwhelming when you look at it as a whoke

The washing basket is overflowing, clean clothes are in piles (or rather untidy mounds) waiting to be put away. There are dishes everywhere that need to be washed.

Start here. Put a load of laundry on to wash.
Fill the sink, do the dishes.

Go and put aaaaalllll the clothes away.
This will be crap and time-consuming but worth it.

Hang up washing/put in tumble dryer.
Sort another load ready for tomorrow.

You might not get further than this tonight.

There are Christmas toys that need to be sorted and put away and old toys that need to be given away.

Ignore for now.

DS's wardrobe is full of clothes that don't fit but I haven't had time to sort them out. My bedroom has a floordrobe.

Stay with the clothes as a task. Tomorrow evening, sort your floordrobe and do more washing, put away yesterday’s washing. Ignore sorting DS’s clothes for now, unless you can grab a bin bag to fill with obviously too-small stuff as you’re putting clean clothes away.

The bathroom needs to be scrubbed. The kitchen has only had a quick brush since Christmas and and no mop. I don't know when the oven was last cleaned.

Clean essential areas of the bathroom but give yourself a pass on the scrubbing to perfection. Let the deep clean cleaner do the deep clean. Ditto oven.

The hall is full of all kinds of crap, shoes and coats.

Ignore for now! This is a next weekend task.

The front room has a Christmas tree up in it still. The other Christmas decorations are in boxes to go in the loft but I can't get in to the loft without DH.

Take down the tree. Stack it all neatly somewhere that’s not in the way. Ignore otherwise.

Can you manage to take a days leave? I would take all clothes to laundrette for a service wash (including floordrobe), fill sink with hot water and get all plates/ cups etc washed. All dirty pans etc in the bath, boiling water and washing up liquid, leave to soak. Whilst they are soaking, wipe round kitchen, then make yourself a cup of tea.
Presents etc into the right rooms, but don't think about having a sort through yet.
DS puts his own clothes away, and takes any of his shoes etc from the hall.
Next day, empty bath, wash pans, quick wipe round of bathroom.
Christmas tree can stay up, oven can stay as it is. As long as cleaner can get in door, it'll be fine, you don't need to scrub everywhere first

Can you cut down on amount clothes you are using? So grab nearest clean basket put all rest away in bin bags or another room. Then just use, wash, put in basket clean- wear and repeat. So you not wearing 10 outfits a week each that pile up and then get 10 more out because can’t face looking in the pile.

If it means grabbing bin bags and throwing everything on bed floor in, so you least have one room you can breath and relax in it’s a start.

Do you have anyone can ask help you out? Id even offer cash reward for coming over and helping you get on top of things for 4-5 hours.

break it down, I am crap with housework too.

The washing basket is overflowing, clean clothes are in piles (or rather untidy mounds) waiting to be put away.

thats fine, just put a wash on and dont worry about where its put after as long as its clean and you can tell it apart from the dirty

There are dishes everywhere that need to be washed.

do a few bits every time you go in the kitchen like if you use 2 things like a cup and spoon make sure you wash 3 while your in there waiting for the kettle to boil.

There are Christmas toys that need to be sorted and put away and old toys that need to be given away.

I wouldnt worry about that right now theres a pandemic on.

DS's wardrobe is full of clothes that don't fit but I haven't had time to sort them out.

again do it in bits.

My bedroom has a floordrobe.

thats fine.

The bathroom needs to be scrubbed.

I'm sure it will be fine.

The kitchen has only had a quick brush since Christmas and and no mop.

priorities if it looks fine then it is.

I don't know when the oven was last cleaned.

does it matter if nothing has splatted all over it.

The hall is full of all kinds of crap, shoes and coats.

again thats fine priorities, little bit at a time.

The front room has a Christmas tree up in it still. The other Christmas decorations are in boxes to go in the loft but I can't get in to the loft without DH.

can you get him to do it and get rid of the tree.

Oh bless you, I'm sorry you have been feeling so poorly. I'd try and make tea really easy for a while & do microwave meals eat out of the cartons for a few days and catch up in the kitchen. I would do one load of washing a day and put away the previous days washing so it's not a huge pile of clean clothes. Ditch any ideas of ironing. Make piles and hoover around them. Everything always looks better hoovered. Flash wipe the bathroom rather than scrub it. Worry about ovens and all that when you feel better just do bare minimum for now. Most of all I think you need to be very kind to yourself. Also it might be an idea to up your vitamin intake until you feel better, vitamin d, c & zinc supposed to be good.

One room a day. If that's too much...one side of a room per day will do. As mentioned above..manageable tasks.

