confused by grandmas odd behaviour

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not really aibu but not sure where else to put it

my grandma is 82 - the last few months i’ve noticed she is totally oblivious to temperature of things. i have a 9 month old baby and she keeps trying to give her boiling hot things e.g. pasta straight from the pan, tried to put her in a bath that was literally steaming that i could barely keep my hand in because it was so hot etc. she does check these but apparently thinks they’re not hot? i’m so confused because everytime it is something literally steaming hot

she just tried to give her a cup of tea (yes boiling tea, i don’t want my baby drinking tea anyway but the burn risk is more my concern here). it was half full so i grabbed it before she could give it to her and said why are you giving her that it’s literally got steam coming out of it?? and she tried to wrestle it back and said it’s not even hot - it was fresh out the kettle!!

so confused - is this indicative of a health thing please? i don’t get how she just can’t feel temperature properly suddenly

How is her memory generally?

@Beamur

How is her memory generally?

definitely worse in the last year or so. she will often tell a story about her day and then repeat the same story an hour or so later etc

I think it would be best if she went to the GP, possibly with you, to discuss this issue.

It's possible she might have some age related cognition issues. Memory can be affected by lots of other things too. Would she be amenable to a check up with the GP?
If she's having a few memory problems there are gadgets that can help keep her safe and independent. The hot water incidents could mean she accident scalds herself as well as others so shouldn't be ignored.
Is she cooking and eating ok? One thing I noticed with my Mum was things like forgetting to separate raw meat properly.
Repeating herself is a bit of a giveaway too.

@Throckmorton

I think it would be best if she went to the GP, possibly with you, to discuss this issue.

honestly i would love for her to go to the gp but she is adamant she’s not getting old and refuses to acknowledge any concerns we have. i might raise it with my mum and see if she can convince her though

Sounds like the start of dementia. Given her age, probably normal. I’d take her to the GP. They’ll do a memory test and confirm.

My dad started off repeating old stories. Please start reading up about dementia before things start happening that will really affect you mentally, if you don’t know they’re coming. We had shit care as a family. Weren’t told what happens or could happen in the future.

You need to be more careful about what access she has to your baby! Wrestling over scalding tea, trying to put her in a bath. What would have happened if you were 3 seconds slower? Stop giving her opportunity to try to do these things.

@Beamur

It's possible she might have some age related cognition issues. Memory can be affected by lots of other things too. Would she be amenable to a check up with the GP? If she's having a few memory problems there are gadgets that can help keep her safe and independent. The hot water incidents could mean she accident scalds herself as well as others so shouldn't be ignored. Is she cooking and eating ok? One thing I noticed with my Mum was things like forgetting to separate raw meat properly. Repeating herself is a bit of a giveaway too.

will try to get her to see a gp!

so she doesn’t seem to have burned herself yet and can still use kettle etc absolutely fine, it just seems to be that she doesn’t recognise when food is piping hot etc. just really confuses me as it’s stuff that is evidently steaming and she’s totally oblivious

her cooking has never been great so not noticed any differences there. only thing i can think of is that i have an anaphylactic nut allergy and she has always been incredibly careful, but she has baked a few times for family events in the last few months and it has always been some kind of nut heavy thing. which may seem like no biggie to most people but considering she had a total ban of nuts being in her house to now bringing them to every family event seems strange like she’s forgotten (or trying to kill me off lol)

@Im2022

Sounds like the start of dementia. Given her age, probably normal. I’d take her to the GP. They’ll do a memory test and confirm.

My dad started off repeating old stories. Please start reading up about dementia before things start happening that will really affect you mentally, if you don’t know they’re coming. We had shit care as a family. Weren’t told what happens or could happen in the future.

yes i think it could well be dementia beginning. i just have no idea what to expect. my great grandma had it (i was young so can’t really remember) is it usually genetic?

also please can i ask when your dad started repeating old stories did things get worse quickly or is it a slow type of thing? i will definitely start reading up on it thank you!

