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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

46 replies

Charlotte98764 · 15/01/2022 17:37

Hi,

I moved out with my boyfriend a year ago, we both contribute towards the bills, mortgage etc although he puts slightly more in but not a lot considering his wages are more than double mine.

We both work full time jobs Monday to Friday.

He has never put on a single load of washing, cleaned the house, changed bedsheets, rarely takes the rubbish out and every now and then he will make dinner. Basically rarely does any housework.

He thinks because he puts more money in he shouldn’t have to and because his dad never did it. I get told all that I ever do is moan and that his mum never did when I bring up the point that I need help.

There’s been times when I have been completely exhausted and he can see that but rarely offers to help. When he does he says he’ll do it tomorrow but that never happens.

Am I being unreasonable ?!

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 15/01/2022 17:38

No. LTB. It won't get any better. He has zero respect for you.

Shoxfordian · 15/01/2022 17:39

Move back out again unless you want to be his unpaid housekeeper for the rest of your life

Lazypuppy · 15/01/2022 17:40

Stop doing his washing. Personally unless his attitude to women changed i would end relationship

GoodnightGrandma · 15/01/2022 17:40

No, you’re not. It it won’t improve, so you put up or get out.
Imagine if you had kids and you were doing all of that as well.

Chely · 15/01/2022 17:41

Tell him to ask his mother if she was happy that his dad never helped out.

Ilikewinter · 15/01/2022 17:41

Oh wow, its the comment about his parents that would have me running for the hills!

MostlyHappyMummy · 15/01/2022 17:45

I don't actually believe that anyone would be such a doormat - but just in case this is actually true it's probably best to leave but as you probably won't, I suggest you only shop and cook for yourself and only do your own clothes washing

1967buglet · 15/01/2022 17:45

You aren’t his skivvy. If you have kids, you’ll be doing all the childraising too, because he says he earns to much to have to change diapers. Doubt this will change. I’d reconsider this relationship.

Notimeforaname · 15/01/2022 17:46

He see's you as another mother, his caretaker.

This is how he thinks.

You'll forever be fighting about it.

Listen to what he's telling you. He means it.

lucillelarusso · 15/01/2022 17:49

Why are you still with this sexist idiot?

CovidForChristmas · 15/01/2022 17:49

Raise. The. Bar.

Theendisnow · 15/01/2022 17:52

Run. It won’t get any better.

Original poster
Charlotte98764 · 15/01/2022 17:53

I should have mentioned that he did say that we should get a cleaner but that’s extra expenses and doesn’t solve washing and day to day tidying..

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 15/01/2022 17:54

Just because his dad is as a twat, it doesn't make it right.

Why haven't you already left him op?

Am I being unreasonable?
KatharinaRosalie · 15/01/2022 17:55

you would be very unreasonable to stay with this man. When someone very very clearly show you who they are, believe them.

Ispini · 15/01/2022 18:00

Fecking arsehole! Why the hell are you doing his jobs. His life, his laundry, his dirty dishes. My DH would never expect me to pick up after him, if anything he picks up after me. However I do other admin stuff for him so it all works out.
We’ve also always balanced the childcare and stuff between us. I couldn’t imagine being married to someone who was not a team player. I feel so sad about the relationships I read about on MM, not for me.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 15/01/2022 18:01

Don't carry on wasting your life with this user. He wont not change, show him the door & let him sponge off someone else's labour.

MajorCarolDanvers · 15/01/2022 18:05

I couldn't be with a man who thought I was his maid.

AffIt · 15/01/2022 18:08

'Mortgage?

I hope you didn't buy a house with this arsehole before living with him first, because otherwise you're screwed.

Leave now, if you can, it won't get better.

Original poster
Charlotte98764 · 15/01/2022 18:47

Hi,

I moved out with my boyfriend a year ago, we both contribute towards the bills, mortgage etc although he puts slightly more in but not a lot considering his wages are more than double mine.

We both work full time jobs Monday to Friday.

He has never put on a single load of washing, cleaned the house, changed bedsheets, rarely takes the rubbish out and sometimes makes dinner. Basically rarely does any housework.

He thinks because he puts more money in he shouldn’t have to and because his dad never did it. I get told all that I ever do is moan and that his mum never did when I bring up the point that I need help.

There’s been times when I have been completely exhausted and he can see that but rarely offers to help. When he does he says he’ll do it tomorrow but that never happens.

He did say that we should get a cleaner but that’s additional expenses and doesn’t solve laundry and day to day tidying! He also says that I should just ask but I don’t want to have to ask.

Am I being unreasonable ?!

OP posts:
Holly60 · 15/01/2022 18:50

I’m sorry OP but you need to leave him. It will never get any better

Cherrysoup · 15/01/2022 18:52

I would be doing sod all for him. He can do his own washing/cooking. Do nothing for him, much as he does for you.

Quartz2208 · 15/01/2022 18:53

Yes OP this is very bad. You need to say to him that you are not his maid or his cleaner you are his partner. Either he accepts that he does 50/50 or that is it.

And leave

NerrSnerr · 15/01/2022 18:56

Did you buy the house together? Are you both on the mortgage? If so you need to sell up. He won't get any better. If you're in rented accommodation or house is just in his name you need to move out.

HollowTalk · 15/01/2022 18:57

I get told all that I ever do is moan and that his mum never did when I bring up the point that I need help.

Why would you live with someone like this? He just wants a servant, just like his Mum.