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AIBU?

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Original poster

To help DS out replacing his broken iphone?

107 replies

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 14/01/2022 21:11

Ds is 10. He got cross tonight and slammed his phone down and completely broke it.

Yes absolutely his fault and I won't be replacing it. He is devastated.

He has £100 saved from Xmas and birthday money and a replacement iphone is £120 from music magpie. He needs a phone for safety as he walks to and from school.

I'm ok with putting £20 towards it as he's upset at having to use /waste his Xmas money. DH is adamant we shouldn't put any money to it at all. I get it was his stupid fault but I'd like to get a phone to him asap for safety. We don't have a spare old one going begging. Without my £20 it'll be a couple of weeks to replace it.

What do mumsnetters think?

OP posts:
Libella · 14/01/2022 21:35

OP, try to think a little bit back in history (not very far, really).

My DC walked to school aged 10, and didn't have phones because they didn't exist. The idea of tracking apps is completely alien to me.

A child of that age does not need a phone at all.

Do bear in mind that my youngest was 10 only 7 years ago, and still managed to walk to school and back without being tracked.

Phones are no guarantee of safety. What is more likely to help children/young people (and this is no guarantee, as there are sadly no guarantees, and I know we'd all like to lock them up and never let them out again in case something happens to them) is to give them the trust and confidence that they can cope and deal with things if they don't go to plan. A phone will not do this for them. With mine, I gradually let them walk alone - it was a process of "is this a good place to cross the road? Why/why not?" "Why do you think it's a bad idea for that teenager to be walking along with headphones on?" "That person looks a bit dodgy - what do you think we should do now?" And then gradually letting them take the lead until you think they can do it alone (though you still shadow them at first).

I'd use the broken phone as a reason for your child not to have a phone until they're old enough to need/use one properly, and I'd work on teaching them personal safety meanwhile.

I've been through the teenage mill with my DC, and I've been very glad that they have had more to rely on than just a phone when they have been in sticky situations.

Popfan · 14/01/2022 21:37

My DS did similar, although a teenager, he got a cheap Nokia smart phone as replacement which he paid for and then had to wait until his birthday for a new good one. You can use other trackers on android.

cherryonthecakes · 14/01/2022 21:38

You should replace with a cheaper Android if he has to have a phone. Many iPhone screens are glass which means they smash easily and it's madness to give him another fragile phone as a replacement.

elelel · 14/01/2022 21:39

I have no issue with a kid having a phone and mine all had/have decent iPhones but even I would let natural consequences play their part here. He broke his phone in anger, perhaps he needs a punishment rather then a reward?

LizzieSiddal · 14/01/2022 21:40

Ds is 10. He got cross tonight and slammed his phone down and completely broke it.

What was he angry about and does he get slam/throw/break things in anger often?

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 14/01/2022 21:40

What do you think kids did before phones, for safety?!

And no more phone for your ds if he gets too angry.

WorriedGiraffe · 14/01/2022 21:40

He’s 10, he’s a child and he has an iPhone because YOU require him to have it to track him, so yeah come up with a deal to help him. Obviously breaking something expensive has consequences, but you want him to have an expensive phone, you should help too, you knew the risk when trusting it to a child. I’m not sure a child of his age would have fully understood the cost involved in this situation really, their brains and risk calculation is still developing. Good lesson for him to take care of this things tho!

emsmar · 14/01/2022 21:45

I've had the exact same situation! Made him buy a new one with his own money. This one, funnily enough has never been broken through anger or carelessness. Tough lesson but worthwhile imo.

VelvetChairGirl · 14/01/2022 21:50

iphones are rubbish anyway and over priced, they lock you into a ecosystem thats hard to escape and are very over priced for what they are and impossible to repair without it costing an arm and a leg due to exclusivity agreements, but why the hell would a ten year old need one?

I have a xiaomi I love it, I have two actually been using them for 5 years, my first needed a new charge connector after 4 years I got a second while I waited for the £1.70p part to turn up from china so now I have two, I love the old one still and use it round the house like a tablet where as the other one is kept clear for calls, I just couldnt part with the old one even tho my son wanted it.

I recently got my son a £99 Oppo thats good and he loves it its only got 32gig on board but he can always add a SD.

honestly why buy iphone?

