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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have cleaned the kitchen?

37 replies

TheSharpertheJuice · 15/01/2022 13:51

This is probably a bit petty but I’d like to see if IWBU.

Husbands mum came round for brunch, she does every fortnight so not a one off or anything. He made them and DCs food- I didn’t want anything as I’m intermittent fasting and wasn’t due to break my fast until 1pm.

She left 3 hours later and he’s just got stroppy because ‘he cooked so I should clean up’.

AIBU to not have cleaned up after them given I didn’t participate in brunch?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 15/01/2022 13:56

Why should you if you didn't have any of the food?

Cstring · 15/01/2022 13:57

It depends on Who cleans up when you cook?
Personally in our house whoever cooks cleans up, so it depends on how you usually arrange it?

Cstring · 15/01/2022 13:58

@Cstring

It depends on Who cleans up when you cook? Personally in our house whoever cooks cleans up, so it depends on how you usually arrange it?
Posted too soon. I disagree with cleaning someone else’s’ mess anyway, so I think it should be him!
Ozanj · 15/01/2022 13:59

On the days you intermittant fast do you never cook or clean up after the kids? Yes or no the same rules apply here surely.

Original poster
TheSharpertheJuice · 15/01/2022 14:03

This is the one meal a fortnight my DH makes- usually I cook and clean up afterwards for us all whether I’m eating or not.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 15/01/2022 14:04

He should clean up after himself, obviously.

WetLookKnitwear · 15/01/2022 14:04

I suppose it was more of a family occasion because your mil was over so both of you should have cleared up. Plus he was cooking for the kids too.

One person cooks the other cleans up doesn’t work if you have separate meals.

WetLookKnitwear · 15/01/2022 14:05

I just saw your latest update. He should have cleaned it up.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/01/2022 14:06

Why didn’t he clean up as he went and finish up while she was there? I don’t get it. He waited 3 hours then complained you hadn’t done it? She’s family not a guest, he decided what they’d eat and how much mess it would create, he should have sorted it.

toomuchlaundry · 15/01/2022 14:06

So does he never usually clear up regardless who cooks?

Bessica1970 · 15/01/2022 14:07

How old are the DC? Could they have helped?

We’re you sitting with the family when they are? When I’m IFing I sit with a coffee while the family eat so I’m not being antisocial.

If I was sitting with them then yes I would help tidy up

phishy · 15/01/2022 14:07

He’s an idiot.

Why do you do 99% of the cooking and washing up? He’s so entitled.

JugglingJanuary · 15/01/2022 14:07

He should have cleaned up.

phishy · 15/01/2022 14:08

I hope you didn’t clean up?

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 15/01/2022 14:08

In our house I mainly cook and DH cleans up, so In your example I would've cleaned because the meal was for the whole family and I chose not to eat because of a diet (wouldn't if DH had just made himself something). However if you usually clean up after yourself when you cook and that's most of the time, he's a CF and should clean up his mess

PinkSyCo · 15/01/2022 14:09

If you do all the cooking and clearing up the rest of the time (why is that?) then he should clear up.

Totalwasteofpaper · 15/01/2022 14:09

Pathetic.
Absolutely would not clean up.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/01/2022 14:09

Why are you timing your fast to co-incide with the one time a fortnight that DH cooks? That seems a bit weird and like you are trying to make a point. Or, put it another way, why is he cooking that meal to be served at a time when he knows you are fasting? Is he trying to make a point?
If this happens regularly, maybe he can cook the meal so that you all eat together at 1. Or you can change the time of your fast. Either way, it's a pretty poor example for the children.
The washing up is a different issue, but again, sounds like you are both point-scoring here.
What's the bigger picture?

hoomae · 15/01/2022 14:15

I'm worried I might be the only person saying this...but..I do all of the kitchen cleaning in my house. I always do the dishwasher etc.

But then my partner does most of the cooking, he helps tidy the house etc. we both do our fair share of the household chores so, personally, if you normally do all of the washing up etc then I don't see why it would be any different?

phishy · 15/01/2022 14:16

@hoomae

But you got a hot home cooked meal.

What did OP get?

If course he should clean up his own mess.

MananaTomorrow · 15/01/2022 14:18

He should have cleaned up.

And it’s unacceptable that he isn’t cleaning up when you have been cooking for your MIL too. If he is happy for you to cook AND clean when she is here, why does he have an issue when it’s him that is cooking and cleaning? Ha yes, that will be because this time it’s him who has to do the work isn’t it?

CluelessHamster · 15/01/2022 14:20

@TheSharpertheJuice

This is the one meal a fortnight my DH makes- usually I cook and clean up afterwards for us all whether I’m eating or not.
In that case, ask him if he's suggesting that whoever doesn't cook cleans up from now on because that makes it about 20 clean ups a fortnight for him!
hoomae · 15/01/2022 14:20

@phishy not in a rude way at all but they could have saved some food for the OP for her to have later?

If my partner and kids are eating but not me, I would just tidy up like normal, I wouldn't even think about it if I'm honest.

I think if he pulls his weight in other areas then it's ok. If he sits around like a slob and does absolutely nothing then fair enough not to tidy etc after him.

phishy · 15/01/2022 14:23

[quote hoomae]@phishy not in a rude way at all but they could have saved some food for the OP for her to have later?

If my partner and kids are eating but not me, I would just tidy up like normal, I wouldn't even think about it if I'm honest.

I think if he pulls his weight in other areas then it's ok. If he sits around like a slob and does absolutely nothing then fair enough not to tidy etc after him.[/quote]
@hoomae you’ve assumed he pulls his weight though.

Your situation is different, your DH does most of the cooking.

LuaDipa · 15/01/2022 14:25

@DelphiniumBlue

Why are you timing your fast to co-incide with the one time a fortnight that DH cooks? That seems a bit weird and like you are trying to make a point. Or, put it another way, why is he cooking that meal to be served at a time when he knows you are fasting? Is he trying to make a point? If this happens regularly, maybe he can cook the meal so that you all eat together at 1. Or you can change the time of your fast. Either way, it's a pretty poor example for the children. The washing up is a different issue, but again, sounds like you are both point-scoring here. What's the bigger picture?
With intermittent fasting you generally eat within the same hours every day. Perhaps this was the only time mil could visit or perhaps the dh didn’t think when he arranged. It’s not necessarily anything to be concerned about.

Op if you usually cook and clean up he is being very unreasonable.