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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To help DS out replacing his broken iphone?

107 replies

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 14/01/2022 21:11

Ds is 10. He got cross tonight and slammed his phone down and completely broke it.

Yes absolutely his fault and I won't be replacing it. He is devastated.

He has £100 saved from Xmas and birthday money and a replacement iphone is £120 from music magpie. He needs a phone for safety as he walks to and from school.

I'm ok with putting £20 towards it as he's upset at having to use /waste his Xmas money. DH is adamant we shouldn't put any money to it at all. I get it was his stupid fault but I'd like to get a phone to him asap for safety. We don't have a spare old one going begging. Without my £20 it'll be a couple of weeks to replace it.

What do mumsnetters think?

OP posts:
Happymum12345 · 14/01/2022 22:53

We all make mistakes in anger, especially when we’re young. Perhaps get them a cheaper phone for a while then get them a better one when they’re a bit older. Maybe for secondary school?

NoSquirrels · 14/01/2022 22:58

I get what u mean but we use an app to track him that only works on iphone

That’s your parenting decision then. So you pay the iPhone premium for convenience.

It’s unfair to tie him to an expensive replacement for your convenience. He could have a cheaper Android phone.

Doggydarling · 14/01/2022 23:05

How does an iPhone keep a 10 year old safe? I really don't understand this mentality. Why do you need to track him, he's 10 so he goes straight home I assume, if he can't be trusted to do that he shouldn't be walking home. If you really believe he 'needs' a phone get him a cheap replacement but to be honest I think its an ideal opportunity to get rid of it completely, he's far too young.

Starseeking · 14/01/2022 23:07

Your DH is 100% right. Why would you even think about replacing an item your DS broke in anger??? That action says he doesn't value items he hasn't had to buy himself, and he needs to feel the consequences of having to wait for a new one. He'll never break another one if that happens.

If you replace it now, you'll most likely be on here within 3 months saying he's done it again.

At 10, I can't imagine his school is more than 1 mile away, so he really doesn't need an iPhone "for safety reasons". Use this situation as a teaching moment.

Nowayoutonlydown · 14/01/2022 23:17

It would cost you about £20 to get hom a cheap phone, so I'd say lend him the £20, he needs to pay it back bit by bit over thd next several weeks to the point hits home that it takes time and effort to replace things that are broken in temper.

SometimesRavenSometimesParrot · 14/01/2022 23:19

How broken is it? If he’s just slammed it down it can be taken to a phone shop and fixed most likely

MoreHairyThanScary · 14/01/2022 23:19

We used to have "the phone of shame" when the kids broke / lost / or had phone remove for rudeness but needed to be contactable.

I wouldn't be rushing to replace I'm sure you can get a phone tracker for android....

RedCandyApple · 14/01/2022 23:21

It can only be the screen that’s cracked? How damaged can a phone be from a 10 year old slamming it down? Will be cheaper to just repair the screen in a phone shop

bluebirdsong · 14/01/2022 23:25

Why do you need to track him? Either it’s safe to walk and you trust him or should you not just be taking him? I wouldn’t be replacing a phone at all if the previous one was broke in anger.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 14/01/2022 23:31

Surely it’s just the screen and you can get it replaced rather than buy a new phone? My dc all have iPhones (as do most of their friends) dtds are 10 and Dd1 is 14. We have phone insurance as part of our bank account that we pay for monthly so they’re all insured. my 10yos will need them when they start secondary (a few days after they turn 11) and I learned from Dd that I need to help them learn how to safely use them and doing that at the point they start secondary is a lot to take in so we have 8 months to learn.

As all 11yos use their phones in classes for research here it’s really not unusual for a dc to have a phone and often it’s a parent’s old iPhone. We’ve stick with iPhones as I know how they work and can link it to my iPhones. Really can’t be bothered learning a different brand.

waterrat · 14/01/2022 23:32

Have a real think op about tracking. Children until very recently did not have phones. Do you actually think he will be kidnapped ?

Let go of the need to track him now and you can really consider what he needs to know to keep himself safe out in the world. Teach him sensible skills and resilience and how to ask for help from safe adults if something goes wrong

Let him walk to school with a Nokia brick fir a few months and you might both feel better

waterrat · 14/01/2022 23:33

I really think it would be a good lesson for him to go without an iPhone for a while. He shouldn't just snap his fingers and get one again

Excitedforxmas · 14/01/2022 23:34

If the screen is shattered then it’s about 50 quid to get fixed

Original poster
MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 14/01/2022 23:38

Interesting answers from some of you. Thanks.

It's probably repairable as he did slam it down in anger. He was in the middle of a ps5 game and I made him turn it off for bed. But no excuse.

Like others, we all have iPhones and I can't be arsed learning others. And whilst he's perfectly safe going to school, he has to cross 2 roads and I'd prefer to know he's over safe. He is very reliable usually. He occasionally stops out to play in a tiny local park with his friend and always, 100% record, calls me to check it's ok.