Bless you. You've had a hell of a lot on your plate, and it's understandable that the house has ran away with itself. The good news is, nothing you've listed is insurmountable. What I've found invaluable is making a daily list of things I'd like to achieve in the house. I can then tick it off as I go and look back and see that, even if there's still a way to go, it's better than it was at the start.

I'd suggest doing one big job a day, and then two smaller ones. If you can, a little more at the weekend?

Each night I put the laundry into the machine on a timer, so it starts at a decent time in the morning. Hang it up yo dry when you have time later. It's one less thing to think about. And if I can get the sink clear each night, that's another thing that makes me feel better in the morning.

Give the bathroom a quick scrub before you go into the shower. I often clean my shower while I'm conditioning my hair.

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through, and having covid on top of that, and that you’re understandably feeling overwhelmed

Maybe get those clean clothes folded and put away before they turn into dirty clothes. And at least you’ll have somewhere to put the new clean clothes once you’ve done another wash

Just kidding. That was intended to make you smile!

On a serious note, I think I’d start with the clean clothes (annoying if access to dresser/wardrobe is obscured so you may need to move stuff out the way). If you’re struggling with putting clean clothes away because stuff doesn’t fit maybe you could put all the ‘doesn’t fit’ and ‘might not fit’ items into a black sack for sorting when you have more time? Then you could get the clean stuff away and do a new wash so that the wash basket isn’t overflowing. I don’t think you mentioned ironing but if you do, don’t worry about ironing - do that on an ‘as needed’ basis and just get stuff washed, dry and put away.

I think then I’d gather up all the dishes and things and do the washing up.

And then probably bathroom. Like a PP has said, only worry about the essential bits. Ignore tree and the hall.

You won’t be able to do it all in a day/evening especially given that you’re struggling with energy levels, but you could set yourself a timer and get a quick win/small amount of progress - even 20-30 mins to make a difference

You might feel less overwhelmed if you put stuff in bags generally i.e. new toys to sort in a bag, old toys to sort in a bag, clean clothes in a bag, etc. Just get the floors cleared so maybe you’d feel less overwhelmed. You could roulette it and sort a bag a day!

The only urgent things are the dirty dishes – they’ll only get worse – and the tree, as most councils have a time limit on dumping old Christmas trees: ours is last week of Jan. I’d be tempted to take a day of AL to get rid of the tree, Hoover the needles, clear up all the dirty plates etc and just wash wash wash.

Clean clothes in piles: just make one giant mound somewhere so it’s one job to tackle, a chunk at a time.

When it’s diminished a bit, put a couple of new washes on to make a dent in the dirty pile.

Don’t worry about the boxes of decs ready for the loft: that’s a win! They’re packed and ready to go up. We put our Christmas 2020 decs in the loft in October 2021

Floor drive can be tackled after the washing. Toys next. DS’ wardrobe after that. Hallway coat mountain last of all.

Kitchen and bathroom: save it for the cleaner to do a deep clean. I don’t know anyone who cleans their oven, not me! You can pay for someone to do it if it feels worth it.

The real key to keeping on top of it once you’ve tackled it is: (a) less stuff and (b) enough storage for the stuff you do have. Dishes: is everyone using multiple mugs etc a day instead of rinsing and reusing? Ditto clothes: are you putting stuff on the washing pile that could be worn again?

Hi ,it sounds like you are visually overwhelmed ..

in that everywhere you go you see a job or a mess , which then gives you a sense of overwhelm?

This is what I would do ..
Do you have some big black binliners? ...
And any storage space at all? Like a shed , a underbed? ...
This may not be what everone would do ,but i wd get increasingly upset if i felt each space represented a problem
(Like someone said leave the hall.till another time.. but if it stressed me too much and thus increased my feeling.of being helpless, it wd just make me feel worse.. so this is what i wd do......

I wd go to the christmas stuff and put them in a bag.label it.
Same with things like dirty clothes not needed fo now. None essential hall stuff. Etc in catagories...
Etc.

Then I wd put it all labelled aside.
I would hide it .. for now.. thus leavingme with SPACE to see the rooms and the essential things and be able to organise and clean THEM.
And get a basic structure back in household.

Eg.. now you have...
A clear hall, a clear kitchen .this will.make you feel better.
Then do bathroom or whatever is yr priority. Wash pots . Put away.

I would live with the minimum clothes etc for now.
I wd do a supermarket order and eat simple fast to make food using minimal time, effort and pans .
I wd take my laundry to a laundry on way to work and collect it after work .

Work on your basics. Re gain control of what feels most important to you.

