Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated

26 replies

Cherryfizzzz · 15/01/2022 21:08

Currently sat at my boyfriends. He crashed half hour ago. He has to take amitriptyline for pain. They don't help with pain but they knock him out for a few hours. They've killed his sex drive. I'm 33 and he's 47. Sat here feeling really bored and wishing I could go home. I have so much sympathy for him and his pain. But it's so dull just sitting here bored and wide away 3 or 4 nights a week whilst he sleeps. I want sex and conversation.

AIBU

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 15/01/2022 21:09

Can he take them a bit later on? I used to have to take mine at 6pm as I struggled to wake up it I took them later but they do make you sleepy.

Original poster
Cherryfizzzz · 15/01/2022 21:12

I think he is so desperate for sleep he isn't willing to take them later.

I feel so bad for him but We should be in the honeymoon period and we haven't even had a kiss today. Just feel like they are ruining our relationship. It's killed his sex drive. We've not had full sex for 2 months now. Just feel lonely and bored.

OP posts:
Mrstamborineman · 15/01/2022 21:14

Why is important to you? Your happiness doesn’t need to be at the cost of someone else’s. Sometimes yes, but not all the time.

Mrstamborineman · 15/01/2022 21:14

Sorry what is important. Not why.

IncompleteSenten · 15/01/2022 21:15

Why can't you go home?

Original poster
Cherryfizzzz · 15/01/2022 21:17

Can't go home because I live 3 miles away and walked here. But also it would hurt his feelings and I can't wake him up to say I'm bored stiff so going home. I feel really selfish. But i want a sex life and someone to sit up and chat too. I am not tired at all. Feel so irritated.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 15/01/2022 21:20

How long have you been together? Is this what you want for the next 40 years?

Bluebluemoon39 · 15/01/2022 21:20

Of course you're not being selfish to want a sex life and someone to talk to at 33 years old (or any age).

Is it likely to be something for the rest of his life or just short term?

I couldn't be doing with that unless it was something just for a short period. Saying you're in the honeymoon period makes me think it's a new relationship? Not a good start really is it?

SockFluffInTheBath · 15/01/2022 21:27

DH was on that for a while and it’s like living with a zombie so I sympathise OP. If it’s a short term thing then maybe don’t go round on the bad days, but if it’s a long term thing then jeez, how much do you like him…? Sad

IHaveToSay · 15/01/2022 21:31

I’m on amitriptyline, I wish they made me sleep!
YANBU, however. It’s no life to be leading at 33.

Chloemol · 15/01/2022 21:37

So basically you would prefer him awake and in pain? He’s sleeping so not in pain

You don’t like it get a taxi home

And rethink the relationship as it’s not going to give you what you want, and certainly not what he wants, which is someone who is sympathetic to the fact he has to take these tablets because he is in so much pain

Forrandomposts · 15/01/2022 21:41

I took amitriptyline so not immune, but why did he invite you over if he was planning on sleeping?

Mummy1608 · 15/01/2022 21:42

How long have you been together?

I will get flamed for this but...I'm your age OP and wouldn't consider dating someone nearly 50yo (if I were single). This isn't true for everyone but sex drive can decrease with age even without your BF's meds. Leave him and date someone your own age...?

HalloHello · 15/01/2022 21:43

If he is in so much pain he needs amitriptyline, would he want sex any way?? I'm thinking this is a dead end op.

Hankunamatata · 15/01/2022 21:45

What pain is it? Temporary or permanent condition?

He is 14 years older and that can make a difference in some people when it comes to sex.

HarleyQuinnFan · 15/01/2022 21:48

I now take 5 amytriptyline per evening. It’s taken a while to gradually up to that and the side effects are horrid.
If he is struggling with pain then I can understand him getting sleep when he can. It’s so hard to function with pain after not getting decent sleep.

Also, just to reassure you that the sex issue is not long term either. After a while you get used to the medication and begin to feel a bit more normal.

alwaysmovingforwards · 15/01/2022 21:49

Don’t understand why you don’t just get a taxi home and leave a note saying “night night, hope you’re feeling better soon x”

RobotValkyrie · 15/01/2022 22:15

His physical needs and your emotional needs don't sound compatible.

Duchess379 · 15/01/2022 22:17

Blimey, I've been on amitriptyline for about a year & it doesn't make me sleepy. But then I take it last thing at night. Can't he do that?

blyn · 15/01/2022 23:10

You surely don't have to spend so many nights at his.

Is your boyfriend always in pain, does he have a condition which will improve?

He must be aware that he is disappointing you and needs to seek alternative help from his doctor.

IHaveToSay · 16/01/2022 01:41

@HalloHello

If he is in so much pain he needs amitriptyline, would he want sex any way?? I'm thinking this is a dead end op.
I’m on amitriptyline and have plenty of sex Hmm
QuizzicalEyebrows · 16/01/2022 02:09

Does he drink alcohol when he takes it

Heartburnkillingme · 16/01/2022 06:18

Did you post about him over Xmas op?

HalloHello · 16/01/2022 06:28

What I mean is, if he doesn't take it so he doesn't fall asleep, he will presumably be in pain so won't want to have sex??

KatherineJaneway · 16/01/2022 06:34

No option for a taxi home?