He will be having a consequence. His phone will take at least a week to repair and he'll have to do jobs round the house to earn the extra money. But we will look at repair rather than replace. And where we are, most schools expect them to have a phone to research stuff in school.

OP posts:
Fraine · 14/01/2022 23:40

I think he should pay but yes contribute the £20.

Does the phone not have a case? I have Tech21 case on my iPhone and it’s survived countless falls on concrete, tile, etc

It’s been indestructible.

RedCandyApple · 14/01/2022 23:42

Why would it take a week? Mine took 1 hour and that’s because it was late when I went to the shop, it usually takes half an hour?

LondonQueen · 14/01/2022 23:42

Since he broke it on purpose. Why don't you offer to buy him a very basic "dumb phone" you can buy them very cheaply at places like Argos. He will soon learn to appreciate his iPhone.

LondonQueen · 14/01/2022 23:46

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

Interesting answers from some of you. Thanks.

It's probably repairable as he did slam it down in anger. He was in the middle of a ps5 game and I made him turn it off for bed. But no excuse.

Like others, we all have iPhones and I can't be arsed learning others. And whilst he's perfectly safe going to school, he has to cross 2 roads and I'd prefer to know he's over safe. He is very reliable usually. He occasionally stops out to play in a tiny local park with his friend and always, 100% record, calls me to check it's ok.

He will be having a consequence. His phone will take at least a week to repair and he'll have to do jobs round the house to earn the extra money. But we will look at repair rather than replace. And where we are, most schools expect them to have a phone to research stuff in school.

No school will be expecting your 10 year old to have a phone. That's ludicrous. We try to discourage it, it's an absolute safeguarding nightmare and they cause no end of problems. Do you mean in class or at home for homework etc, in which case the family computer will do.
PinkSyCo · 14/01/2022 23:52

And whilst he's perfectly safe going to school, he has to cross 2 roads and I'd prefer to know he's over safe.

This makes absolutely no sense. Either he’s street smart or he’s not. A phone won’t help him cross a road safely, quite the opposite if anything. Also if he’s smashing up his phone in temper because it’s time to switch the PlayStation off I would be taking that off him too!

PinkSyCo · 14/01/2022 23:54

Oh and who told you schools expect 10 year olds to have smart phones? Your son? 🤣

Blossom64265 · 15/01/2022 00:06

I consider a phone a basic necessity for a 10yo. When I was a child, we had access to pay phones. That is no longer an option.

You have two options. You can either pay the extra or you can buy a cheap basic pay as you go model so that he has something until he can afford to replace his phone.

Since the cheap model is kind of a waste of your money, another option might be to pay the extra, but put his phone on restriction. I think this is a logical consequence of his behavior anyway. Even if he had the full funds to replace it, I would still severely limit his access to the phone for the next couple of months, slowly building up time. To start, he should only have it for walking to and from school and similar situations and I might even restrict some of the apps so it is a little less fun in the beginning.

WhiteCatmas · 15/01/2022 00:14

Phones are cheaper from giffgaff refurbished.
Chip in the 20£.

SantaHat · 15/01/2022 00:18

And where we are, most schools expect them to have a phone to research stuff in school.

😂😂😂😂

RedCandyApple · 15/01/2022 00:20

Where do you live? I have a 10 year old, mobiles aren’t allowed in her primary school

melj1213 · 15/01/2022 00:26

YABU - it is not "iPhone or nothing ", you are chosing to be specific about it being an iPhone when you could easily pick up a cheap PAYG phone for £20 in a supermarket to tide him over.

My DD11 has a phone and has done for about 4 years but that is only because ExDH and I share custody 50/50 with DD going to each parent every other week - so having a phone was so she could contact the other parent at any point and for safety (she would walk to school with friends in Yr 5 and 6 so I liked her to have it for emergencies)

Up until this year she had a cheap PAYG £10 dumb phone that she could make and receive calls and texts and only had specific numbers saved.

This year for her birthday, and because she was moving up to secondary, I bought DD a smart phone. She has proved she is capable of looking after a phone, as she had the same one the entire time previously, and can be trusted with it. Even then I only spent about £80 on a Huawei smartphone - it is pretty basic but it makes and receives calls and texts, can browse the internet, take pictures and has enough space for a few apps.

Part of the agreement is that we have a tracking app so we can find her if necessary and there are parental controls set up so she needs a password to download or buy anything in apps so we know what is on her phone is suitable.

If DD lost or damaged this phone then she would have to buy a new phone out of her savings/pocket money and if she didn't have enough for the phone she wanted then she would have to use her old dumb phone until she had saved enough for the phone she wanted. I would not be putting any money towards a new phone if it was lost or damaged due to DDs behaviour. The only time I would be putting money towards a new phone would be if it was stolen or damaged by someone/something outside of DDs control (eg she had put her phone on the table and someone came in and knocked the table over, sending her phone onto the floor where it smashed)