Then do a daily to do list and a clutter/ black bag list one a day as well as yr daily quick clean. So ..for eg..daily..
Wipe kitchen .
Do.loos.
Vacumn.. whatever suits you.
THEN do one of the hidden away bags at a time ticking it of and feeling acomplished !
You will get there.
During this period
.. matain the gains made.. pick up any mess each eve and return objects to.were they belong . Do not go to bed without a clean clear kitchen and a clutter free sitting room .then each day will start with a feeling of being in control and the opposite of ovwrwhelm.
Keep doing yr quick daiky jobs and a bag a day.
When the house feels calmer you can clean it as you can see the floors , the space.
You got this!

I find it helps to put some earphones in and listen to podcast, audio book or music when cleaning/tidying. I think it focuses you into what you are doing.

OP, I'm in a similar space and am supposed to be getting on with it this afternoon. My approach is taking just one category and attacking that first.

Cuppa, podcast/upbeat music that you'd sing along to.

Do an hour and see where that gets you. Rest if you need to after that - post-viral fatigue from covid is a thing. One day at a time.

@NoSquirrels

The washing basket is overflowing, clean clothes are in piles (or rather untidy mounds) waiting to be put away. There are dishes everywhere that need to be washed.

Start here. Put a load of laundry on to wash.
Fill the sink, do the dishes.

Go and put aaaaalllll the clothes away.
This will be crap and time-consuming but worth it.

Hang up washing/put in tumble dryer.
Sort another load ready for tomorrow.

You might not get further than this tonight.

There are Christmas toys that need to be sorted and put away and old toys that need to be given away.

Ignore for now.

DS's wardrobe is full of clothes that don't fit but I haven't had time to sort them out. My bedroom has a floordrobe.

Stay with the clothes as a task. Tomorrow evening, sort your floordrobe and do more washing, put away yesterday’s washing. Ignore sorting DS’s clothes for now, unless you can grab a bin bag to fill with obviously too-small stuff as you’re putting clean clothes away.

The bathroom needs to be scrubbed. The kitchen has only had a quick brush since Christmas and and no mop. I don't know when the oven was last cleaned.

Clean essential areas of the bathroom but give yourself a pass on the scrubbing to perfection. Let the deep clean cleaner do the deep clean. Ditto oven.

The hall is full of all kinds of crap, shoes and coats.

Ignore for now! This is a next weekend task.

The front room has a Christmas tree up in it still. The other Christmas decorations are in boxes to go in the loft but I can't get in to the loft without DH.

Take down the tree. Stack it all neatly somewhere that’s not in the way. Ignore otherwise.

^^This one.

Do you have a friend that would come and help?

Have you got a dishwasher if not can you get one then can be loaded every night and turned on. 5 mins to empty in morning if time. I just had a cupboard removed and it's the best thing.

Use the motto...don't put it down put it away.

Take tree down and pack up in proper storage ready for loft.

Put all toys in child's bedroom so you can sort living area.

Then when you move to the bedroom cull toys and clothes.

Get oven man round sod doing the oven yourself.

Just declutter as much as possible. Cluster makes mess and dust and messes with your head.

Reading your post describes my house ( but different situations let up to it). I just wanted to say don't judge yourself harshly for the mess.

Also your husband's suggestion of a cleaner is something to jump on! Don't clean for the cleaner, just tidy so they can get to the bits that need cleaning.

Do the minimum you need to regain your feeling of peace and mental well-being in your own home. Outsource or get help where it is possible.

take care of yourself

Thank you all so much for your advice and kind replies. I was worried people would accuse me of being a bad mother!

I love the idea of going to a laundrette with washing. How do they work? Can you just take washing, put it in and then pay for someone to transfer to the dryer and put away? I don't live near one but I can go on Saturday if I'm able to leave the washing to collect later on. I've just ordered some big laundry bags from Amazon to sort the dirty washing in to and then I can prioritise what to wash first. I can do a load a night still and put the clothes from the day before away.

DS has loads of those days if the week socks or socks with different coloured toes and pairing them up is a nightmare sometimes because for some reason he takes socks off in random, different places. So I popped in to Asda on the way home and bought a pack of plain black socks, a pack of underwear and a pack of vests. I've washed his uniform for the week (he only wears it every other day because he has PE and I've also washed his pe kits too) so I don't need to worry about that at all. I have put a bag for life in his room and said that all his clothes go in there when he gets undressed. He does have his own laundry basket but that's one of the overflowing ones! I have washed some work clothes for me and when sorting out the dirty clothes I can then just find a few bits for me and have a few outfits for the next couple of weeks until I've sorted this.

Feeling so much better.

The dishes are all clean. Just about to put them away. I have taken an ottoman/bench thing from my mums and have put all the shoes from the hall in it.

I have booked a click and collect for tomorrow and added vitamins to it - that's a great tip!

