Am I being unreasonable?

[Charlotte98764]

Hi,

I moved out with my boyfriend a year ago, we both contribute towards the bills, mortgage etc although he puts slightly more in but not a lot considering his wages are more than double mine.

We both work full time jobs Monday to Friday.

He has never put on a single load of washing, cleaned the house, changed bedsheets, rarely takes the rubbish out and every now and then he will make dinner. Basically rarely does any housework.

He thinks because he puts more money in he shouldn’t have to and because his dad never did it. I get told all that I ever do is moan and that his mum never did when I bring up the point that I need help.

There’s been times when I have been completely exhausted and he can see that but rarely offers to help. When he does he says he’ll do it tomorrow but that never happens.

Am I being unreasonable ?!

Agree with pp leave him does he thinking paying more in his right to treat you like paid help

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WOTH THIS MAN!!

Sorry for shouting, but seriously what century does he think he's living in.

Actions speak louder than words and he is showing you that he thinks you are his servant.

His servant.

Say that out loud to yourself to make it really sink in how awful this situation is.

Your "D"P gets a cleaner, cool, maid, sex on tap AND you contribute a hefty chunk to the rent and bills. What do you get?!?

Leave and quickly, let him find some other sucker to be his skivvy.

He is not going to change. You either get used to it and plod along, or take the steps towards a life you actually want. Without him.

Yabu to put up with that. Tell him to get his finger out!

This is the trial period. He has failed. Throw him back.

It’s not ok and he doesn’t even contribute properly (proportionately to income) financially! I imagine his mum didn’t work? Either way this is not ok but makes it even worse that he’s not sharing the money equitably!

@Shoxfordian

Move back out again unless you want to be his unpaid housekeeper for the rest of your life

^ This

Don't have kids. Leave. My exh thought I should be like his mother and gave me an ultimatum. I moved out that week.

Start as you mean to go on, this will be the story of your life.

^CovidForChristmas

Raise. The. Bar.^

This. Come on, read your post. What would your advice be to someone else writing this?

Did his mum also work full time?!

Yanbu. These things will only get worse if you don't put a stop to it now. My dad was a very hands on parent and did a lot of cooking/ housework whilst holding down a ft job. My mum did her fair share too obvs.

I think that set up what my expectations of a relationship was. My dh is great. I moved into his house so could see how house proud he was and knew that would continue. This morning I came down after a lie in and dh was cleaning the oven. He then spent 2 hours in the garden tidying. I took dc out and when I came back he'd done 2 washes, cleaned the kitchen and washed the floors and walked the dog. We're a team and we both just do what needs to be done. Oh and for the first 10 years of our relationship he earnt more than me, but that never equaled less housework.

Why do YOU need help in the house, OP? It sounds as though you have taken on all responsibility for it, and that youyhope for "help" from him (which you won't get, particularly as you have started along these lines).
But your home should be a shared responsibility. Read Fair Play, and better still call time on this sexist entitled man, you can do better. Please don't have a baby with him, or you will be trapped doing everything forever. Chuck him back, there are plenty more and better fish in the sea. Tell him why, first though, as it might save some other woman from the same in future.

I can see how yet it is possible to end up doing al the cleaning and tidying when you are with a lazy sexist man. But what I cannot fathom for the life of me, is how or why you took over doing his laundry the moment you moved in together. If my husband had never put on a single load of washing, then he would have run out of pants about seventeen years ago.

Either dump him, move out.
Or do nothing — literally nothing, no laundry, no cooking, no cleaning. And see what he says then his attitude to that situation will tell you what he’s really like.

So you contribute more ££ proportionately than he does, you do all the housework, and you work an equal number of hours? How does he think this is fair?

I'd kick him out and say the 1950s want him back.

Didn't you talk about all this before you moved in together??

He sounds like a real catch…
Ditch him, raise your bar and find someone who isn’t such a man child

Imagine years more of this….. shudder

Oh absolutely fuck that! Is this the life you want, to be this bellends skivvy?

Leave him he is an entitled manchild.

Just for context I work 3 days, partner works 5 days so he earns alot more than me and we have children. Partner just spent 2hours of today cleaning both bathrooms and bedrooms. He pulls his weight, I do more than him as I have two days off but he will ask me if I need help / what he should focus on.

Before kids when we both worked 5 days we spilt everything equal around the house.

If your boyfriend can’t split these chores equally I would run for the hills, how is he going to be if you ever have kids. Is all childcare / cleaning a woman’s job his mum never complained?

It’s your life
If you want to spend it with this waste of space crack on

Yeah, this one is not a keeper OP!! Don't enter into any long term financial arrangements, Don't get pregnant and once the sex stop being fun move on. Live and learn!!