Lou98 · 14/01/2022 21:56

Does he get pocket money?

I think I would pay the extra £20 but then say he gets no pocket money until the £20 is paid back but still has to do the chores or whatever he normally does until paid off

Lou98 · 14/01/2022 21:58

Although you can also usually get second hand ones cheaper on Facebook market place. There's a fair few near me going for £75/£80 - 6s and 7

HikingforScenery · 14/01/2022 22:03

Completely with your DH. Yabu
What’s he going to learn if he gets another so soon?

SavoyCabbage · 14/01/2022 22:04

Get an apple air tag for £20 or whatever they are and put it in his school bag. Then you can track that on 'find my phone' just like you can a phone. If anything, it's much more accurate as that's what they are designed to do.

Then he doesn't need a phone at all.

RedCandyApple · 14/01/2022 22:11

Can’t he just get it repaired instead? I broke my phone bad (accidentally though Hmm ) I took it to a phone shop and it was only £65 to repair, it’s an iPhone too, much cheaper than buying, doubt he could break it beyond repair or even that much? by slamming it down, or did he throw it?

Alloftheboys · 14/01/2022 22:12

I think if it was broken by accident due to his carelessness (phone left on edge of table or similar) I’d chip in the extra £20. But I’d only help him out once.
As he broke it in anger he pays the full price.

Coronado2 · 14/01/2022 22:12

He's got consequences - he had £100 that he could have spent however he wanted and now he had to spend replacing his phone. I'd put the £20 in myself, but I like to be able to see where dd is if she's not home from school by the time I expect her. I might make him pay it back, depends on his reaction.

We've all done things when annoyed that we regret. If this is part of a pattern of behaviour then I'd be more of your dhs side though.

CombatBarbie · 14/01/2022 22:18

My daughter dropped hers on the school stairs. Timpsons charged £90 to replace the screen with a free 12 month replacement..... Which was used 10 months later when she dropped it again 🙄

Franticbutterfly · 14/01/2022 22:19

If you help him replace it, he won't learn about the consequences of having a tantrum, and you'll have no chance of nipping this kind of behaviour in the bud. I would suggest he won't need a new phone until at least year 7, and even then I'd make him wait if it wasn't completely necessary.

zoeFromCity · 14/01/2022 22:25

I don't like idea of lending money for a new phone, I don't think it is reasonable to teach children that buying a phone with a debt is ok.

If parents want him to have a phone, it changes situation a bit, you can provide a brick, but not really push him to pay for a brick with his money, if he doesn't feel like wanting brick phone. Together with your preferred safty app, the case for new iPhone exists.

I would look for some options to let him do some extra work for those 20£, not necessarily to really earn 20, bit to not just hand the money over. Maybe one small job for mum and second for dad might do?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 14/01/2022 22:32

Is it he who wants an iPhone or you insisting he has one so you can track him?

If the latter then I think you do need to sort out a new one for him, even if that means contributing.

Otherwise just make him do without until he can afford to buy a new one. Or he might decide to do without entirely.

I’d also be a bit influenced by context; any back story, whether this was totally out of character or whether it is part of a bigger picture of anger and aggression.

Also, and I know you have not asked about this, but given his behaviour, are you sure he is mature enough to be walking to and from school on his own?

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 14/01/2022 22:37

He broke it in anger, he needs to learn this is not OK! Getting him an instant replacement teaches him nothing, even if he has to put his Xmas money towards it.

You can get an iPhone 5 for £40 on eBay.... less cool phone, spending his own money = consequences.

PinkSyCo · 14/01/2022 22:48

I walked nearly 3 miles to school at your DS’s age without owning an iPhone. Still alive to tell the tale. My kids also managed to get themselves safely to their school from about the same age without a phone. YABU.

Abcdefu · 14/01/2022 22:50

How about he does jobs to earn.the £20? Valet your car? All bathrooms for a month? Draw up a contract if he doesn't do it phone removed etc

gingerbiscuits · 14/01/2022 22:51

Either pay the £20 & make him pay you back or make him buy a cheaper replacement. Simple.

Elieza · 14/01/2022 22:52

Find out the repair cost first.
Then decide how to proceed.