I know my friends would come over and help in a heartbeat but I am so embarrassed by the state of the place. I did speak to one last week and said I was struggling. She offered to come and help but she then asked if having DS on Friday night would be better so I can just get home and tidy after work, have a peaceful bath and bed and then get up Saturday morning and tackle it so I think I'll do that this weekend.

We are definitely getting cleaner in. DH has got in touch with a couple of people and has been "brutally honest" about the place. They can come out this coming week but I've asked to wait until the week after to give me time to get myself together and a bit of order. I'm not going to my parents to help with stuff next weekend.

We do have a dishwasher but it's broken - stopped working Christmas Eve. I can pick a new one up but I'd have to get someone in to install it and that can't happen yet! Or get someone in to look at the problem and sort out repairing it. Again DH has said he will organise all of that so it's not all on me.

DH isn't doing too great with being away for so long. He was supposed to go away in May for 4 weeks but his colleague's wife sadly had complications with her pregnancy and lost the baby so he was told on the Sunday night that he was flying out Tuesday early hours. It can't be helped and obviously his colleague and wife have it worse than we do right now but we had lots of lovely weekend plans coming up that he will miss. Plus he works from home when he's not in another country and before things went to pot he was doing loads of jobs around the house and we were both doing well! He feels so guilty for leaving but it's his job so not much we can do about it.

Thanks again!

Just popping on to second ShinyItem’s method of putting things in bin bags - I used boxes - and then sorting them one at a time. It worked brilliantly for me, not having the visual overwhelm to remind me how much I despised myself and being able to see the floor.

Good luck! You can do this.

For the laundrette, you want one that does a 'service wash' as they will wash, dry, fold it all.
Why not get the cleaner to start this week? Just ask them to do the kitchen and bathroom this week as a deep clean and then you don't have to think about those rooms at all, then next week they can do the bathroom, kitchen and the sitting room as the deep clean.
Get DH to book a dishwasher engineer for Saturday morning and then that will be sorted. Often they stop working due to a single switch and then that will be done.
Give yourself a free pass to have a sit down and a cuppa though, you've got so much on your plate. No one ever got sick from a dirty oven or coats/shoes in the hall

There may even be companies near you that come and collect your laundry and return it! Maybe your DH can search for this while you are cleaning?

Are your wardrobes big enough? Otherwise the question is if you need more space or need to get rid of stuff.

If you watch telly or listen to an audiobook, you may do some folding at the same time.

I clean a little bit of the bathroom every day. So one day the sink and mirror. Next day the toilet. Next day the bath etc. In this way it stays reasonably clean. (Learned this from The Organised Mum Method)

If there are little things your DS can do himself, than ask him if he would like to help. Investment for the future

I am wishing you all the best. You are doing so well under difficult circumstances. Post covid tiredness can take months to clear up.

If it were me I would...

Prioritise laundry and washing up

Allocate a spare room or one end of a room to dump EVERYTHING that isn't in its rightful place in your home (use laundry bins to collect it all, dump in a pile. Then get the cleaner in to blitz the house. Then put everything that's been dumped away.

I think sometimes just vocalising it gives you that oomph to get goin. You’ve had some brilliant tips on here, I’m going to pinch a few myself. The most important one is to break it all down in to manageable chunks and have time for yourself.

I will say the thing that’s made a difference in my house is just having less stuff. So when you get to that stage be brutal! Ive had covid over new year and havent been able to maintain my daily routine but it doesn’t look half as bad now there’s less stuff.

You’ve been through a lot so be kind to yourself

Have been in similar overwhelm myself in the past and definitely echo all the advice, I personally if I have enough energy go crazy crazy busy for a few days trying to sort it out starting with manageable tasks first. I list all the jobs into chunks and then just start in t way Iv listed them.. if I’m cleaning the bathroom and on the way I walk iver the 62189192739. Clothes needing washed/ sorted rather than panick thinking ohhh flip Iv all this to do - it’s all so much etc I just say oh no problem it’s on the list it will get done, putting it onto the list kind of gives me permission to have the house a state for awhile as I know I will do it . Same accomplishments then give boost for carrying on with the rest.
For the cleaner if u can afford get them in ASAP as some maybe help sort/ tidy too if u ask? Many many companies are used to this as support to people so defo consider it. !! Good luck you’ve done so great so far!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I would get the cleaner in now, and get one that will do laundry.
That way over several hours they can work through clothes in wash, dry, folded for you and start on the bathrooms or kitchen in between.
Doesn’t matter if it’s too much for cleaner, they won’t have to do it all. You simple say you want someone for 4-6 hours, and they just start tackling it bit by bit and see what they get done in that time. They can help again next week and you in between

But once it is sorted, and your dh is back, a major declutter of everything really is the only way to keep it from re piling up

How’s it all going?