@Keeva2017

You need to be more careful about what access she has to your baby! Wrestling over scalding tea, trying to put her in a bath. What would have happened if you were 3 seconds slower? Stop giving her opportunity to try to do these things.

i’m always right with her when it happens, hence why she hasn’t actually been burnt but yes i will definitely make sure to stay close to her. i just feel so sad for her because i know she’s mentioned feeling like people watch her like a hawk as she gets older, i hate making her feel babied but i am absolutely going to have to be more careful

I think its slightly more than "beginning"

...did things get worse quickly or is it a slow type of thing?

The speed of decline with dementia very much depends on the type of dementia, so you'd need a diagnosis to know exactly what to expect there. My MIL had vascular dementia and Alzheimers (mixed dementia). With vascular dementia the person can be stable for some time, then there's a sudden, dramatic decline but with Alzheimers it's a more constant, gentle decline, for example. Having both meant just about anything could happen. I hope this explains it a bit.

I would not allow her anywhere near your baby without you right there to supervise. Her judgement is clearly way off.

Both of my grandads developed dementia so unfortunately I've been here before and think it's likely that at least one of my parents will develop it as there is a genetic link. For one grandad it developed slowly from age 84 until he passed away just before his 90th birthday. He went into a home when he was 86 and couldn't cope (safely) at home, especially as my grandma had passed away.
With the other grandad, it spread much more rapidly - he was diagnosed with it at the age of 80 and died when he was 82, again in a care home. He also stopped recognising his children and granddaughters within a few months, whereas my other grandad did at least recognise his son almost until the end. It shows how dementia can vary tremendously between sufferers, but the speed and severity, plus care considerations, do have a significant impact on the family :-(

I'm afraid temperature issues is quite common in the older people I have known with dementia. I'm afraid you have to view her as not someone who can look after your dc, even for a few minutes.

Talk to your mum. Between the wider family you should be able to make a plan to support her. Age UK are amazing.

Sounds like the start of dementia. Given her age, probably normal.

Dementia is not a normal part of ageing.

I understand wanting to protect your grandmas feelings but if she doesn’t understand how close your baby came to harm, then her feelings are at bottom of the priority pile.

I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t watching, more how quickly it could happen even if you supervise closely. It’s just not worth the risk.

@CounsellorTroi

Sounds like the start of dementia. Given her age, probably normal.

Dementia is not a normal part of ageing.

Its not an abnormal part, though.

It's a disease

It does sound like the start of dementia.
My grandmother used to really try and mask it by overly doing things she would have done before.
So insisting on cooking when I’d have given her a night off. Think stroppy small child “I can do it, I can do it”.

You can speak to her GP and explain your concerns, even if she won’t see them. They won’t tell you anything. But you can lay out your concerns.

On a practical side do you have a power of attorney in place should things deteriorate?

Lastly. I’m sorry. It’s shit. I can’t tell you it’s not, because it is. Cherish her and reach out for all the support you and your mum need.

I think a dementia assessment is needed for her own safety.
Dementia isn’t just a decline in memory. I worked with a lady who couldn’t work out what cutlery was and when in the dining room of the care home asked if we were in church. She didn’t seem to recognise everyday things she’d known for years.
I think not recognising temperatures is also a part of it.
It might be safer and less stressful for you if you limit contact between gran and your baby to playing, especially if there are toys your gran would be familiar with ( I’m thinking building bricks, stacking beakers, dolls, toy cars maybe)

Description of the difference between normal symptoms of ageing and dementia. It’s NOT a normal part of ageing, it IS abnormal.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/how-dementia-progresses/normal-ageing-vs-dementia

This sounds like a v specific symptom - sensory neuropathy. I think it’s worth investigation on its own, apart from the memory loss. Most common cause is diabetes. Could even be a tumour.
Either way, you do need to ensure that she isn’t left alone with the baby.

@CounsellorTroi

Sounds like the start of dementia. Given her age, probably normal.

Dementia is not a normal part of ageing.

Memory los sis part of normal ageing The OP doesn't know that it is dementia

I’m not saying it is dementia. I was taking issue with the poster who implied dementia is normal for someone of the OP’s grandma’s age.

And the type of memory loss associated with dementia is not the same as that associated with normal ageing as the page I linked to makes clear. Fro example, occasionally forgetting something you were told, vs asking for the same information over and over.